how do people switch off from life trauma when writing up? cathartic rant.

C

I am really stuck right now in a "AHHHHH I have 12 weeks to finish", and a "I have no job and nowhere to live in 12 weeks" funk! Concerns about what I am going to do after are really having an effect on my motivation to complete, which is paradoxical because the more I procrastinate to stay in un-PhDed limbo, the more I will suffer in 12 weeks. How have all of you in similar situations, or recently completed being able to switch off and finish the task in hand? i only have to stare out the window for a few seconds before I start thinking about the lack of jobs in the field, my unstable future, and the guilt that there is a job i could potentially apply for but I would have to write a proposal in like 2 weeks and I don't think I can fit it in my work schedule, and in my mind I have built this up to be " my one and only chance of getting a job!!! OMG!!"

I am living overseas (I moved to chase funding) and so gave up my rental place in my old city back in September. Once my funding stops I have to fly back to the UK, submit, defend, and I hope find somewhere to live and a temporary job so that I can eat etc. I just don't know how I am going to do this all as I have a very narrow margin for error! I wish I had the option of going home. But I don't, my parents don't live on Mainland UK, I have never lived in their house there so I have no friends there and would struggle to get a job there, and they have issues with my sexuality which would make living with them untenable for more then a few days visit.

I guess when I go back to my university city to hand-in in 3 months I will have to take whatever I can straight away in a temp agency and try and find somewhere that doesn't want a large deposit. If I can't find either of these I am screwed. I can prob only save enough to sustain myself for a month, and that at a push. I wish I could have saved more of my funding, but I had to pay off the loan I took out for my MA until recently. I had to to do this before when I finished my MA, but I was in a very different situation then with a partner who could cover my rent for a few weeks since I lived with him.

Sorry, for the rant. I just need to get it off my chest. It is late here, and it just feels like a pressure cooker at the moment! :$:-s:-( I know loads of people have to go through this, it just feels incredible stressful and I have problems sleeping now, yet alone with the thesis completion in 12 weeks!

I know there will be loads of people on here who have had to sail close the wind with deadlines, money, and moving - so I guess I want to hear tactics for "switching" off for the task in hand (completion very soon) and soothing "it will be okay" noises. :$

W

Hello Chrisrolinksi. The jobs situation is largely the same for many of us. Being 12 weeks away from submitting does not, admittedly, leave you long to get a post-doc proposal together, so I can see how, career-wise, things may seem temporarily opaque. It makes my moaning pale into insignificance. It's a real shame with your parents, since that would seem like an ideal temporary solution. In moments of procrastination, if they exist at such a late time in your thesis production, could you not get your CV out to some recruitment agencies in advance of your arrival so that they can maybe sort you something - Office Angels, Kelly's Recruitment and Hayes? I don't know how crisis loans from the social services work, but you're effectively homeless in 12 weeks and, as a UK resident, you may be able to get a loan off them just to set you up - my brother has posted on the Moneysavingexpert forum about this and some knowledgeable bod was very helpful, so it may be a good idea to solicit some advice from there via a friendly post. Would your parents also not be able to lend you a small amount of money to set you over until you get a job and lay down a deposit for accommodation (it's usually a month's rent in advance isn't it?)? Also, could you arrange an overdraft facility with your bank?
In your situation, and sorry it's not soothing words, I would find it hard to switch off from such a dilemma because nothing is sorted for when you finish in 12 weeks. I hope that I've managed to offer some sort of advice that requires minimal effort while you're intensely writing up.

C


Thanks for your practical advice. Yes, you are right, it would be prudent to "court" the recruitment agencies before I get back so I would have something to start asap. If I finish in late Feb, I could be doing that at the start of Feb. You're right, I can probably get a bit of help from my parents in regards to a months rent. Unfortunately, my younger siblings finished their undergraduate degrees this year and have, understandably, needed a lot of help from my parents in the current economy - so I can only ask for so much. But yes, I shouldn't write that of as an alternative. I should also get that post doc proposal together this weekend and send it to sup for comments in advance of applying. That should be my aim. If I don't apply for it, I wil only waste precious hours and self-flagellate about not having applied for it.

S

Hey, great that you're finishing so soon!! But sorry to hear about your stress. Couple of suggestions - do you have friends you could stay with for a couple of weeks while you sort yourself out? If that's not an option, what about your uni's accommodation service? My uni has ads for student lodgings, like hostels, maybe you could see if these types of rooms are available? If you think you can manage to save up a month's worth of living expenses, that's great, and as Walminski says, try and organise any sort of temp work before you get back.

This must be awful for you. If you don't get your postdoc application done, don't beat yourself up - it just wasn't meant to be. Something else will turn up. Concentrate on what you need to do at the moment - finishing your thesis and then re-establishing. Worry about the career later. Lots of PhD students take some time out after submitting, 6 months of doing whatever, while they consider options. There will be other options! Don't add more stress onto yourself. Good luck!

T

Hang on in there! I've just been through pretty much what you speak of (except the international parts), and there is light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not a train).

When I was flapping around trying to finish, I found it useful to only work on one item at a time (eg one journal, one paragraph) and at the end of an evening have a glass of wine/get out of the house. I found starting the day by sorting out a little problem made each day a little more bearable. I had to move flat while writing up, find a job, and live on meagre savings during the last 4 months and just about managed. I'm sure you'll pull through. As they say, the day is always darkest before dawn.

J

This is indeed a lot of angst at the wrong time, but take a sec to think things through. you have a set of things you need to think about, so do what you have done so far and use whatever method you have applied to your chapters - lists, charts, mapping or whatever, and collect the info about each bit. for example, the job, what you could do, sources of help etc, at least then you will have some points to work on. Then consider your pattern of work. If you need time to think about what you are writing, change tack and do another task, like the proposal you have to write. the displacement activity will probably help you think through what you have to write next, so you will be working on both tasks together. :-). to have a plan, however skeletal, should make it feel like at least you know where you need to go, even if you don't know how to get there yet, plus if you get a bit of inspiration for one of the areas, you can jot it down somewhere handy and deal with it when you next need a break from the task in hand. you will get through this, believe in yourself. 
(soothing noises coming your way!)

C

======= Date Modified 28 Nov 2009 13:07:49 =======
Thanks for all your comments. I think you are right, I need to try and focus on this thesis, and then re-establish myself the other side.

I will be going back for a bit at Christmas and think I will have a chat with friends about possibly spare bed/sofa surfing for a few weeks when I get back, at least knowing if this is possible will make things feel less up in the air. I'm sure I will find something for a temp job, and I will be able to save up a months expenses or so. When I think about it rationally I know it will be okay. Just the irrational late night gnarling away inside!

I'll make a schedule of things to do leading up to submission that relate to finding somewhere to live and job hunting.Once I have done concrete things, I will tick them off, and feel the relief wash over me (I hope!)

R

It's Ok about the rant I can identify with some of the emotions and concerns.

I also have same amount of time to finish and yes its nerve wracking, what will happen next?

I do have a small part time job but I am also looking out for well paid work.

There's been quite a few people close to me in other cities who have got very ill recently, which i am finding very upsetting.

I guess it is life's way of challenging us and we'll be stronger after getting through it.

On a practical note to cope I sometimes shut myself away with my thesis, go into that zone and really get into it. I switch off my phone and forbid myself from checking emails etc....Often after a good long stretch like that I feel satisfaction as usually I have made progress and as long as we keep moving forward we're gtetting there bit by bit.

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