Well I quit my Phd. I came to realize that it just wasn't a healthy responsible thing for me to do any longer particularly as I no longer saw it as leading to opportunities in the future. I was never interested in an academic career and not only had the substantive topic of my thesis ceased to interest me, but unfortunately was too specific to lead into other jobs post PhD. While I had blind faith about the future when I was personally interested and engaged in the topic, I no longer had that idealism and so I could not sustain that optimism in the face of reality. Tough to deal with but the truth.

After considerable sadness and buckets of tears I have come to realize that it was the right decision. It was not worth sacrificing so many other important parts of my life, and for that matter putting my loved ones through all of this, if I did not honestly have faith that I was on the right path. Academia in general, and the PhD process in particular, is an incredibly isolating experience and in the process I realize that I have put my mental health in danger and have risked losing my true 'self'. I have digressed psychologically and socially through this process and as I am not getting any younger really need to change gears before it is too late.

On the bright side, I've learned that my life really needs to involve regular interaction with others and that I can not be so focussed so exclusively upon living inside my own head. It needs to involve knowledge and intellect but also needs to be more applied, rather than theoretical (I am presently in a very unstructured Social Sciences program). I guess these are things we have to learn about ourselves.

Initially I thought I was being cowardly and irresponsible for doing this, whereas now I realize that this is perhaps the bravest and most responsible thing I have ever done. Strangely, nothing would be easier than sliding back into doing my PhD, as that is something that I am all too familiar--and thus comfortable--with could avoid social embarasment, but that would also be to engage in avoidance and longer term misery.

Instead I have decided to move on and am looking toward applying to a grad program in another field (Urban and Regional Planning). Fortunately I have undergrad training in that field and may be able to apply my Masters credentials (Public Health) to it. However, as I have been away from it for so very long I really need to re-educate myself. This is where the problem lies.

Despite feeling better and 'right' about my decision my self confidence has been absolutely devastated, my inner voice says, 'what makes you think you can do anything?'. I really worry that my self doubts as a result of my PhD experience will continue to haunt me and as a result have simply considered going out to get a menial job, but then realize I would be selling myself short and ultimately miserable as a result.

Does anyone have any advice to offer?

Hello, Karl. Thank you for a very interesting post. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what was your PhD in? I think that if you look at the vast majority of posts, they all, in one way or another, relate to yours. I am aware of quite a few people that have dropped out of their PhDs and have gone on start new one's or started different careers that they are happy with.
I do think that, based on your description of how your PhD made you feel and the effect it was having on you life, it was a very brave things to drop out. I've lost a lot with doing my PhD, and been really hurt because of it, and I know I'm going to be more aware of this and feel it more than ever this Christmas and New Year - it's really just me and my selfish PhD. It's the loneliness and never ending demand coupled with uncertainty that really grinds with a PhD - I'm sure you'll agree.
I've not been in your exact position, but don't let it dent your confidence - you were good enough to begin and conduct a PhD. You didn't stop it because you weren't capable enough after all. It was life circumstances and, rightfully, what the PhD could do for you that led to you making the decision. I'm going to use a bit of latin (I believe I should since I'm doing a doctor of philosophy): ????? sea?t?? gnothi seauton. Your time doing a PhD has led to you knowing yourself, which makes you stronger than you have ever been. You know what you want, how you thrive, what you need and you have all the qualifications necessary to take your post-graduate career in a different direction. You're also in a stronger position than a lot of other people in that you know what it takes, you can work at a higher level and, most importantly, you also know that what you now propose is necessary to avoid having to do a 'menial' job.
This is perhaps the most generic advice you've ever read, but if you take away one message it should be that your decision to leave your PhD was not based upon hitting your ceiling of capability, it was a rational, well considered strategic manoeuvre to get off a sinking ship. So don't feel inadequate over this because there is absolutely no cause for any self-doubt. You know what you want and you're going to get it.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :-)

Hey Karl! I think you have to look on this as one of the most valuable experiences you could have had. Instead of measuring your success as completing or not completing your PhD, look at what you have learnt throughout the process. Quitting or changing your mind about doing something is never easy, and there is always the horrible doubt of 'what if I've made the wrong decision?', but as time has gone by I think you've already realised this was a good decision for you. You didn't quit because you couldn't do it or weren't capable, you realised that it wasn't what you wanted to do. Over the last 10 years I went from applying to university to be a vet, to changing my mind, withdrawing my applications and putting a last minute application in for biology, to dropping out of that after 18 months because it just wasn't for me, to doing a BSc, MSc and now PhD in Psychology. I'm so glad that I learnt what WASN'T for me, instead of doggedly pursuing the biology course just because I didn't want to be seen as a 'dropout'. You have made a positive decision about what you don't want to do, and therefore are nearer to finding what you do want to do! I agree, it is harder to quit than to carry on sometimes, so look upon it as a brave and wise decision, and one which will hopefully save you years of misery of being in the wrong job and the wrong career. You only have to look around you to see so many people who hate their job and wish they had done something else instead- hopefully you will now find something that you enjoy and find fulfilling, and will never have to be one of those people! Well done on taking such a big step, and good luck with the next move! Best wishes, KB

Hello Karl,

I can so understand why leaving your PhD has had this effect on you, but I think you need to consider this in the broader - life long - picture. You started down a path that you realised you weren't happy with, a career that simply didn't suit you personally and you took the very brave step to turn back rather than blindly following the path with your head stuck firmly in the sand. You didn't leave because you couldn't do it, you didn't leave because you were pushed, you took a rational decision - that's not failure, its not a cause of self doubt, its actually an extremely strong thing to do and you have my full respect.

Don't sell yourself short - look at what you want from this life and go and get it - academia wasn't for you - so what?? Its no big deal, academia isn't for the vast majority of people, it doesn't make you any less of a person, a failure, or anything else. Everyone is different Karl, for many of us academia is the life we want - it certainly is for me, but I would no more consider you as any less of a person for saying it wasn't for you than I would anyone else I 'know' that are in a different field. Life is short, go for your dream and get it and don't let anyone put you down or tell you you've failed - you haven't, you've simply chosen another path that is far more suited for you and will make you happy in the long run.

I left a full-time PhD 13 years ago. It knocked my confidence for six, although like you I was totally convinced that I'd made the right decision, and had no doubts at all about that. I also went through a grieving process for what I'd lost, and that took some time to work through.

I left because I was long-term ill so going on to work or another full-time form of study was impossible. But I switched to a different subject (science -> humanities - some change!), with the OU, and I picked things up that way. Slowly over time the lost PhD didn't matter so much, and was in the past, and I had a new future. Not the same, very different, but worthy in itself.

But allow yourself time to grieve for what you've left as well, if you feel that need.

Good luck.

Glad it feels the right decision for you and well done for making it.

PhD is a strange journey and an isolated path a lot of the time, which inevitably leads to soul searching and finding out what makes us tick and what's most important to us.

It sounds as if you have recognised your love of interaction with others. Think back to pre PhD and what you were doing then, is there a way of gradually reintegrating with those activities and then building it up. I guess coming out of any intense journey takes some readjustment.

Good Luck with your future career and life.

Glad it feels the right decision for you and well done for making it.

PhD is a strange journey and an isolated path a lot of the time, which inevitably leads to soul searching and finding out what makes us tick and what's most important to us.

It sounds as if you have recognised your love of interaction with others. Think back to pre PhD and what you were doing then, is there a way of gradually reintegrating with those activities and then building it up. I guess coming out of any intense journey takes some readjustment.

Good Luck with your future career and life.