======= Date Modified 07 35 2010 14:35:43 =======
I was just wondering....my research is with people with Alzheimer's disease and I have had one grandad die with dementia and my other grandad is now in the very late stages of Alzheimer's disease. It kills me just to see him in the state he is in, it is truly awful. So in a way a lot of my motivation for what I'm doing comes from this, but in another way it's just damned hard to keep my research and my personal life separate, and I certainly don't like to think of my grandads as 'research subjects' rather than as close relatives who I absolutely adore, although I do often think about them in relation to my research. I think the other hard bit is that the research I am doing is kind of seeking to show something that is actually the opposite of what I am seeing in my own grandad...that is, he is a contradiction of what I'm hoping to find. If that makes sense. It doesn't half make things a bit tricky. Does anyone else have this sort of situation on their hands?

Best, KB

My research is in mental health, so it absolutely has signficance for me. It makes me more responsible in my attitude, I want to make sure my work is honest and constructive, not simply publication-friendly. I know I've gotten a bit impassioned (or just known a wee bit too much about drugs, etc) in some meetings as a result, but I find it so much easier to work on something I believe in. Although that said, it also makes me feel a bit hopeless at times, my attempts seeming so small in the face of the overall problem.

I know how you feel about the alzheimer's though. My great aunt died last month and she was suffering from dementia for the last few years, very hard to watch. I also get scared when I see my elderly father becoming more frail and forgetful.

Hi KB, yes, some of my research does relate to my personal experience,and I do, sometimes, find those bits hard going to engage with because of that, but then there are other times when i want to engage with the topic, and feel i amsaying something very useful about something I know a lot about. Swing and round abouts, I guess...

My research has no significance for me, which makes researching it very diffiult. Because my participants and I guess my 'audience' view me very suspiciously as I am not one of 'them'. I won't go into specifics cos of identity, but its probably pretty easy to work out who I'm researching if you think about broad differences in society between groups of people.

I am actually having a whole chapter dedicated to the difficulty of researching this area as a researcher with my background.

I didn't think my research held much significance until I finished and started to really think about what it meant to me.

I realised my initial interest in the area was because of my brothers. I'm not going into details, but I have a lot to thank them for in a weird kind of way.

I realise how vague I'm being, but in response to your question... yes my research does have personal significance to me. :-)

Mine doesn't. I do research into Lupus, and I always feel slightly guilty when patients ask why Lupus and I have to admit it was the project itself I was interested in and before applying i had to google what Lupus was becasue I'd never heard of it. :$

haha people ALWAYS ask why I'm doing my PhD, because as I say I'm not 'one of them' who I am researching. I always make up some rubbish about how i really identified with the issues, but realistically it was a chance to work from home for 3 years and end up with a qualification, could have been any topic and I would have done it!

Sneaks, I'm now utterly intrigued as to who "they" are! I know you can't say but it does make me curious.

'they' could be that small section of the population which doesn't sleep in dog baskets? Or have sympathies with vampires?

eska's hit the nail on the head (or in the coffin - hopefully not! unless I am a vampire) Dog is sleeping on sofa with me while I watch deal or no deal today - it was an attempt to get analysis done as not watching tv wasn't producing any work either!

My topic arose directly out of my own lifelong interest, but I had the chance to study similar people with similar interests 200 years ago. So, yes, it is rather personal to me. I was lucky to be able to design my PhD project, as a humanities student, then get AHRC funding to fund it all as well. All for a self-built project.

Hey all! Thanks for your replies! I put my own project together too Bilbo, then applied for funding, and although I love it, it can be really hard as it is so close to home in a number of ways. Not even just with my grandads, but a lot of the people I work with are in institutions and that feels really close to home after all the long term stays on psych wards I used to have. I also have long term memory damage due to the electroconvulsive therapy I used to receive as treatment, and I still struggle with this- it sometimes feels like my memory isn't much better than that of my participants! I wouldn't have my topic any other way though, I am determined to go on and stay in mental health research, and probably stay in the field of dementia though I'm not absolutely decided on that yet. I do like researching stuff that's close to home, and I think my experiences make me better at what I do, but sometimes I wish I didn't have so many reminders of times past! And I'm intrigued too now sneaks! Best, KB

Hi KB, like others have said, I think that in your case although the topics of Alzheimers and dementia have great personal significance to you and that can make doing the research difficult (totally understandable of course), that is probably one of the main reasons why you are so motivated and doing so well with your research. I'm sure that your family are probably very proud of you for doing your research into these diseases that unfortunately affect so many people. I don't want to oversimplify things, but I think that if you are seeing a contradiction of what you are hoping to find in your research, it shows how important your research is, to me it sounds as if you are really pushing the boundaries of research into Alzheimers - I don't want that to come across something that will only benefit you in terms of your PhD and future career, but hopefully it will be able to help those suffering with Alzheimers and their families. I hope that makes sense.

I think that in most cases, everybody's research interests stem from something with personal significance - I have certainly noticed that with some of my tutors. In terms of what I am interested in, after my recent bereavement I read some of Judith Butler's (social philosopher) work on loss and mourning. It made total sense to me and helped me to think about what I was feeling. I was always going to base my MSc dissertation on her work in comparison with other theorists and psychoanalysis, but have now chosen to focus that on bereavement, as a major area...I think it will be difficult but quite cathartic for me. My proposed PhD topic has a lot of personal significance as well, it is something that I have wanted to research for a long time but now I feel I have the theoretical knowledge behind me to do it justice.

Nxx

That strikes rather a perverse chord with me. The interest that prompted me to do the PhD is one I can no longer pursue much due to brain damage from my progressive neurological disease. Yet I have persevered in researching other people pursuing the same interest 200 years ago. Rather ironic!