Hi to anyone reading this,

I work in a chem lab, in my 2nd year of my PhD. Lately my dedication and commitment has dwindled significantly due to uneasy relations in the lab. A 30 year old post-doc joined my group and we had to work closely together on a project. For the 1st yr we were good friends, socialising on a regular basis and going away on experiments. The project we work on together is just a side project, whilst I work on my PhD also and he works on the research his grant was intended for.

The past 5 months have turned into hell!! He has managed to get other PhD students and undergrads doing projects in our lab to follow his direction and take orders from him, with complete disregard for their supervisor. Beause of this, their supervisor had to become militant and critized his conduct. Which he did not take well....it does not help that their supervisor is my sister.

My PhD has become hectic lately and my supervisor emailed him to say that I may not be around to help with the synthesis so to go ahead without me. He did not like this at all and we had a huge bust-up in the lab when I had not been around for 2 wks to work on the project. He told me that I was incompetent, inconsistant and mostly unprofessional and lazy. He shouted loudly, speaking with complete disregard, calling me a child and expressed he had never come across anyone like me before. I should work alone because I am incapable of working with others. He also told me he did not care about upsetting me and that I mean nothing to him.

After this argument he apologised but now acts in an even more disturbing way. He comes into the lab when I am working and stands next to me, almost touching. Even though there is a lot of workspace...and he is not doing labwork. He comes to talk to his French friend, while he stands next to me and stares at what I am doing. They talk in French about me and make gestures immitating stangling or kicking someone. I do not have a firm grasp of the french language, but I know he is being malicious. Whenever I talk he yawns loudly to make it clear that I am of no interest to him. His French 'friend' used to be the object of his negativity. The post-doc despised him behind his back+would often pass horrible notes about him to others while he was in the room to try and make him feel uncomfortable, although the French 'friend' was completely oblivious. Now they spend most of their time in the lab making me feel uncomfortable. They recently tried to spoil my relationship with other colleagues by saying I am not to be trusted as I tell my sister everything. Every time his work is critised by her he spreads I am untrustworthy and says it comes from me.

It is an awkward situation+don't know what to do, especially as most of the intimidation can not be proven due to the languague difference. Has anyone been subject to this type of bullying before? If so, I feel for you! And would welcome any advice......I am completely lost.

Cheers

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, the guy sounds a complete sociopath! Do you have any good friends or allies amongst the other students, or are they all sufficiently scared of him to want to keep on his side? He's a classic bully and deserves to lose his job promptly. Was he ever disciplined over his original outburst at you? In any other work setting that kind of behaviour would warrant an official warning which went on his file. Your supervisor has a clear responsiblity to deal with this and so protect you.

As for proving, it might sound extreme, but you could put a dictaphone in you pocket and tape his next "performance" then get a friendly french student to translate. I'm not sure that covert recording could be used in any official way (depends where you live), but it would certainly make his innapropriate beahviour very clear and allow senior staff to take action. Has your sister lodged any formal complaints regarding his behaviour with her own students? Even if he gets away with it with you, I'd have thought she'd be better supported.

Oh man, that is really awkward! You have my sympathy and no wonder your work is suffering as a result! I know it might seem that having your sister in that position might seem negative but is there any way that could turn into a positive? I would normally suggest keeping a diary but as you said the language issue makes that a problem but there may still be issues you could keep a note of. Perhaps the post doc is not coping with his work load and taking the stress out on others (completely unacceptable and unprofessional!). Is your supervisor aware of what's going on? Is there someone like a student rep or head of PHd who you could discuss the situation with? Sorry I can't be of more help and do hope the situation becomes better for you. Good luck!

Wow, thanks for your thoughfull and quick replies. It's good to see that I am not taking this out of proportion.

Sociopath is the word Teek! You just don't expect to come across this behaviour when you reach a certain point in life. I know alot of people have to deal with un-savoury characters in their work place as you don't get to chose who you spend your day with. People will sometimes have a problem with you (even for no apparent reason) as you can not get on with everyone. But I don't understand why people don't just distance themselves from the situation, instead of directing their attention at you on a daily basis in a really negative way. He takes a perverse pleasure in tourmenting me in such a cowardly way. The scary thing is, when we used to be civil with each other I saw him looking and speaking of others with similar contempt. But now the attention has moved to the next target. I do have some friends in my office who know him, but they don't witness this behaviour. They can think he is arrogant and slightly rude, but sometimes say he can be quite charming.
Your advice is sound Zipidee and Teek, thank you. I am thinking of speaking to my supervisor when I have witnessed some more examples of his behaviour. Although, his arrogance is so shocking he recently stormed into her office and spoke to her in an aggressive way and has previously belittled her opinion. He has no respect for anyone. But the thing I notice is that people have no faith in the disciplinery measures put in place in academia. Things like this happen, but no one deals with it formally as they either don't want to make the situtation worse or they think the proper action might not be taken.

I'll make a diary of inappropiate things when they occur, I hadn't really thought of doing that. Cheers Zipidee! Having a family member in the department has proven to mostly be a positive thing so far. Always someone to discuss ideas and theroy with, but people tend to use it as an excuse for their own insecurities. People blame the fact that I have a sister as a member of staff on many things. If I achieve anything, it's the first thing people mention and the post-doc is using it as a weapon. He's trying to make people paranoid around me, he takes criticsm really badly and thinks I must be to blame if his boss is firm with him. Especially since the blow up in the lab.

I'm going to use my phone to record the conversation next time I'm in the lab. Don't think the quality is very good, but I have a couple of friends that will be able to translate if it's not too sketchy quality! Coming on here to get advice and share my situation was the last resort before going further with this, so thanks for your advice. Really appreciate it. Will let you know what happens.....

Yeah academia is unfortunately full of insecure people who take it out on other people in the weirdest of ways. There are also a lot of egos about who like to think they are better than other people and so entitled to be in such a position. I think it's partly to do with the insecure nature of the job esp for post docs and the intense competition you have to really keep an eye out. But it makes for a horrible and really uncomfortable working environment. If everybody sees what this postdoc is like they'll soon be wary of him and he wouldn't have anymore "allies." Good luck and I really hope the situation improves. (up)

From the Evidence Presented Above this guy certainly seems belonging to a Specific Class of Bullies. Do not give him more fuel and will subsequently burn itself out. Their fuel is when someone gets intimidated and looks confused. Next time if that happens just tell him to go to the common room for the French conversation as this is sort of disturbing you...and give you the necessary breathing space.
A post doc is in no way superior...nor is the supervisor. Take your stand and sort out your own priorities towards a successful project.

Goodboy - I think telling somebody to go into another room for the specific purposes of French conversation because it is sort of disturbing you would be a bad idea. It would be understood as discrimination and fan the flames - unless all conversation around you is raised as problem because it is disturbing your work.

Candle is bang on here about how academia can breed possibly the biggest egos in the work place. People need to stay grounded and realise that everyone is there for the same puropse. The expansion and innovation of already existing ideas with the hope of creating new ones. I can sadly understand why the post-doc acts like this (as well as other people you may come into contact with), his work is the most important thing in his life and he does not have much on the outside to put things into perspective. He thinks an awful lot about what people think of him, especially intelligence wise. It gives him an insincere satisfaction and reasurrance to put others down, yet he does not have anything fullfilling at the end of the day when everyone goes home.

Goodboy - I know what you mean (although I don't reckon I'll be telling them to take their French elsewhere! They'll jump all over that like a dog on a cat!). Just to stand up for myself more and be assertive. I like to keep the peace and so probably do look confused and intimitated most of the time because I hate uncomfortable, awkward situations. I did tell him after he bawled at me in the lab that he was being disrespectful and how dare he speak to me like that. And also explained simply why his actions and anger were mis-directed, as I had not done anything wrong. He became defensive but later apologised. Then the next day the creepy intimidation started. I guess it's a more indirect approach and he thinks there's less chance of a confrontation again as I cannot really react to his behaviour.
My friends tell me to stand up for myself or ignore it, some days that's easy. Others are not, especially when you're having a particularly edgy day. And I don't want to start hating him and becoming angry....or fan the flames like chrisrolinski said. Best to take action if it gets worse or ignore it at the cost of distancing myself from the research group. As long as my work doesn't suffer any more then that's the main thing.

Cheers guys, it's lovely to know there are real nice guys out there.

Been there got the t-shirt! I had to deal with it from a lecturer. I know about insecure egos in academia and when this happens it can cause a toxic environment in the department, or the lecturers in your department may themselves be toxic.

I have a feeling I know you so if I can confirm you on PM, I know exactly what is going on.

hi jennifer5248
I really feel for you; you don't have to work with this person anymore, right?
love satchi