And I keep going on......

E

I am in my 3rd year of a PT PhD and I work FT in Greece. I have started writing, so things are still difficult.
At the same time, I moved to a bigger house, because my boyfriend (3.5 years together came to live with me). I had to deal with another person, clean, cook, iron etc and study at the same time.
Yesterday, I broke up with him and kicked him out of the house because he didn't respect me or my work (he kept saying that he is the only one working and that studying is not work).
Now, I have to adapt to the new reality and at the same time prepare for my visit to the uni, next week, and for all the work that I have to present there.....
I feel that there aren't enough hours in the day............... Last week is always very difficult as I have 3-4 meetings with my supervisor in a week and so many tasks for these meetings. But now this came and made it more difficult.......

Sorry, but I had to talk to someone..........

A

Oh Emmaki!! You poor thing :-(

How can he say he's the only one working when you are working full time AND doing a part time PhD?! That's just silly. I obviously don't know all the details of how your relationship was, but if he didn't respect you or your work then I'd say you have done the right thing, and you are brave enough to take that decision with everything that is going on. Is there any chance you can take a few days off for yourself to go out and have fun before your meetings? If not, then perhaps you can take a break after, I think it is important to let yourself adjust to the situation. Try not to panic too much about not having time to do things, you can get it all done, just try to stay calm and focus on your work when you are doing it. Write down a list of everything you have to do, even if it includes going to the supermarket to get groceries, if you write everything down you will be able to decide what the most important things are, what to do first, and what tasks can wait until after your meetings when you have a bit more time. Then get started on the most important or difficult things, and you will know that you at least have them sorted for next week. And eat all the chocolate/cheese/sweeties/takeaway food you want to get through this next while, you deserve it! Feel free to PM me if you ever need a chat..

T

I'm so sorry that he let you down like that Emmaki, it must have really hurt you. But at the same time, I'm so glad that you had the guts and the self-respect to call him on his behaviour. In case you ever have a moment of doubt, you deserve much much better!

Let yourself adapt at whatever pace feels right, don't try to force yourself to be ok. Do you have friends or family nearby who can rally round and support you? Even if it's just to let you rant, make you dinner or come keep you company. Ask for help from people you trust and don't let yourself feel bad for accepting it. There are times to be superwoman, but now isn't one of them.

As Algae, says, is there any way you could delay uni things? If not, write a list, do the absolute top priorities and don't worry about things being perfect. I'm sure your track record speaks for itself, and if you're worried, drop your supervisor a note asap to let them know that you've had a personal/family crisis and haven't been able to prepare as thoroughly as you normally would. Despite appearances, even academics are human, and you are allowed to have a personal life now and then.

PM anytime if you need to talk/let off steam, and *hugs*! I think you're very courageous :-)

E

Thank you both very much. You are so supportive! I really needed this encouragement...

I have the full support of my family (my dad even threatened to go and kick him out literally)! I also have very good friends who are always next to me and try to take me out of the house....

I just needed to tell someone else. Someone who is going through the same difficult process (PhD) and understands better than anybody else why I am so frustrated.....

I think that studying keeps my mind away, so I am doing this until I go to my uni and then, I have promised myself that, I will take a full week off, just sleeping and doing nothing (except from going to work, as I can't take any days off).

Thank you again!!!!!!!

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