Hi all, I'm not sure if the forum is the right place to say this, but I suppose I just need some reassurance or something.

I had a cancer scare on Monday - all is ok, but they found a big lump in my breast when I went for my regular annual family history tests on Monday. They gave me half an hour to get a sandwich for lunch and then I needed too get back for further testing. It turned out to be completely benign, so I cannot tell you what a relief that is. It was really scary though and I still feel a bit shaken up by it, tired and like sleeping all day. I think the fact that it all happened at the same clinic I used to go to with my sister (who died of breast cancer recently) made it that much worse. The staff all start looking at you in this different, serious way.

Anyhow, although it's a huge relief, I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything much today I just feel like sleeping and watching tv. But I feel really guilty about that as I'm not teaching at the mo so it's my time to work.

OMG Eska (((hugs))) I'm glad to hear its benign. I went through something much less scary, and I was scared, so I can't imagine what it must be like. At least they sorted it out quickly and you weren't waiting for weeks. My mum recently had a scare and my dad phones up 2 weeks before she was due to have it checked out to say that she was definitely dieing - erm no she wasn't so had 2 weeks of extreme stress, and then for it all to be normal.

I think you should snuggle up in front of a comedy, I would recommend a film, but as a film student you probably think my taste is poor! and eat some maltesers :-)

hi eska
I am so glad you are ok and it is benign. My cousin had breast cancer; she's well now.
Why don't you put your feet up and relax, do something nice, don't do any work today.

love satchi

I've been through the same thing twice and you should not underestimate how traumatic something like this can be. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. My mum died a few years ago of breast cancer and just being in the same hospital brings back memories so I can understand how you must have felt.
My partner recently went through a health scare after having chest pains and we had to wait for scans and results etc. It was very stressful and in the end there was nothing wrong at all. But I know the feeling of relief was palpable. And it does make you tired so take the day off, sleep and watch TV, knowing that tomorrow is another 'healthy' day when you can work again.

Aw jeez Eska, (((((massive HUGS)))))

today is totally a day you should take off if you are feeling a bit out of sorts. It's not just that it's a health scare, things like this make you question everything, bring back often painful memories and even though things are ok, you find yourself questioning things. I've never had a scare like this personally, but in the past 3/4 years I've buried my aunt due to bone cancer, 2 friends mothers due to breast cancer and one of those girls brothers has also just got the all clear for brain cancer. Not to mention the various scares my own mother has had with heart and kidney problems, and her sister almost died a few weeks ago due to kidney problems.

I cannot even say how relieved I am for you that it's ok, but you definitely deserve a day off, to do whatever you want. I'd suggest not spending the whole day on your own, but whatever suits you best. And definitely big up on the malteasers!!

Oh heck you poor love!!! Even without your family history there is nothing more terrifying than a scare like this, with your circumstances even though you are clear its going to have shaken you something awful and you need time to recover from it. Sod work Eska, you need time to get yourself together again, take the time you need to just chill out, relax and heal emotionally from the shock. Although they could quickly reassure you don't underestimate the effect of those looks and the memories, the pain etc flooding in as you faced your worst fears will have had on you. There are things in life far more important than work, far more important than this life of study we lead, and you couldn't concentrate anyway - you've had an awful experience! Much love to you Eska, relax and be kind to yourself, you owe it both to yourself and your work, a few days will make no difference whatsoever come the end result - a submission on Monday or on Friday makes no odds in the end xxxx

What a horrible, stressful situation for you! What a relief that it was benign - but I agree with everyone else, it's bound to knock you, particularly given the family history, so you need to take some time and not put pressure on yourself. A nice relaxing day to recover some balance seems to be in order. And longer than one day if you feel you need it, too - there's no sense rushing into work through feeling guilty about leaving it and then not being able to focus properly and ending up stressed about that too.

Take care and try to do something nice for yourself xxx

Eska, honey (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). I can't imagine what you went through, oh goodness. I am mortally petrified of cancer, I dont even want to get started, my fear itself is a problem. Take as much time off as you need and get better. Oh sweetie, what a trauma it must have been.

It certainly puts things in perspective... I'm so happy for you that you received good news but am sorry that you had to go through that, especially in light of what you've already been through. So sad to read about your sister as well - that's truly terrible in itself and I'm sure your still feeling a great sense of loss. You've been through a LOT - be kind to yourself and don't feel guilty about having a breather - you deserve some time out.

Oh Eska, i'm so glad it was benign, but equally so sorry you had to go through that. Take as much time as you need to sleep/watch tv/whatever, this is your brain's way of processing it all and you should give yourself the space to do that. These things are terrifying enough normally, but having recently lost your sister must have really loaded the situation. Right now I think your "work" should be to look after yourself, the research will still be there when you're back on an even keel.

huge hugs via cyberspace!

Hi everyone, thank you for all your supportive words: big hugs back again ((((( )))))))!


I did just sleep, watch TV and eat chocolate yesterday - not maltesers, but reisen, which usually do the trick for me. Today I got my hair cut, went Christmas shopping (it was the only way I could really justify a spending spree) and started a life drawing class, which was fab, so I reckon I'm ready to put my toe in PhD waters again tomorrow.

Thank you again x