Hey everyone,

I have been trawling through this website for over a year now, trying to learn from others experiences.

My position is as follows:

Like so many posts on here, I definitely started this PhD for the wrong reasons and find my topic fairly dull. I am researching energy generation, which (on the face of it) I am interested in as I believe global warming, carbon emissions and sustainability are all very topical subjects. However, as I quite quickly discovered, this broad field of interest is not really covered by something such as a PhD which is inherently narrow.

After 14 months of doing the PhD, I have already completely changed the nature of my research to see if that created more interest for me, however that overwhelming lack of motivation and the guilt that comes with it hasn't shifted.

I'm finding it very hard to find a focus for my research, however I have recently had meetings to discuss my progress to date where external reviewers have assessed my work and been happy with my progress. There are even a couple of industry collaborations lined up.

So, basically I am miserable and lonely doing this PhD, and know that I am not working anywhere near my hardest (in fact hardly working at all) and I was wondering if at 14 months any one else has been in a similar position? I feel like opportunities are falling into my lap and I hate saying no to anything, a PhD with an industry sponsor pays well and looks good on the CV.

I am basically counting down the days til my luck runs out and they suggest I leave. I know that I am not capable of doing a PhD, especially with my current approach, and how much harder it will get over the next couple of years. I just hate quitting. Plus I don't have a clue what I would do instead.

This is a bit of a vague post, but really just needed a sounding board - and anyone who's had a similar experience of what I like to call "pretending to do a PhD", what they decided to do (leave/carry on), and whether this horrid feeling towards it all ever goes away.

Cheers

1) google 'imposter syndrome'

2) don't believe the hype - you don't *have* to love your subject. I hate mine. Like you, I like the general area/discipline, but the topic has no real interest for me at all. I just treat it like something that has to be done.

I guess it depends what you want to do long term and what the options are in your field.

I didn't like my topic either. I didn't go off it during the course of the PhD I just never had an interest in it from the outset but I found it more attractive than the alternative of unemployment and so went with it. I think having no interest in the topic helped in a way as I found it easier to let go of it and on a very positive note I never felt guilty when I didn't work on it! I'm with Sneaks, don't believe the hype as you don't need to have a passion for the subject in order to complete it.

I hope things work out for you.

I'm also not enamoured with my particular topic (in the same general field as you) so I treat it as a job. 9-5 each day, never worked a weekend so far. I'm currently writing up two papers after 13 months work and haven't felt that it's been "hard work" at all. Have a look at other options. If you don't find any then keep going, better to be being paid to do something that you might not enjoy but seem to be good enough at (according to your supervisor) than unemployed and looking for a job. It's harder to find a new job when you're unemployed for a start.

*holds up hand* imposter here....just passed viva with minor corrections. I think there are many many many PhD students that feel exactly the same way and it is pretty normal to do so. I didn't and still haven't lost the "imposter syndrome" hence my stress over my minor corrections (another story).

As for not being interested.....well.....lots of us have to find funding to do the subject we want to do. If you get funding offered by a research council it will be in an area with very narrow scope and not very likely that you'll have had much thought about it, though generally the subject you love fits around it. You then have to *become* interested in the scope you have been given, in order to acheive a PhD in the subject that you love.

It's VERY hard to keep the momentum going, and this is where you must indeed really really want a PhD and realise that you are in fact still researching your subject area but probably having to apply it to something that you find quite dull or uninteresting or worse something you'd really rather NOT be doing for ethical/moral/personal reasons. It is the double edged sword of receiving funding to do it.

I have a feeling that you are falling in to this category, and again, this is a pretty standard scenario to be in.

Keep at it.
;-)

Hey everybody, thanks for calming my nerves a bit. I think if I view this as something I have to do (job-like) then maybe I can see an end to it.. it's just always so difficult to find ANY motivation - I swear I am now an expert at procrastination...

But thank you still, it's good to hear other people had/have similar situations.