pls help me with my Kingston personal statement

posted
10-Feb-14, 13:56
by lovelyn
Avatar for lovelyn
posted about 5 years ago
Admission Form
General Section
1. What are the reasons for applying for this postgraduate course or research degree? Please refer to career and personal reasons as appropriate. Indicate how you intend to manage your studies with your other commitments

I have always been fascinated by computer security and hacking and I've always dreamt of doing stuff like that. My first reason for applying for this course is to increase my knowledge of network and information security. Another reason is, through my findings about Kingston university, I found out that they have highly qualified teachers and they make use of state of the art facilities and equipments to teach and carry out researches. I also want to do more of practical work as I didn't do much of that during my first degree.

2. How will you benefit from a postgraduate course or research degree at this time?
I wish to pursue a masters program in a network and information security with management studies to sharpen my technical skills. I consider this course will take me to the next level in my career as a skilled IT personnel will increase more competitive advantages in the business.
posted
10-Feb-14, 18:34
Avatar for TreeofLife
posted about 5 years ago
You probably don't want to say you have a love of hacking... maybe say protecting against hackers.

You haven't said "how you intend to manage your studies with your other commitments".

"I also want to do more of practical work as I didn't do much of that during my first degree" - you might not want to highlight potential weaknesses.

I think you need to make it longer, with more details and highlight how your previous experience makes you a good candidate.
posted
10-Feb-14, 19:01
Avatar for FinnicketyKick
posted about 5 years ago
Hi Lovelyn,

The following is usually a good guide to writing effectively, especially if English is not your first language: The rule of CARROT.

C = Content. Have you addressed the questions and explained your answers fully? E.g. the second question about commitment has not been answered. Also, be specific with your answers – you say you have made findings but how did you make them? Website, Open Day etc.
A = Accuracy. In this case, research and equipment are uncountable nouns (this means you never put them in the plural). I really recommend you get a teacher/parent/friend to proofread your writing.
R = Register. Have you used formal language? E.g. hacking, stuff, contractions such as don’t (write do not) etc.
Range = Have you demonstrated that you can use technical language without going into jargon? I don’t know anything about computing but I imagine “hacking” could be changed for something more technical, you could describe something specific about the “state of the art equipment” that you liked, and you could elaborate on the practical experience you would like.
O = Organisation. Where are your paragraphs? Does what you’re writing flow logically? For example, every time you give a separate reason for wanting to do your course, start another paragraph. 2-3 sentences per paragraph is fine and remember your linking words/connectives e.g. however, furthermore, in addition etc. (Also check your wordcount.)
T = Target Audience. What is the reader going to think after they’ve read your work? Imagine it’s Friday afternoon and this poor reader has read 99 applications which are all roughly the same. Would you sit up and take notice of what you’ve written or roll your eyes and move on to the next one?
Related to this part, I’d also recommend not talking yourself into trouble i.e. don’t say that you haven’t done much practical experience – it’s a reason for the reader not to take you on. It’s enough to say you want to develop it and give some good reasons.

Hope this helps.
posted
11-Feb-14, 13:12
edited about 7 seconds later
Avatar for IncognitoJunior
posted about 5 years ago
Hello lovelyn

Above two posts provide very good comments and feedback on your personal statement. I would just add a few comments related in choosing this discipline of study. If I get it right, you have indicated that you wish to combine management studies with information security. Please keep in mind that these are different areas of research and you may end up with superficial knowledge of both these areas. If you are really interested in any one of them, you may like to just go for that one. Usually fascination with a field is over after you get started with it and get into its real difficulties and intricacies. It is always a good idea to stick with continuing your postgraduate degree in the same area as your undergraduate degree. Just my opinion.
posted
15-Feb-14, 16:29
by lovelyn
Avatar for lovelyn
posted about 5 years ago
Thanks everyone, I will make the recommended changes.
posted
26-Feb-19, 15:37
Avatar for BaileyRansom
posted about 3 months ago
Over two posts give great remarks and input on your own announcement. I would simply include a couple of remarks related in picking this control of study. In the event that I take care of business, you have shown that you wish to join the executives thinks about with data security. If it's not too much trouble remember that these are diverse territories of research and you may finish up with shallow learning of both these zones. On the off chance that you are truly inspired by any of them, you may jump at the chance to simply go for that one. Normally interest with a field is over after you begin with it and get into its genuine troubles and complexities. It is dependably a smart thought to stay with proceeding with your postgraduate qualification in indistinguishable region from your college degree. Simply my feeling.

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