I'm just coming to the end of my first year and have to submit a first year report. My supervisor so far has been quite relaxed and told me a month ago there was 'no deadline' (even though I knew it was close), then told me a week ago I should really get it done... The problem is I've had health problems for the past few months with visits to the docs on and off. I've just been told by a specialist that they're 90% sure I have a chronic neurological disorder. It makes me very weak and my mental capacity has been affected. However, I've not told anyone. My supervisor is also a friend (I've worked with him for a few years) and I haven't told him as I feel as if I'm letting him and everyone else down (this is a funded PhD). I've been just trying to hold it together - I'm only on campus a day a week as I live 100 miles away so I work from home. I've made excuses but I'm seriously worried now as I find the condition is really affecting the way I think. I have a ton of data, over 70+ pages written up, but it's all a mess (my supervisors went through it with scores of red pen and it needs a total re-write) but I've found now that it's taking me a day just to do one page... I can't decide if I'm depressed because of the work or because of the fact my mental capacity has declined that much I can barely write a paragraph...
Sorry guys, really needed to let it out and see what others thought.

Firstly, you are not letting anyone down, you haven't chosen to be ill. I think you really need to tell your supervisor, university and funding body about your health issues. Later down the line you can use that to get an extension of funding and deadlines which you may need. It may be the stress of not telling them is making things worse. It sounds like you have lots of work done already, don't worry in your first year everyones work is a mess (mine still is in 3rd year haha!). If your university is anything like mine no one really cared about the reports anyway it was just to show you were doing some work and you had a plan with how to use the rest of your time. Make sure you get all the help you need health-wise too and look after yourself.

Thank you for the reply. Yes, I'm going to speak to my supervisor next week - if I can get hold of him. I think the reason I'm stressed is that I'm panicking over the report which is just making it worse. My other supervisor is not someone I know very well - she told me as it stands the examiners would throw it back and I would be in 'emergency measures'... yet it's Masters standards?! Part of me thinks I don't care and my health is more important, the other half is all pride and I don't like failing... ah well.

I haven't heard of anyone failing their first year assessment or upgrade, I know of one person who got told he hadn't done enough but he didn't fail, he just had to go back a few months later with another version. But every university is different so yours could be stricter. My report wasn't even read by anyone, they just asked my supervisor during the meeting if it was ok, he nodded and then they signed and dated the sheet and shuffled me out so they could get the next person in.

If you're like me panic can put you in hold mode, when I stress too much I just freeze and can't do any work. So try and get everything off of your chest to the supervisor you know and maybe the stress will he lessened and your productivity might come back a bit. Your illness will obviously also have an effect, I've read someone on this forum's experiences of a similar illness I think it's BilboBaggins, perhaps look back at their posts as I'm sure they gave some good advice and experiences about working with a neurological illness which may be helpful.

Thanks for that, Caro. Yes, I am probably panicking a bit, although I'm not normally a panicker. It's just one supervisor who has been all gloom and doom telling me it would emergency measures then a month to get it right or out... although other students I've spoken to have said they were late and that the examiners barely glanced at their reports. Apparently, everything has changed this year as they've tightened up on procedures. I'm annoyed as after 3 years of undergraduate study where I took my final exams just after a major bereavement, a masters and 3 years of research assistant work and never had a day off (I'm lucky as I'm rarely ill - usually) I'm dropping behind and I feel as I'm letting myself down and there's no room for error... but of course there is. Thanks again guys - it has helped just to type this out.

Aarrggh it looks like my message has been wiped in an edit!

I'll type it up quickly again. Basically I agree with the others that you need to speak to your university and supervisor. If you are in the UK there would normally be a disability services service which you can register with, and they then liaise with your supervisor and the university to put in measures that level the playing field for you. This will be easier once you have a final diagnosis. Are the consultants near to that stage?

I fell ill with a progressive MS-like illness aged just 22. I was a full-time science PhD student and had to leave that after my funding body, EPSRC, would not support a switch to part-time study (I was too ill to continue full-time).

I retrained as a historian, picking up 3 more degrees, including PhD, all studied part-time. My history PhD was funded by AHRC who were very supportive, including allowing me a break for medical reasons in the middle of PhD to give me a chance to recharge frazzled batteries. My supervisors were great, and happy so long as I produced the work. I had some trouble with the writing, but kept going, and completed. I had special arrangements at my viva, agreed with the examiners, because by then a 1-hour meeting was all I could cope with. Near the end of my PhD - which I completed in just under 6 years part-time - I was coping on no more than 5 hours total study a week, in 1 hour chunks.

My story is online at

and you should check out other posts there from other disabled/long-term PhD students recounting how they coped.

Good luck!

Thanks for that Bilbo will have a read. Yes, they're thinking it's MS although no formal diagnosis yet. When I first started the PhD I asked if I could possibly do it part-time (I'm a single mum - hubby died when I was taking my finals for my first degree and I haven't worked full-time since) but the funding body states that it's full-time and that's it. The problem is I have to collect data at certain times of the year - and this is very intensive - the last lot were two weeks of 12 hour days, my doc thinks that is what has set me back and made my condition flare up - I was off my feet for two weeks afterwards and only just feeling a bit better although my mental state is all over the place. I know I can't do that type of work again without being very ill again. I'm in tears typing this, but actually feel a bit better telling you lot. I have emailed my supervisor and asked for a meeting and will take it from there. Thank you all again, can't tell you how much you've all helped.