Feeling hopeless and out of my depth

T

I'm sorry for clogging up this forum with another "everything is terrible I want to quit" post, but here goes.

I am in the second year of my PhD in Chemistry but I have very little to show for it. I have a small amount of data but it feels rushed and not very good. I somethimes wonder where all the time went.

In undergrad I really like my subject, but I've never been very confident with practical work, and I'm always scared I'm going to mess up. This leads to me either avoiding something or rushing and making mistakes. As a result, I've lost confidence in my ability to do anything. To tell the truth I've almost stopped caring and think I'm in the wrong project. I live on my own so I'm alone with my thoughts a lot, which makes things worse. What's keeping me here at the moment is that my lab group is awesome, I don't want to think of myself as a failure, and I don't have anything else lined up so why give up?

My relationship with my supervisor isn't great at the moment. He is pushing me to get results but if I ask for help he usually just tells me to work out how to do it myself. Normally I wouldn't mind this; I want to learn new skills, but sometimes I really have no idea what is going wrong (if anything) and there isn't anyone left around who did the earlier work on this topic that I could learn from. Am I expecting too much?

I need better ways of dealing with things going wrong. I sometimes moan to my group but they seem so much more capable than me, so if they try to be reassuring I don't really believe it. Has anybody else had similar doubts about themselves and how did they deal with it?

B

You are not alone in how you feel. I think it's normal to feel this way at the initial phases of PhD because i do too, and although i'm in my first year, i feel like i am not getting enough results and it feels so slow like i'm not doing much. Sometimes it even feels like i'm wasting my time but i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I tell myself to keep at it and hang in there. It will get better in the end. My supervisor is co-operative and well aware of whati am doing, so i feel that if he thinks it is not robust enough he would point it out. There are times when i'm left alone to do all myself and i embrace the feeling of independence and report back to him.

Anyway my point is don't be discouraged, hang in there, read more and trust your work. You are the "CEO" of this research and you should act as such. The data may be small for now but i assure you it will get bigger and sometimes it's not about how small or large the data is, its more about the quality.

I have also learnt not to underestimate any data i have as 'small'. I blow it and report it as part of my findings. Even if it's just say temperature readings or GPS coordinates of your study area. Blow it, present it on tables, figures whatever and don't feel that it is small. As long as it is an important data, it matters. Develop a positive approach to the whole thing and exude confidence. Trust me your lab colleagues may not be more capable than you, they may only be more confident about whatever they are doing. Even if they have similar feelings like you, they may not show it. I believe things will get better with time.

Best wishes.

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