Is this common practice?

K

So - things got a bit complicated with me, my supervisor and project idea... will try to explain this as a "long story short" ...
- We started working together (me in my finalist undergraduate year) - things got a bit complicated with my progression, and I had to take a extra year to complete my degree. He was willing to wait that year for me to finish - but boy, can alot happen in a year to change things. We met intermittently during the start of the year, and continued developing our ideas... but then I developed feelings for him (go figure), told him - said we shouldn't work together if this will be an issue.
So, we kind of "scooted around the issue" - but then shortly after, we both went though some very intense 'personal issues' with health - and we started developing a more "personal relationship" with talking about this more often, and less about the project. He said I should probably go to another university (as I mentioned initially I may go elsewhere) as he would not be reliable... he never mentioned anything about the project until a couple of months later when I asked if I could take the idea (or some of what I developed) to my new university - or mention it in my proposal. None the less, he was not too pleased with this idea... but we both worked on developing the project, so I feel that I can take what I specifically worked on elsewhere.
What makes this situation so complicated is that it was never an "official" project (being that he was waiting for me), it got mixed up with all the personal issues... and now, I am finding it difficult trying to figure out where I stand with him... :(
He changed his mind about giving me a professional reference too, which I thought was rather odd...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
(and probably the answer to my question this wouldn't be common practice? lol)

P

Most certainly isn't common practice. The only advice I can offer is that you submit the proposal (if that's what it is) elsewhere and try and move forward.

K

Thank you for your reply. I think thats the difficult part - it was only a planned 'idea' for a project proposal, so there's no proof (really) that (especially me) worked on it :(
Certainly left me hurt and confused... he struggled to communicate the 'why's' of his decisions with me - which made it so difficult.

T

Hi Kat, I agree with pd1598 - try to move forward as quickly as possible rather than dwelling on it. Stuff happens - people can abuse their power when in an equal relationship (even when it is only a working relationship - never mind when personal issues get involved). Hope you can quickly move on and good luck with finding another project or submitting your proposal elsewhere.

K

Thank you for your reply, Tudor_Queen - it is much appreciated! I think that is exactly what I need to do (hence, which I am doing now!) It certainly is always at the back of my mind - ie "am I hurting him in this process?" ... but I think I have done my best given the circumstances!

B

Take the idea forward yourself, but consider that he might also try to publish this work himself in the meantime.

And I would think about trying to find other references. Lines should not be blurred in working situations like this, he has abused his position and acted unprofessionally, and I advise you to stay away.

K

Thank you for your reply, butterfly20. Yes... he did change his mind to be a reference for me - initially he said it was fine, so I placed him on most of my applications. Now he is saying it's too difficult to write...

B

If it is possible I would put down other references in future. And I really would advise that you don't tell someone in that position that you have feelings for them in future.

K

Yes - that was a poor decision on my behalf... :(

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