posted about 2 years ago
I've completed 2 years of my PhD, 1 more left. I really don't know how to get forward with my work, I'm always feeling down, and I feel like the laziest, most useless person at this university.
Is there anyway to get past this? Is quitting the only option? I kind of wish I could quit, but I don't know what else to do (I need a job!), I don't want to disappoint my supervisors (who are clearly more optimistic than I am), and once upon a time I really dreamed of becoming a researcher, and gain more knowledge on the topics I find interesting. Initially, I thought I was the perfect candidate for a PhD. Obviously not.
The requirement for my PhD is 3 papers. One is under review (and has been for 6 months now...), one is under work (has been forever...) and the last one is not even planned.
So what are my issues?
- I am lonely. I hate working alone. I need to work with people.
- I find the work difficult AND boring. I work with Stata and all I do is write codes, day in, day out. The topic is just a big "whatever" for me.
- I struggle on getting anything done. I've been working on paper 2 for over a year now, I am still not ready to WRITE, all I do is analyses in Stata, and the results are poor, hence - more analyses and codes.
- Therefore, I don't understand how I can ever, ever finish approximately on time.
- I find things difficult, and therefore feel stupid because there are so many things I don't understand, or manage to understand by reading.
All this leads up to me sitting in my office, glaring at my screen, doing (almost) nothing because the work I am supposed to do is boring/difficult/meaningless.
Sorry for all the whining. But how do I break out of this vicious circle? I've had 12 months off because I had a baby, so obviously having a break is not the solution.