loss of intellectual confidence and the good old procrastination! on PostgraduateForum.com

loss of intellectual confidence and the good old procrastination!

statictraveller 15 posts
7 years ago

Hi,
I have lost my (intellectual) confidence. I am one year three months into my PhD and honestly all I can say at this stage is that I finally know why I'm doing what I am doing but I am so overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do and disbelief in my shortcomings (i.e. my brain does not understand bioinformatics) that I end up procrastinating.
About 6 months ago, my Sup indirectly mentioned casually that I should be writing papers and that there's enough data for me to do so. 6 months have passed and I'm still going round and round in circles with my initial data-analysis. I haven't started writing anything. I started to write a review 2 months ago, submitted 1/8th of a draft to my Sup and she's been too busy to read it and suggested I should leave it until she gets back to me. Having gone round and round in circles I still do not have a concrete conclusion for my initial data-analysis. I spend my days with "what ifs" and look for papers published in 1970s(!) that I can never access nor even read their Abstract as they don't exist instead of productively and systematically get real work done.
In addition, I would like to tear my hair off as I can easily spend over 48 hours to run a script, having never ever had any bioinformatics training, which ultimately fails. I have heard many PhD students "yeah we taught ourselves Python or R". I am sorry but they must have a much higher IQ than me because I cannot get my head around simple stats, let alone script-writing.
Also, I am so lonely. my research group consists of me and my Sup.and nobody else around me does remotely similar work to me. I am totally in the wrong department!
Any advice on how I can stop procrastinating and get on with this? I love my research, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Tudor_Queen 2097 posts
7 years ago

Don't worry, it is a normal feeling, I think. Re R and Python... I don't think they're really about IQ - some people just have a knack where others struggle. What resources are you using for stats? Have you managed to find a book you get on with? That can make a big difference.

I'm sure others will have more helpful things to say but I just wanted to write and say keep your chin up - it is normal : )

Tudor

pm133 1246 posts
7 years ago

Quote From statictraveller:
Hi,
I have lost my (intellectual) confidence. I am one year three months into my PhD and honestly all I can say at this stage is that I finally know why I'm doing what I am doing but I am so overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do and disbelief in my shortcomings (i.e. my brain does not understand bioinformatics) that I end up procrastinating.

In addition, I would like to tear my hair off as I can easily spend over 48 hours to run a script, having never ever had any bioinformatics training, which ultimately fails. I have heard many PhD students "yeah we taught ourselves Python or R". I am sorry but they must have a much higher IQ than me because I cannot get my head around simple stats, let alone script-writing.
Also, I am so lonely. my research group consists of me and my Sup.and nobody else around me does remotely similar work to me. I am totally in the wrong department!
Any advice on how I can stop procrastinating and get on with this? I love my research, I don't know what's wrong with me.

OK first off, you really need to knock some of this stuff on the head, such as comments about your IQ etc. It's nonsense and you are using it as a weapon against yourself. Self flagellation isn't going to help you here - you will just drive yourself insane.

Not one of us on here has a different story to tell about how overwhelming our first few months are. Not one of us. Lonely, overwhelmed, feeling a bit shit, whatever - we have all been there. It would have been nice if someone had prepared us for this before we start so we know what to expect. The first sentence in the PhD acceptance letter should read "Welcome to Big Boy/Big Girl school. Buckle up and prepare to feel inadequate for the next 4 years".

Now for some constructive advice :-D
Before you even start talking about Python or R you need to understand what problems you are going to solve with them.
For that you need books on Bioinformatics and Statistics- particularly introductory level for both - I am sitting with a Stats book on my shelf called Introductory Statistics by Wonnacott.
There will probably be a key book or two for the discipline.
Read it and make sure you understand it.
Only then can you hope to follow literature papers.
Once you have both you can then start thinking about the tools you will use such as Python and R. In my opinion, this could easily be 3 to 6 months of work to get all of this onboard so you might want to get started on a plan.

By the way, I would ignore what your supervisor thinks right now. They have already failed in their basic duty of care over you by not providing exactly the advice I have given you above. That should have been the first thing you were told. Also, you are not there to write papers. You are there to master a discipline. It seems your supervisor doesn't even appreciate that either.

Kahn 38 posts
7 years ago

Quote From pm133:
[quote]
OK first off, you really need to knock some of this stuff on the head, such as comments about your IQ etc. It's nonsense and you are using it as a weapon against yourself. Self flagellation isn't going to help you here - you will just drive yourself insane.

Not one of us on here has a different story to tell about how overwhelming our first few months are. Not one of us. Lonely, overwhelmed, feeling a bit shit, whatever - we have all been there. It would have been nice if someone had prepared us for this before we start so we know what to expect. The first sentence in the PhD acceptance letter should read "Welcome to Big Boy/Big Girl school. Buckle up and prepare to feel inadequate for the next 4 years".

Now for some constructive advice :-D
Before you even start talking about Python or R you need to understand what problems you are going to solve with them.
For that you need books on Bioinformatics and Statistics- particularly introductory level for both - I am sitting with a Stats book on my shelf called Introductory Statistics by Wonnacott.
There will probably be a key book or two for the discipline.
Read it and make sure you understand it.
Only then can you hope to follow literature papers.
Once you have both you can then start thinking about the tools you will use such as Python and R. In my opinion, this could easily be 3 to 6 months of work to get all of this onboard so you might want to get started on a plan.

By the way, I would ignore what your supervisor thinks right now. They have already failed in their basic duty of care over you by not providing exactly the advice I have given you above. That should have been the first thing you were told. Also, you are not there to write papers. You are there to master a discipline. It seems your supervisor doesn't even appreciate that either.

So true ♥♥

statictraveller 15 posts
7 years ago

[quote]Quote From pm133:
[quote]Quote From statictraveller:
Hi,
I
OK first off, you really need to knock some of this stuff on the head, such as comments about your IQ etc. It's nonsense and you are using it as a weapon against yourself. Self flagellation isn't going to help you here - you will just drive yourself insane.

Not one of us on here has a different story to tell about how overwhelming our first few months are. Not one of us. Lonely, overwhelmed, feeling a bit shit, whatever - we have all been there. It would have been nice if someone had prepared us for this before we start so we know what to expect. The first sentence in the PhD acceptance letter should read "Welcome to Big Boy/Big Girl school. Buckle up and prepare to feel inadequate for the next 4 years".

Thank you so much!! :-) truly honestly thank you! after having spent a week at a conference and being told the same advice you've just given me by truly inspirational scientists, I am geared and ready to take over all my previous fears and tackle bioinformatics and computational side of my work!

loss of intellectual confidence and the good old procrastination!

Post your reply