I found recently that my supervisor cheated my bench fee. That also has negative impact on my PhD progress which will take longer to finish. I am now thinking about commit suicide.

Hi Arthemesus

When did this happen? Do you have someone close/who you trust you can talk with in person? It is really important you talk about these thoughts and your feelings.

Here is some very helpful advice - please have a look:

Can you spend some time with someone you know? If there isn't anyone you know or trust, why not call the Samaritans or your GP? Talking will help,

Tudor

Thank you Tudor_Queen. Unfotunately, they forwarded me to student counselling. It is not helpful. I called Samaritans but no one picked up the call yet.

Hi Arthemesus,
I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. It's important you speak to someone as soon as possible as Tudor Queen mentioned.

Try the Samaritans again.

You could also book an emergency appointment with your GP.
Or you could phone NHS 111 in England open 24 hours a day. They should be able to help. They have doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals, they can call you back.

Don't let yourself feel down because of something your supervisor did. Are there anyone at your department that can help out with the practicalities of this issue? And as mentioned by Tudor_Queen it is really important to talk out about such feelings and thoughts; try to call Samaritans again. They are offering support 24/7 all year round.

Here is another option as well: https://www.bigwhitewall.com/v2/landingUK.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2f

I would guess many of us here have been through some dark times with our PhDs - it can be a very lonely and demoralizing process, especially when things go wrong that are out of our control, e.g. bad supervision.

But it's important to keep some perspective. I found it comforting to remind myself that even if the worst happened and I failed or couldn't complete my PhD, life would still go on, I could have a different but still fulfilling career, I would still have value as a person, do worthwhile things in my life, have a family etc. The PhD may be very important to you right now, but it's not more important than your life, health and happiness.

Arthemesus, I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low and have had such an unfortunate experience with your Phd so far. I think you have been given some excellent advice and hope that this has been helpful to you.

You mentioned that you had been referred to student counselling but that this was not helpful. I would encourage you to persevere with the counselling for more than one visit, and if you continue to find this unhelpful, return to your GP to see if they can recommend another counsellor-perhaps one outside of the university.

My thoughts are that you will need some face to face support beyond supervisors and forumites as you sort through this final year, and it sounds as if your family are far away or perhaps not helpful in this situation (even if they do love you). Counselling is something that takes a little while to work. It is a bit like taking a course of medicine-improvement can sometimes take a while. However if you do engage with it regularly, it can be very supportive and the counsellor will work with you to help you find ways forward that right now you can't access as you are distressed.

If you continue to have dark thoughts please return to the GP and be very honest about your thoughts and feelings. Kind regards P

Arthemesus, I urge you to listen to Pju. I was fortunate enough to have a close friend who asked how I would kill myself, I told lampost, car and her reply was "but you have a nice car." Made me laugh and distract me. Please seek support, it's not worth worth it.

Hi Arthemesus,

I cannot relate to this specific situation because I haven't embarked on a PhD, but I've had my share of moments where things have seemed hopeless, at that time.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Ephiny says, that there is a bigger picture to this. I urge you to see the positive in this situation, which is, that none of this is your fault, but your supervisor's. Did you make a blunder in your work? No. Did you fail to have your work at the required standard, absolutely not. You've come so far, purely on your merit, so do not blame yourself.

The situation is purely to do with your supervisor. It wasn't in your hands. There was nothing you could do anyway to predict that your supervisor would cheat your bench fee. This isn't going to be on your conscience, so be mindful of that.

If your PhD takes longer, so what? It isn't the end. You WILL still get it, it may take just a bit longer than you expected. It's all part of your journey to get your PhD, embrace it. I had a tough first year during my Masters degree, where I felt like quitting innumerable times, but I pulled through. You are NOT alone.

I strongly urge you to concentrate on getting your PhD done, as best as you can. You can then look back at this in retrospect, and it will all be fine.

Do not give up, you're better than that, and nothing is worth taking your life over.

I wish you the very best,
TNW

Hi Arthemesus,

You can be sad, you can be frustrated. But trust me, they are just temporary and imagine you are a big standing spring, when you have something drop into your head, you feel tensed and pressured, you are down for a while but after that you will push that object up backward. you will be back to who you are, with your family. It is not worth costing your life for just that thing.

I think of suicide before. Bad supervisor leave with bad end. I was 'rape' by a ' indian hindu sculptor who make religious idols. two years ago when i finished my religious study in ?? university in uk. I'm a Christian but force to study multi faith which think will help my further jobs or research. This crime around two years ago but I'm not aware other religious demon will attack other race people in the western country. This crime had almost kill me and my family. I told the campus police but one university told me to keep silent and even bar me went back to campus to use any facility and victimization towards researcher. I e-mail another lecture about the the crime impact on me and the dangerous of multi faith teaching. She totally ignore and breach health and safety and human right issue towards gender crime victim.. After this crime, i feel there are only 'demons' create religions to hurt people. They will abandon you once you repent them or tell the truth, The police not willing to prosecute this 'campus con man evils'. Only find out he been assault some students and women before.

I had suffer social and racial and human right injustice. I had some mental health and women center support. still looking forward to move out this horrible university area. I'm fear other people will be his victims next.
the bad religions still walking backward in uk...

this shouldn't be in 21 century.....

Hi there, I also have been struggling with serious mental health issue , being a final year student and still get stuck and feeling lost. It took me a long time to decide and seek for a professional help because no one seemed to be able to help anymore so I went to my GP and he referred me to a therapist; been through therapy now for 16 weeks and I am starting to feel the improvement. I have had suicidal thoughts and sometimes wished to get hit by a car so that I can escape my situation. I have not submitted anything to my supervisors for 8 months and now I am getting back on track; so I advise you to get help and especially to bear in mind that you are not alone in this. BEST OF LUCK