I've got PMT!

Short term advice: go home, go to bed with large box of Celebrations and a magazine. Long term: go on the pill. Gets rid of all menstrual-related problems.

See what happens when the this place gets to girly. threads like this.

Isnt PMT just an excuse to eat chocolate and shout at men? Like that whole child birth thing. Make it look painful for sympathy. Not like building a fire. Now thats real effort and pain.

Before I get hit, im only joking. Just so caught up in the whole chavanist thing. Hope you feel better soon! Juno has probably got better advice than me (seeing as I have never had it before), so I wont bother trying to advise.

I agree - building a fire is much more effort than child birth, which to be honest looks like a doddle.

With fire building there's all manner of potential hazards:

1) rusty nails in the wood
2) hedgehogs nesting
3) spinters

Now there's no way in the world childbirth can be more painful than a splinter... I've had one... and it was so deep I bled a little bit. Now way I tell you.

So if I built a fire, it would distract from the misery of PMT?!

Splinter are very painful. Ive had a couple over the years. I cant think of anything more painful. Well perhaps one of those grazes which dont bleed. They seem to be the most painful. Cant beleive having a child is that bad.

The body is designed for child birth, not for small pieces of wood. It has got to be more painful. Maybe its just that girly women cant take even small amounts of pain. Prob due to the lack of splinters in baking cakes. So they just cant handle it. Thats got to be it.

Try it DJWicked. Wouldn't it be funny if we'd found a cure for PMT - fire building. Imagine it - girls building fires in every park across the country.

Actually, no, that's a bad idea. Girls can't build fires. It's a man thing.

Ok, this is all new to me. What should I burn? Are there any tricks to building a sucessful fire? Do I need to go and buy some firelighters?

Firelighters???? Ha. I rest my case. Next you'll be asking for two sticks to rub together.

Petrol love, that's what you need. Petrol.

**actually I'd like to point out that petrol if very dangerous and you shouldn't really use it (disclaimer).

Wicked! I've got loads in my car. Just have to suck it out with a straw first

MistaG: they shouldn't have, cos if you're on the pill you don't have a menstrual cycle. The pill works by making the body think that it's already pregnant, so no egg is released. So I don't think it's possible to have those symptoms whilst on the pill. Unless they're just bitchy and nervous and annoying by nature, and I know a few girls who are.

Re: childbirth. Apparently the cause of the pain is that humans walk upright, and this has (over eons) caused the birth canal to become misplaced within the body. Monekys don't have such trouble. Neither do cats, I've seen that with my own eyes.

My friend has just had a baby and pushed so hard during labour that the blood vessels in her eyes burst. Apparently it wasnt a very pretty sight!

I've just had a bonfire and I drank so much that I fell over and hurt my leg - that's proper pain, never mind girly eyeball popping.

DJWickid - perhaps you shouldn't run before you can walk.

Next time you're round a friends house who's having a bonfire (maybe you're going to one this weekend), walk up to the fire and give it a little prod with a stick.

See... doesn't it feel good? Maybe if you're feeling confident at this stage (and wood stocks are permitting), you could try throwing on a branch to watch it burn. Only the one though - you don't want to put the fire out (a schoolgirl error technically known as extinguishing or dousing, but we won't baffle you with these complicated terms now).

As your technique improves, and you get accepted into the group, fellow nearby "fire prodders" will engage you in conversation.

Don't be afraid to point out exciting pieces of wood that are burning particularly well - this will earn you maximum respect amongst your peers.