Peace of mind

S

We are five PhDs (Let me name them X, Y, Z, A and B) under my adviser. We share common labs and common grad office room. We like to share with each other our frustrations regarding PhDs, express the dissatisfaction about our adviser, future after PhD and other pep talks. As we are five of us in team, it is very normal not to like everything that other person does. So currently I have found myself in a very weird situation in which colleagues pair up and bad mouth the one who is not there. It’s not always the same group of people though, for e.g. sometime its X, Y, Z who talk bad about B, sometime its all four talking bad about A, sometime it A and B talking against rest all. So I kinda feel, basically, its everyone who talks bad about other, at different point of time. Personally I do not want to be a part of it but I am not being able to stay away from it. When the amount of frustration and tension is very high, then you automatically tend to speak out things that was not needed to be mentioned. There has been times when bad things told about me have reached to me through loops of ears. This gives me unnecessary mental stress. I am wondering how I can avoid this kind of politics going on. I am totally not interested in other’s life. I want to concentrate in my PhD and concentrate only in my stuff. I am trying to find how can I handle the situation. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Thank you.

T

Welcome to the real world.

I don't know what to tell you. This crap happens everywhere. Just don't join in.

P

Quote From Sofi:
We are five PhDs (Let me name them X, Y, Z, A and B) under my adviser. We share common labs and common grad office room. We like to share with each other our frustrations regarding PhDs, express the dissatisfaction about our adviser, future after PhD and other pep talks. As we are five of us in team, it is very normal not to like everything that other person does. So currently I have found myself in a very weird situation in which colleagues pair up and bad mouth the one who is not there. It’s not always the same group of people though, for e.g. sometime its X, Y, Z who talk bad about B, sometime its all four talking bad about A, sometime it A and B talking against rest all. So I kinda feel, basically, its everyone who talks bad about other, at different point of time. Personally I do not want to be a part of it but I am not being able to stay away from it. When the amount of frustration and tension is very high, then you automatically tend to speak out things that was not needed to be mentioned. There has been times when bad things told about me have reached to me through loops of ears. This gives me unnecessary mental stress. I am wondering how I can avoid this kind of politics going on. I am totally not interested in other’s life. I want to concentrate in my PhD and concentrate only in my stuff. I am trying to find how can I handle the situation. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Thank you.


If I have read your post properly, it sounds like you have been engaging in this activity as well.

It's perfectly natural to bitch about people behind their backs from time to time but it needs to be a rare thing to do and you need to be careful to only say things you wouldn't mind them finding out you'd said.

My advice? Cut it out, ditch the group and get on with your work.

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