How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD

posted
13-Sep-18, 14:47
edited about 8 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Hello Guys,

I just need advices for my mental health, as I feel so pressurized, originally my personal life has many problems, and that PhD was a dream for me to be someone who can be memorized, my passion is to the sky. I also I have faced some health issues since four years, I forget all of these, and dedicate all my time to work.

I have mentioned about my situation that I am forced to quit although publishing and so on, now I am in a foreign country, I couldnot find any one who I could trust although I love people so much and different cultures, but now I feel that the candle inside me switched off.

I feel so bad, and dont know why this happen, why I have been faced by bad supervisor who didnot appreciated the grants I got. In the other side, there will be few people I know jealous will be happy about my situation, I am now 27 years old, and I feel that what I am doing in my life, all the dreams faced by a big smash, may be I am emotional, sometimes I try to be hard and fighter and sometimes I feel lost. I wish any one can tell me what I should to keep y sanity intact.
posted
13-Sep-18, 20:29
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
I think you need to work on why you need to be brilliant and memorised? You keep posting threads on the same thing and are struggling with the need to be noticed and accepted.
posted
13-Sep-18, 20:30
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
It really doesn't matter what people think. You have said many times that everyone other than your supervisor things you are amazing. I am sure you are but your focus should be on your research, not what
posted
13-Sep-18, 20:32
edited about 9 seconds later
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
others are constantly thinking. I would take this time to have some therapy or counselling to work on your experience at uni, but also the underlying beliefs about yourself. You are special as you are.
posted
13-Sep-18, 20:38
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
Look longer term and take each day at a time. I am concerned that you are depressed-there is hope to find another opportunity. I do hope you are ok.
posted
14-Sep-18, 14:36
edited about 2 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Now the HR and director of school want to me, I know may be I have to sign papers to terminate, I dont know, I am thinking about runaway and not sign any thing, I feel terrified, I still have to the end of the month and go. Please advices, I dont want to sign to something I forced from awful and racist supervisor, please advices.
posted
14-Sep-18, 15:01
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 2 months ago
Quote From monkiaa:
Now the HR and director of school want to me, I know may be I have to sign papers to terminate, I dont know, I am thinking about runaway and not sign any thing, I feel terrified, I still have to the end of the month and go. Please advices, I dont want to sign to something I forced from awful and racist supervisor, please advices.


No one can force you to quit your PhD without valid reason. Just don't sign if you don't want to. Could you negotiate to change supervisor? Could you switch to another project under a different supervisor, maybe even in a different field?
posted
14-Sep-18, 17:13
edited about 10 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Actually as I said before that this supervisor is not specialized in my topic of research and besides that he always belittling and racist as well! I proved something new and published in top conference, and I was being accused that this is not my work or drawings. He is dealing with me like a competitor. Okay, may be you will not believe, but he said to me from few days, that you are independent and he didnot like that, there are many things that I can accuse him, but I cannot do that at all. The project is related to him, and there is no one else working on that topic. I am totally distracted.
posted
14-Sep-18, 19:20
edited about 6 seconds later
Avatar for Becky1210
posted about 2 months ago
It's hard to know what was really happening to you on a forum.

You need to have a GOOD talk with a professional counselor at your institution. Can you contact graduate program coordinator / career adviser / School of Graduate studies? An international graduate service? Even a social worker can guide you to a right service. If you have mental problem, go to get a psychiatry appointment.

You won't get the answer, if you don't confront them.
posted
14-Sep-18, 20:11
edited about 2 seconds later
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
I knew from your writing that it was racism, I didn't want to say. I can imagine the situation exactly and I am sorry it is shit. Do you have student services there? Or counsellor as above. Do you have a visa for ur phd?
posted
14-Sep-18, 20:12
edited about 11 seconds later
Avatar for notsurewhattodonow
posted about 2 months ago
Nobody can make you sign. You need proper advice. Go to your university student services representative or head of school. I hope you are ok.
posted
17-Sep-18, 20:30
edited about 19 seconds later
Avatar for bewildered
posted about 2 months ago
First, I think you need to see a doctor about your mental health concerns. You sound very distressed and without much support and that's dangerous. You need some professional support here.

Secondly, I wonder if your desire to be well-known and successful is leading you to being unrealistic about what can be achieved in a PhD time frame. Is your supervisor concerned about the viability of what you are trying to do? And is there any chance that you're trying to do everything so fast that you've taken short cuts that could be seen as misconduct? You wouldn't be the first PhD student to fall into either trap and if your supervisor has been away as you say, I can see how things might have gone awry without any bad intent on your behalf. I hope I'm wrong and this is all down to the supervisor being a deeply unpleasant person as you claim but maybe worth considering.
posted
17-Sep-18, 23:43
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Yes, I am hugely suffering mentally now! I dont know what to say I just loved the research I was doing so much and getting results and publishing them in three top conferences! Solved problems in software that they use, helping others! By the end, he lied and say bad-mouthing about me that he has doubts that I can continue! There another senior student in my same group after 4 years and publishing more than 4 articles in journals and conferences, this supervisor mentioned he wasnot able to finish!


I am very sad, how would my peers would laugh at me, and he didnot understand what I did and never listened to me, always I was underestimated and belittled!

Honestly, I am exhausted, my dreams smashed to walls! Others labs when I approaching they offer two months at rat to test, which is exhausting to girl to go from country to another on her own! Its hard! I wish my life could end! because honestly I get tired and just contemplating why I get two grants from top conference! Why some people was interested to cooperate with me!

My little dreams was just to do what I am passionate about, just it! But I am honestly tired and emotionally killed, I cannot even express what I am feeling, I am lost honestly.
posted
18-Sep-18, 12:34
edited about 6 seconds later
by eng77
Avatar for eng77
posted about 2 months ago
It is sad what you have ben through. But this supervisor is not God. He cannot expel you from paradise. Just move on. Put that horrible experience behind you and look for a job. After one year or so, think again about it.
Cursing your supervisor and the system won't help you to recover. Just try to put that behind and look forward. Easy said, but hard to do I know. The only way to go.

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