Seeking for Advice!

posted
08-Oct-18, 17:36
edited about 29 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Hello Guys!

First I would like to thank for the support you give to the other students who face some problems! I have already resigned my first year PhD after working hard and proving it. Now, this doesnot end, I have been presenting at a workshop in conference where my work that my supervisor doubted has been accepted. He knew that while he was at the conference and threatened me to present that work and I was supposed to put his name, although he didnot help me at all plus he doubted it and forced me to leave, I have already resigned and this my work.

In addition to that, he followed saying that he is appreciated in the field and saying you are not going to help your self. I have been rejected from two positions although they were are interested in my work, they asked for reference and I put him as I spent one year and I dont have to lie, he said since one month after leaving, he would write a positive letter.

At the conference at threating me and trying to send the workshop not to present my work, he asked whether I found position and I said no and he said I know you will not find and that assure that he made badmouthing about me.


Now he bring another student, I feel pity on myself and there were also another senior student who spent four years and wasnot allowed to defend although publishing in top-tier conferences. In the other side, he will make another student defends her phd.

I am now have mixed feelings, I feel failure sometimes, my situation is little bit complex for some reasons and I am trying to do my best to find an alternative, but it is not easy!

I dont want to bring negativity, but sometimes, I feel sorry about one year I spent and see another student taking my office although I had grants and even that my work have been accepted at top conference, but what is the benefit, I lost confidence in myself.
posted
08-Oct-18, 22:32
edited about 6 seconds later
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 2 months ago
Hi, monkiaa,

Unfortunately sh!t heads like your ex supervisor exists and there is nothing you can do about them. I pity his new PhD student. History may repeat itself on this poor soul.

What you can do though is do something about yourself. Doing the best you can at a conference/workshop + networking as hard you can for your future role are priorities to you. I won't worry about his bad mouth and I certainly will not use him as a reference. Surely there must be another person - a postdoc or even a senior researcher from your group or adjacent group who is familiar with your work and able to give good words for you? I never used my ex supervisors in anything I applied for and was still successful in some of my job applications. While a supervisor's reference letter is of advantage, I think that it is completely overrated and is not the absolute determinant on whether you land a role.

Let go and look into the future. Stop feeling sorry or looking back because you have already decided to go. Lead a better life and excel in your future. That is the best revenge you can serve to your ex supervisor.
posted
10-Oct-18, 21:09
Avatar for PlantSci13
posted about 2 months ago
What country are you studying in? If you are worried your ex-sup is giving a negative reference, here in the UK it is not allowed for them to do so as it is potentially libellous.
posted
10-Oct-18, 22:47
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 2 months ago
Not being allowed doesn't mean it isn't done. For example, if the reference check is done by phone between two profs, can anyone be 100% sure that a bad reference is not given or strongly hinted? What evidence is there to show that a bad ref was given since it is not written? Best to avoid the problem all together and just not use the supervisor as ref.
posted
13-Oct-18, 22:19
edited about 12 seconds later
Avatar for PlantSci13
posted about 2 months ago
Quote From tru:
Not being allowed doesn't mean it isn't done. For example, if the reference check is done by phone between two profs, can anyone be 100% sure that a bad reference is not given or strongly hinted? What evidence is there to show that a bad ref was given since it is not written? Best to avoid the problem all together and just not use the supervisor as ref.


Of course, but OP can seek advice from a body at the institution if it was in writing (which OP suggested it would be - of course, they can make phone calls, too). It's their call.


Quote From monkiaa:
I have been rejected from two positions although they were are interested in my work, they asked for reference and I put him as I spent one year and I dont have to lie, he said since one month after leaving, he would write a positive letter.


Request feedback from the PIs.
posted
14-Oct-18, 15:29
edited about 19 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
To be honest, I feel lost, my situation is so complex! I have resigned and supposed to go out by the end of the next month! However, there another lab who knows my PI; after they offered ten months, they told we have to spoke to him and take his permission, then they reduced the offer to two months. This lab is another country, which is not very well known in Europe, they have mentioned, if I did well may be we can continue, they have offered me a low amount of money.

I am really destroyed, I dont know why this happening, my mental health is going so bad and if I go to office until the day to go out, the vibes are very very toxic which I cannot handle.

In the same situation, I escaped from my home country because of many personal problems that affected my health physically and mentally! I am really crying and alone here in foreign country and at the same time, I am afraid to run out of money as no one will support me.

I was always passionate and hardworker! I feel I am not lucky and cannot think and my mind hurts me. I am so sorry for writing, but real I feel so bad to the degree that I feel frozen.
posted
14-Oct-18, 22:13
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 2 months ago
Quote From monkiaa:
To be honest, I feel lost, my situation is so complex! I have resigned and supposed to go out by the end of the next month! However, there another lab who knows my PI; after they offered ten months, they told we have to spoke to him and take his permission, then they reduced the offer to two months. This lab is another country, which is not very well known in Europe, they have mentioned, if I did well may be we can continue, they have offered me a low amount of money.

I am really destroyed, I dont know why this happening, my mental health is going so bad and if I go to office until the day to go out, the vibes are very very toxic which I cannot handle.



Hi,monkiaa,

I am sorry that you are feelng so bad.Maybe taking some time out for a short break will be good for you.

Is it possible to change your mindset and see things in a positive light? I know it is easier said than done, but could you try?

You are leaving your toxic lab very soon. Your misery is coming to an end and your mental health and emotional state will recover once you are out of this horrible environment. Just hang on until then.

About your other lab opportunity, while they have shortened the your time, they are still giving you a two month chance to prove yourself. It is still a chance to show people who you really are. Why don't go in with this mind set? You have nothing to lose anyway. It is also a good chance to network with new people too. At best, they may offer you a long term role at the end of your time. At worst, you get new lab references and network. That way, you never need to rely on your ex supervisor (you shouldn't use him ever again) as referee for future roles. It's a win win case for you.
posted
17-Oct-18, 16:51
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 2 months ago
Dear Tru,

Really thanks so much for your advices and trying to support! May be this something I need to improve in my personality and it isnot easy, but I am trying. Really I am so grateful for those words that gives me hope and encourages me.

Wishing for you all the best and good luck

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