posted about 4 months ago
I don't know it's normal at this stage (I am at the beginning of my second year) but I do not know where my PhD is heading, whether it's going to be worthwhile, and honestly what the hell I am doing with it.
I have just begun my field research, which has been slow going as I am reliant on busy people who I've had to cold call and ask if they're happy to be interviewed. I have managed to get one under my belt, with a few more booked in, but this is nowhere near what I need to achieve before the end of the academic year. Although that's months away, it's taken months just to get these organised!
Meanwhile, I am so detached from my PhD topic at the moment. I just can't seem to get my head back into it. When I do try to focus, I feel like I am flailing about, trying this avenue and that, none of which really feel right. Most of the time, though, I am just not focusing on it at all. It's like the more I try to get into it, the more my brain wants to avoid it.
I am very lucky in that I have a great supervisor, and she has been extremely supportive, but she keeps singing my praises and saying how great I am doing - I feel like a fraud! :(
Part of the problem is that I am a sprinter, not a marathon runner so we have been trying to work on smaller, shorter deadlines to keep me on track with the bigger picture. Unfortunately, I am so far into this lethargy that even this isn't getting me back where I need to be. Meanwhile, as I also teach, I am finding that my seminar preparation is always up to date, my house is sparkling clean and I am keeping organised with everything else in my life! So why can't I just get my head in the game on the most important thing??