I’m hoping to get some advice about my PhD, as I’m finding it hard to see a way forward.

I’ve struggled in the last year and a half with physical health issues, it was really hard to get my practical work done in the lab, but I have finally got there. My relationship with my supervisor has become more and more difficult- I’ve posted here before, she has not been understanding about my health issues or my struggles with anxiety, and the situation between us has become really bad. I’ve tried reaching out for support to my thesis committee chair and postgraduate director, but they have become increasingly frustrated, saying I just need to keep my head down and get on with it, that I should just accept my supervisor is difficult and deal with it.

I have tried to do this, but every meeting I was having with her drove me closer to quitting my PhD and I was feeling very low. I managed to get through my lab work by having my meetings with her suspended, but this has been difficult too as I haven’t had any supervisory support.

I contacted the independent advice centre at my students union, who helped me find an academic to have regular meetings with throughout writing up. I was feeling more positive about getting back into enjoying my PhD without the issues with my supervisor, until this week.

I had another meeting with my thesis committee chair, and he is very insistent that I keep in email contact with my supervisor so I can get her feedback on my thesis drafts. She has asked for my lab notes and data as well as dates for sending her my drafts. I understand her feedback would be really useful, but the thought of any contact with her upsets me and I feel so much dread even considering it- recent emails from her have been confrontational and passive aggressive and she has consistently ignored me in the office.

I really don’t know what to do.

This is horrible and all too common (similar scenarios anyway - where relationships go sour). How would you feel about sending her the drafts etc and having her feedback by email? You don't have to meet with her in person. Would this be more manageable?

Thanks so much for your reply. Even the thought of getting her feedback by email feels difficult and is really worrying me. I thought I would be able to manage it this way, at least not having to meet with her is good, but in the last few days I’ve become more worried that the continuing contact by email is going to be a constant source of stress and worry over the next 6-10 months and I’m not sure I can deal with it. I just wish there was another path I could follow

You need to talk with your supervisor, not listen to her. It is in her interest for you to finish and it looks bad on her if you change supervisor. You can try and leverage that by making sure to compare her feedback to the other academics. I have a colleague who has a difficult supervisor but has 3 other supervisors and uses them to leverage her main supervisor. But again you can give her drafts (draft deadlines is a good idea BTW) and disagree with her comments. You are independent anyway, don't give her any power.

You mention a thesis committee chair, which makes me think you're probably not in the UK. I can see for example if her grant funded your work, why you might be obliged to give her data and notes, and it might be that the university rules require her to sign off on your thesis in your system. But could you just forget the personalities here and view her as 'anonymous reviewer 2' - the one who you inwardly groan at when you get article reviews but under the annoyance has made a useful point? That way you get what you admit would be useful feedback. it sounds like otherwise you are headed for a battle with your thesis committee chair and that just strikes me as one you don't need the stress of at the moment. Particularly if you are in the US/Canada where letters of recommendation seem to have a massive weight on the job market.