'Marriage meant more of a commitment though...and of course this is a very individuated experience and so other people might have very different thoughts. ' ... I'd disagree with you dude, but not in a bad way as I agree on 99% of what you write and as you said.. it's a personal thing!

My view, which is obviously different to yours is - a ring won't stop someone cheating, nor will a peice of paper, if you're married *sometimes* people stop making effort and think 'we're married, you're not going anywhere' and in this day and age, I would say a child or owning a house together is more commitment than marriage... you could walk out and 5 years later, file for divorce, never seeing your partner again and as long as your finances are not together... you're sorted.

If you have a house, you can walk.. but you'd be losing out on thousands of pounds, so would usually have to at least talk to that person again!

Ah, PC Geek, but what does commitment mean? If its the old ball and chain, then yes, a house or child or joint finances mean that its not that easy to get away. You have some ties that bind whether you want to be bound or not. To me that is not commitment, commitment is being with someone because you want to be, not because circumstances force it. Its voluntary. A house or a child represents perhaps greater RISK in a relationship if something goes pear shaped. ( I love that British phrase! where did it ever come from?) OK..I am stopping, there is not enough caffeine in my brain to fire the synapses, and I HAVE to get something done by days end.

Is the answer to the state of marriage in the modern world a giant commune? No wait, there was already a thread on that and it would not work. I don't know what would work, or what would solve the problems, or even for that matter, what the problems are. Except that I said I was going to stop posting, and that there is not enough caffeine in my brain.

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/food-entertaining/recipes/recipes/rachael-ray/133307

a recipe for mushroom smothered trout-does that not sound delightful!!

But does not a marriage come with the added committments of shared house and money?

That depends on your pre-nuptual agreement!

Money and house need NOT be shared...people probaby have a wide variety of arrangements, the house might be in the name of one and not the other, if owned at all, financials kept separate, whatever.

'That depends on your pre-nuptual agreement!'

Which aren't sadly legal in the UK.. however mutual declarations of trust are, apparantly.. which is why, in a couple of years when the boyfriend and I are in a position to buy a house, we will be signing one.. 50/50 .. apart from the cat, which is mine and only mine

hang on a moment, can someone explain please? if pre-nuptials aren't legal in britain, is there just one and one-only form of marriage contract? i know that in switzerland, there are three versions - a standard one and two others that you can sign up to. standard is more or less "shared gains": anything that either person of the couple earns throughout the time they are married belongs in equal parts to both of them, but anything either of them owned before they got married, and personal inheritances they receive, keeps belonging to them individually. but you can also agree to "divided goods": in this case what each person earns remains his/hers. in either case, marriage entails a duty to support each other, no matter if you decide to share your money or not. so can someone clarify: if i were to get married in britain, would half of what i own immediately belong to my hubby? (and vice versa) or are there options to that?

sillybilly, i think my outlook on marriage is quite realistic. it goes: you can hope it will work and the chances of it working increase with the effort you put into it. but you cannot count on it working. ergo, you have to consider "what if". knowing myself, i also believe that it has most chances to be successful if i "keep my own life".

statistics say that those couples who lived together/were together for most years before they got married are much more likely to break up than those who get married soon after getting together. what do you all make of this? i guess it bodes ill for my partner and me, as we've been together for 7 years and lived together for 4.5 years...

Shani: as I understand it (I've had no first hand experience) the British system means everything you have when you get married then becomes shared and any money earned is also shared, but if you get divorced things get complicated and it's up to the judge to decide who gets what based on contributions to marriage (ie if one partner works while one gives up work to look after kids that is considered as important as going out to work)

I'm also interested in the other system you mentioned "personal inheritances they receive" remain belonging to one person, what happens then if say you receive an inheritance and spend it on paying off the morgage or something?

Shani - no, it depends upon a whole host of things relating to divorce, not marriage; i.e. how long you've been together etc, etc, etc...
I got married to my husband after 12 months together (tho' we'd been living together for about 9 months of that ) and have been together for years now..... you guys are all so pessimistic on marriage!

Lots of pessimism indeed! Been married for 14 years me, hoping fot lots more to come. I changed my surname on marriage, though I didn't like my maiden name much either. And my husband has Doctor on his passport, from his PhD. I'll probably do that with mine too, assuming I get there!

laney, the inheritance bit is because basically, you were already entitled to your inheritance before you got married, just that that person hadn't died yet. so it's part of your pre-marital belongings, not part of your earnings during marriage.

and, as with other pre-marital belongings, if you use that cash to pay for something, that something is yours (or at least the part you paid for personally) and not your partners.
but for housing there are some special rules, such as: even if the house is in your name only (is yours only), there is no way you can make your married partner leave, short of divorce or a court order in case of violence. due to being married, you gain the right to live in the "family house". so even if the house fully belongs to your husband, if he hits you, he has to leave if the court so orders, and you get to stay.

I have heard that weird statistic before too - I have been living with my partner for 8 years now so I guess that is a bad thing!!! Seems odd though... I don't think anything will change for us expect having a piece of paper that says we're married and an extra ring... hopefully a sparkly one

This thread has gone off on a major tangent... and where are all the men??? Seems like all women posting... don't the men on this forum have any opinions about marraige and whether their girlfriends/wives would change their names? Clearly a lot of the women here have very well-defined opinions on the subject!