To be honest, I do understand women who refuse to change their name. If I think about myself, as a man, I don't want to change my name. It is who I am. So why ask a potential wife to give up her maiden name. Of course I wouldn't tell her that I really understand any concerns and would just be quiet and hope that she will give up her name without expecting me to convince her to do so. If she refused, however, hasta la proxima.

Having said that, I feel like I've been in an unhappy marriage for the past three years, my PhD and me certainly had an unhealthy relationship. I'm looking forward to the Viva to say farewell to my thesis and never "speak" to her again.

Logically, those who say they will/do use Dr because they have earned it should have spent their time since getting a Bachelorate putting the letters after their name.

Jouri, you would really REFUSE to marry a woman that kept her name? I am not criticising your standpoint, just trying to understand it. So--the woman you love, etc,etc, want to marry--the only thing that stands between you and her and marriage is her last name, and that if she does not change it, you would not marry her. Wow. What is it exactly--that underlies the whole change/not change last name thing that would make it this kind of make or break situation? What do men see in the name question that moves it to a situation where the whole marriage hinged on the name?

Again, I am not being critical of this view. I just want to get my head around it. If I had been presented with the other end of the ultimatum, change your name or no marriage, I would have said without the blink of an eye, hasta la vista baby, because I would have thought this position would bode ( is that a word) poorly for the future of the relationship...its dynamics, its values, and where I was seen as placed within it, and how decisions were made.

Isn't there a Spanish custom that takes all of this debate and puts it to rest, on the use of both the husband and wife's last names, and how the children are named? I also know of people who have combined their last names, not in the double barrel way, but say one was Blogs and the other Jones, they became Jonesblogs or Blogsjones..of course that is going to work with only a small number of names...

Yes, i think the Spanish have a good system. Also the Icelandic: sons take father's name plus "son", and girls take mother's name plus "dottir". Everyone's happy (but an awful lot of Magnus Magnusson and Peter Petersons).

As you said there only seems to be women contributing the name debate, I'm a bloke and I'll ad my view point.

I wouldn't be too bothered if I were to marry someone and she wanted to keep her name, I wouldn't be bothered either way, if I were the one who had to change their name I wouldn't be bothered either. Although I can totally understand people who keep their maiden name in their academic career. I think the problem comes with kids names. I think both parents would want their child to have the same surname and if they don't have the same surname then it gets complicated

In Greece, by law, the woman does not take her husband's surname, even if she wants to.
Personally, I like my surname and I would like to keep it.

I never knew that, Emmaki

What name do the children take?

Usually they take the father's name. But lately there are some cases where they have taken the mother's or both. I think it depends on the couple. However, as we are a very conservative society, the name of the child (not the surname) almost always is from the father's side of the family (usually his mother's if it's a girl or his father's if it's a boy). It'a a kind of tradition, not written anywhere.

We have a tradition in our family where the eldest son of each generation is called Daniel. So hence my brother is Danny, my grandad was daniel and my great-grandad was Dan, etc. The only generation not to have a daniel, was my dad's- my granny was too stubborn to use the name!

My brother and his g/f are having their first baby and are going to carry on the tradition, I think its really nice.

We don't have any traditions: don't even have middle names in my family. Very dull.

I'll be using mine loud and clear. I will have worked very hard to earn it. With many sleepless nights and grey hair, the least I can do is use the title that goes with the degree.

When I married my wife insisted on changing her name. Wasn't for the initial either: they're the same!