Thankyou Jamie. I had my scan at the hospital which unfortunately confirmed it was as bad as feared which has been quite a lot to deal with and process, but oddly, if anything it has cemented my determination to find some positive way forward to lead a life i find rewarding, as at the moment i feel stuck in a lot of unnecessary pain out of obligation, but truly think my future lies outside of academia. So i guess im still in a state of flux and so of course trying not to rush decisions, but also feel determine to see if I can find a better way.

Yeah, and i can definitely empathise with that regarding your supervisor problems. I normally get on really well and find him very understanding, but they are currently in their busiest time and have said some pretty callous things at the moment which disappointed me, but reminded be that its only me that can understand the reasons for any decisions i make . (The supervisor does not yet know of my plans to leave).
Well done for complaining, it was the right thing to do as a lot of these things only occur on the basis of the power imbalance, which allows for a lot of injustice on a human level. I hope things may have improved?

Thanks again, and I hope so for you too.

Melodie

Hi, melodie,

I am sorry for all the things that you are going through. It is a lot to cope. I am sure that the doctors will be able to recommend some good advices for you.

Since you have decided that your future lies outside of academia and you have different priorities now including your health (which is important), I think that your decision to leave is right for you. Could you drop them an ultimatum that you would like to write everything up now as a PhD or leave with an Mphil? I believe that they would accept the former as it looks better for them.

You can also slowly start exploring what sort of non-academic roles are interesting to you. Talk to people in the area that you are interested in to learn more about the roles and see if they are truly suitable for you.

But above all, put your health first. Take care.

Thanks again guys, it helps a lot to have some sort of advice in figuring my way through all this mess!

Tru, yes exactly , we're on the same wavelength :) Naturally i'd love to get some result from the last few years in the form of writing up, or writing up to MPhil, but I really do think I need to move onto something else as my current situation is only making everything harder. Of course I also need to stick around longer for any surgery etc, argh! I have spoken to the graduate studies director about options, but this week I intend to tell my supervisor of my need to wrap things up faster. So fingers crossed!

Jamie I'm glad things are getting a bit better but I realise it often still feels like such an uphill struggle with the impact on one's self. Remember to also prioritise your own well-being, as life is short and full of possibilities, so try not to find yourself prioritising things that are detracting from your life. (Of course this is all easier to say than do!).

Thanks, you too!

Hi Melodie,

Just wanted to say sorry to hear about your scan results.

I hope things work out for you. I don't think there is any objective right or wrong path to follow, but I do wonder if you should give some your time before making any final decisions. You are dealing with an awful lot of shocking news, maybe it's best to let the dust settle a bit?

Best,

N

Hi Newlease,

Thanks; yeah its taking some time to let it all sink in, but I went to see my supervisor the other day and told him about my thoughts on leaving or writing up an MPhil. He took it pretty well, as I think he already knew I'd been thinking along those lines for a little while. He's very busy with teaching etc atm so has asked me to wait a little bit before any final decisions so he can think of any way to get a phd without pursuing this second failed experiment which will just take too much time for someone to develop at my late stage of the PhD. So I guess I am indeed just letting the dust settle waiting for that, and have more doc appointments etc to sort out al the medical business. I guess it feel good that I'm taking the steps forward to sort everything, but from here on in I have no idea what my future will be!

I guess it's time to just carry on and see as I go. It feels better than I was feeling very stuck and in limbo before at least!

Hope you guys are all finding ways forward too,

Melodie

Hey guys,

It's been a while since my original post...but I'm still clinging on! Little progress has been made on the medical side, given how slow the NHS works nowadays, but there has been some good news!
I discovered the official guidelines about my PhD funding, and was quite shocked to discover that it looked like I should have always been entitled to 13 weeks paid sick pay per year. I inquired directly with the funding body with my specific case, and entered yet more additional limbo while waiting feeling confused and angry.

Family problems also elevated, with one of my parents sectioned and the ensuing chaos for the rest of us dealing with that. So very recently I was at the very end of my tether and preparing to leave. However, I got confirmation yesterday that I was indeed correct on the funding front, and so will be getting 26 weeks further funding after September! It's a bit crazy that I had to fight for what were clearly my basic working rights, and so an official complaint is going in to find out why on earth the administration was such a shambles and why I was messed around for a year and a half. But of course the upside is finally some acknowledgment of the fight i've been fighting, and some help to actually get a veritable PhD at the end of this saga.

So not at the finish line yet...and in fact even further away from it I guess haha, but at least I'm back in the game!