Angie,
You are scared of starting all over again due to hurtful experiences in the past. You are scared of getting hurt, scared that the past will repeat combined with thoughts that everyone thinks you gave up easily. But also you want to excel in life, through your studies and job. Also you are very confident that you are the best researcher, good student and have the feeling of “I can do this”.
Ok Angie, your past is just an experience, yes it is bad but an experience and you have learned to deal with worst nightmares. You are not the same person you were in 2006. Do not think that this is starting all over, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

This is a fresh start for you and you should takeover your supervisor’s offer and start your PhD. Take this PhD as a challenge, which you will succeed because of your confidence and don’t be scared. Think about present and future, think about yourself and not what people are thinking about you. You are extremely lucky to have an awesome supervisor. And if your supervisor is confident about you then you have already got your PhD just need to work a bit and write-up. You are ready for PhD, GL

I am not wild about discussing this here but we have no PM unfortunately. I also have a problem with depression and had a complete break down during my first PhD attempt.

It is very tough, knowing what to do for the best. Do you play it safe incase you get to ill to cope or is that too boring too tolerate? It's a balancing act and only you can judge. You do learn how to make that judgement over time.

I remember someone saying there were PhD places at my old uni going if I were interested, after I had been jettisoned from my first PhD - but I replied that I had 'lost my nerve'. I lost my nerve for a long time. But you can't live your whole life in fear.

The worst that can happen is that you will get depressed and feel unable to complete. If you face that, and think it through, and imagine that actually - even if that happened - you would survive and life would go on. Or maybe you would just have to take another break.

And don't worry about what people think. Being a bit crazy is practically compulsory in academia.

LU Planning, you are very optimistic, how very sweet of you to encourage me like this.

Smilidon- i completely relate to you. In my first year of the phd i was depressed followed by a break down in 2nd year- hence, the 2 year break that i am currently on. I don't know if you ever experinced it, but for me it was other academics- they were so scary, they knew everything i knew nothing, they spoke the 'academic' language, i could,

Hi

use your experience as the way forward, if you really want to continue with your PHD do so... I speak from experience through times when I could not put pen to paper due to fear and listening to the 'voices' in my head telling me what I should or should not be doing. However, I now submit this year in June....I would advice as a parttime student do what heart says...
goodluck

and still cannot. Even fellow phds i found were 'perfect'- so i isolated myself from academics which is career suicide if you are a phd student. Comparing myself constantly to others just made me seriously ill in the end. I ended up having a morbid fear of academic environments- which is not so bad now. Last week, when meeting my supervisor, he invited other academics over, we went for drinks and dinner and i actually had a nice time. They gave me suggestions on how to proceed with my research, so in that sense things are better- it's just a case of actually being strong enough to get on with it

Hi Angie

Its, a hard and lonely process (which feels like your are going mad)however, you appear to be working through. I embarked on therpy to get me going again, I needed to work on the concept of 'emotional intelligence'as my relationship with my thesis that was linked to why I was stopping myself writing up. It worked for me - perhaps something to consider very aware about the relationship

wow Angie, you felt like that too?

i've felt very depressed and inadequate throughout my phd. and still do, i don't feel like i know anything in my subject, and feel like one day i will be found out for a fake

at times i've even felt suicidal, or fantasised about running away from it all. phd is very depressing at times. most times. but other times it's not so bad. i agree, the scary intimididating supervisors and other academics really scare me, and i feel completely intimidated. the way they act sometimes so pompous and that they know everything and you know nothing. i hate that arrogance. and then critisise your work and make you feel so inadequate, i understand good critisism, but sometimes its just downright insulting.

joining this forum and hearing about how other phd students have felt and their similar experiences, doesn't make me feel so alone. and that i am not the only one that feels that way. makes me feel better..

Personally, I find it's the arrogant academics who are quite insecure about their own abilities, and therefore go on 'seek and destroy' mode. Unfortunately, I've been on the end of it too (not by my supervisor, but a junior faculty member), and very nearly quit on a number of occasions. Those are also the same people who tend to be in academia because they are unable to work alongside people in the real world (of course, there are some lovely academics too). With this in mind, I think it's important not to take criticism so personally, but rather to develop a thick skin.

Angie, you need to put your own wellbeing at the forefront of your decision, rather than issues such as your CV. But, if you are confident that you can restart research - then I'd say go for it.
It sounds like you have a good supervisor, which will really help. Don't be embarrassed about having to take time off. The reality is that many other faculty members or students will have done the same at some point. You're not the first, and you certainly won't be the last.

My PhD has taken longer than expected too, and my reasons for that are very genuine. Despite that, I feel like a guilty bullshitter when I ask for more time to my complete work. However, as PhD students, I do think we all become a little too introverted and paranoid about how other people view us, particularly if we have not fulfilled the role of the perfect student.

hey,

i just wanted to say, if you're feeling depressed and/or suicidal at any point in your phd there is help available. please make sure you access it! talk to your GP, the university counselling service or the samiritans (08457 90 90 90 or email them at [email protected]) as soon as you recognize you are feeling this way. there is no need to go through things like this on your own. especially in what can be a very isolating experience as a phd student.

A

I think you need some more concrete advice as to the viability of your project from your supervisor and maybe someone else as well. It sounds like it will be hard for you on a personal level, so it's down to whether you want to put yourself through that.
It might be worth completing an MPhil so it hasn't beaten you. Your supervisor sounds great!
I finished my PhD, but feel I couldn't cope with academia as a career and have lost a lot of confidence.

Your supervisor sounds super nice. If he or she beleives you can do it maybe you should take that as a sign? Good luck.