Hi everyone!

Few weeks ago, I made a post about my depression, anxiety, lost and lack of confidence. I started my degree during covid and the journey has been very tough. I strongly believed I could not handle my masters anymore and got zero chances to convert to a PhD as I planned.

I was thinking to have the “last” meeting with my supervisor before quitting. Surprisingly she encouraged me to think in a different perspective and try in a cooperative way. Today, I’ve got upgraded to a PhD, have chance to be an intern in my research area, met other PhD fellows, have enough rest and social life. I would like to thank the fellows here who have encouraged, advised and comforted me. The comments have taken me out of the emotional hell.

Thank you for checking @highopes
I have taken a break to power up myself. However, I lose all my motivation to pick up my project again…I don’t have confidence to catch up without sacrificing my health, free time, social life and quality family time…I’m thinking to quit.

Thank you rewt, it’s comforting to know someone understand my feelings. I did only see my flaws too. I feel more positive after hearing your experience.

Hi! I feel you! I have done that online since it starts. So isolated and lonely. I joined some of the online workshops which allow me to talk to others at school even it’s still virtual. But I understand that isn’t enough. Take care of yourself first. Take a break if you need (I’m doing that). I was told that not to make a big decision while feeling overwhelmed. It won’t be a problem to deny your decision making for a few weeks or months. Hope you are good!

Hi everyone!

A brief introduction of myself. I’ve taken a 6 months LoA after the first semester. I was not coping well with multiple things, eg. lockdown, rearrangement of my project, some personal things. After being back, my work has been received some good feedbacks. However, it went off track afterwards and my depression is back again. I’ve posted here and so grateful for all the advices and encouragement. My first priority now is looking after myself. Therefore, I’m going to take another time out to reset my mind again.

I’m thinking to take this opportunity to reflect and review. Lots of doubts in my own ability (self management and project management), my career path planning (one of my mistakes is I didn’t have a clear expectation of a PhD. Have no idea about what’s next), plans for organising my project.

Would you have any suggestions or ideas on how I can use the extra time wisely? Have you ever taken a LoA and what did you experience? Thank you for your insights!

Thank you Martian. I tried to consider about the PhD stuff without driving in too much emotions these days. Although I still feel terrible and empty for the high possibility of dropping out or being kicked out, I can see there’re both pros and cons in staying or quiting. I will have a meeting with my supervisors soon and believe that it will help me in making a decision.

Thank you Martian for your sharing! You’ve got me exactly right that I’ve put some much guilt on myself and it is killing my well-being, health, productivity and probably slowly my relationship. You remind me that my family, including my partner, never blame me even for a sec. My partner put it very clear that he is ok whether I work, study or stay home as long as I’m happy and healthy. He doesn’t prefer me to continue because he worries about me, however still being supportive when I’m carrying on. What actually kills me is about the judgment from those do not matter that much in my life. Yes following the logical thinking, it should not be at the top priority.

I was so afraid that quiting or failing the PhD at my age would be a big failure like the end of the world. Maybe no matter if I quit or continue it will be an experience I can learn from? So it’s not a 100% failure or waste of time?

Thank you Tru. I have already taken a 6 month break months ago…I thought it would be a game changer but now I seemed still being too weak to cope with the challenges…I have regular meeting with my counsellor. I have tried some techniques, like exercises (I can’t do it regularly though), diary, deep breath, meditation etc. However almost everyday I experience a collapse once. I’m afraid that one day my partner would lose his patience and love to me. I can talk to no one since most of my friends either think PhD is a silly option or something easy…I feel so guilty to the people who care about me but I’m giving too much burden to them.
sorry for my negativity, just try to find a way to get out of all these feelings.

Thank you in advance for reading. This is my first year and I’m going to have a milestone presentation very soon. But all I can see is I will fail. My research has not constructed yet. I see no light in recruiting any participants I need. I know people always say you could have a life outside a PhD but I don’t see I have or can achieve anything outside the academic world. I saw this as the last opportunity for me to get my career on track but I’m gonna fail once again.

During the pandemic and depression since the last year, I’ve been isolated, broken, done nothing but my study (which produces zero output). Instead of getting out of the PhD and thinking about another path of life, I want to quit it all and don’t want to experience or try anything else. Working on a PhD and keeping myself sane is equally exhausting.

If anyone experienced this and have a thought on how to cope with this? If it’s time to quit or it’s still normal?

I’m doing my masters and planned to upgrade to a PhD from the really beginning. I was confident when my initial proposal receive some positive feedback. However, things didn’t go well in my first year. I was experiencing depression, therefore took a 6 months break. After back, I have finished my first milestone presentation and the panels seemed impressed. I thought things were getting back on track. However, i made almost zero progress in the past few months...the second milestone is coming. And I don’t think I can make it...

Moreover, it’s time for me to make decision: 1) Applying for upgrading to a PhD. If I do, apparently it will be A LOT to catch up. I’m NOT confident with it and SUPER doubt with my ability.
2) Stay with my masters. Even if I do so, I think I still need to ask for a 2 month extension.
3) Switch to part time basis with my masters. My psychologist suggested me with this option because I was not doing well with my mental health.

I have basically no idea which I should go for. Lately, I can’t focus, avoid works, can only sleep until sunset, and feel that I may just try to postpone my failure by taking break and extensions. On the other hand, I’m clear that I’m interested in my research question and do think it’s valuable for some great efforts.

Would you have any thoughts on which path sounds like a better plan? Or if anyone here has ever taken breaks, extensions or reduced the workload, and could share his or her experiences? Thank you!

Thanks Wing,
It’s a very important point that the quality of research matters rather than just passing the deadlines or milestones. Focusing too much on the deadlines is one of the reasons of my demotivation.

Hi everyone!

I know they’re over discussed topics but just try to write my problems out to combat my anxiety.

I’m doing a masters by research and planning to upgrade to a PHD. I had a very hard time during preparing my first milestone. Although the feedback of panel was surprisingly positive, there’s a lot of things I need to catch up. However, in the last whole month, I made ZERO progress. There’s a mix of thoughts that I literally have no idea on what I should do, I’m so scared to experience what I had before the 1st milestone, I don’t believe that I can make it, and I don’t deserve a research degree. There’s anxiety, depression, self doubt and guilt. I’ve lost my motivation but also feel super guilty of doing nothing and anxious when I aware that the deadlines are coming. I don’t have any HDR peers which I can ask for suggestions. Just wonder how you overcome this kind of situation. How do you manage self care and catch up on research simultaneously? Thank you peers!

I have experienced, or still struggling with depression. I can relate to what you have said and understand how hard it could be to talk to your supervisory team about your mental health problems. I was struggling with the same issues, poor performance triggers my depression and depression leads to poorer performance as a loop. I didn’t want my supervisors to ‘find out’ how ‘weak’ and ‘incapable’ I was. Eventually I couldn’t manage it, and started the conversation with my supervisors via email before talking about it f2f. It turned out that they’re supportive and told me that it’s quite normal. I just want to encourage you to talk to them and let you know the consequences might be more positive then you expect. Also I understand the feelings of not being good enough. It makes us feeling lost, frustrated and overwhelmed when we can’t imagine how we could walk to the end from where we stand. Personally I’m still learning on how I can cope with it. Just want you to know that you are not alone. You are not failed but feeling like a failure is part of the journey.