Last week my wonderful grandad died of a heart attack. It was very sudden and unexpected. I miss him so much. I actually lived with my grandparents for a while when I was younger and to be honest it feels like losing a parent. As we're a small family (only my mum and I to help sort out affairs for my nana) I have been trying to manage his paperwork, ringing round etc.

I've been off work for just under a fortnight, they have been very good. But I know I'm going to have to go back soon and I just can't envisage it at all. The slightest kindness shown to me makes me cry. His funeral is next week, I have to lead a tutorial a couple of days afterwards and a senior professor wants to observe me. I really don't feel ready for that. I wondered how anyone else has coped following a bereavement?

Rogue is absolutely right to raise the status of your existing relationships. PhDs are funny things, not only do you have to adjust to the academic environment, but you meet people who are genuinely interested in what you're doing, and who you admire. And this can manifest into more complex emotions.

Lamp, cast the PhD concerns aside for the moment. Please take time to evaluate the state of your current relationship. Really think about whether it is right for you. More importantly, try and do this WITHOUT thinking of whether your soop is "the one". He has a partner too, and you absolutely cannot account for that relationship.

Yes, it is possible that you may genuinely love him. But it's also very easy to feel "starstruck" by those who are ahead of you in the game, and there's no mileage in it. Believe me, I know.

This is a difficult situation. Personally i think the whole professional/ethical issue in terms of academic relationships is by-the-by. If a relationship develops and persists, then it can be worked out in terms of who supervises you, etc to ensure there are no conflicts of interests. even if this means moving institutions. The issue that IS of concern is in Lamp's first post...

***both have partners***

Believe me, the personal ramifications of this are far greater than academic ones, IMO. People can - and trust me, WILL get hurt. Frankly, I think this should be the priority concern here

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I sometimes submitted abstracts then informed people afterwards. You don't even have to tell anyone. As AnnieG says, you will name yourself as the corresponding author. Even if there are other authors in your submission, responses will be sent only to you.

It's a shame your supervisor has outdated views. While she may have reservations about PhD students presenting, she should realise there are other things you can benefit from, such as learning how to put a conference abstract together and about the submission process.

Does she have similar views about PhD students getting published?

From a UK perspective, the time between submission and viva varies depending on when your internal and external can agree to conduct the examination. Rule of thumb is that no-one should generally wait more than 3 months, but of course all kinds of circumstances can lengthen this period. As for finding out if you've got the PhD, usual procedure is as follows:

You have the viva, are sent out of the room at the end, while examiners discuss it for 10-15 mins. You're called back in and they tell you the outcome there and then (I won't go into all the possible outcomes) Most people pass subject to minor corrections, they are given a certain amount time to do them. You can say you've got your PhD, but it won't be officially in writing until you do the amendments in the given time.

Some people pass with no corrections at all, v rare but not impossible! The Phd in those cases is awarded straight away

Wow! I applaud your strength - that can't have been an easy decision to make and to get to that stage and go through with complaints you must have had a sh*tty time. I wish you luck in completing your work.

PS. what's tha IOA - appeals? [blushes with ignorance!]

If you're in the UK you can take whatever supporting documents you like into the viva. Not sure about other countries...

I prepared a sheet that had line numbers on it, each line representing a page, and put about three key words on each line so that I could locate things easily in the thesis. I found it useful as I could respond to challenging questions like "Ah, but you see here on page X and Y that I've done Z". I also took in small printouts of conference posters I'd done which went down well.

When is it? All the best!

But...
in line with what Juno and Sixkitten say, it has now become EXTREMELY hard to get an extension after 4 years. I have not known anyone receive a fail for going over. However, I do know people who have been disadvantaged by the new rules, including a close friend who has a chronic illness that has previously necessited her getting extensions to her registration. Her department is now trying to bully her into suspending her studies, and she is very upset by the sudden change in treatment of her case.

To me, it makes no sense to automatically fail someone for going over 4 years, especially if they are motivated and have good reasons for needing more time. It looks bad for the uni if nothing else. While it is important to get students through in a timely manner, it's also important to acknoweldge that PhDs AREN'T straightforward entities that can be contained like taught courses.

It's really weird how some unis differ from others - sends out very mixed messages to people. At my place up until 2004/5, if a PhD was funded we had 3 years funded, then a 4th writing up year. The fourth year was unfunded and we paid a nominal writing up fee to retain workspace, library membership etc. Extensions were granted after 4 years for "special circumstances"

Then the rules changed, and we were send an email saying that we would be automatically classed as full time students for a 4th year, no writing up fee. We thought it was a hoax - the uni giving us something for nothing?! However it was true, and was merely a statistical exercise for them to boost their research figures by including 4th yrs in their research student stats. A large number as so many exceeded 3 years.
cont'd...

It sounds like the supervisor has her own issues/agenda with this matter and is trying to impose them on you, Juno's right. She sounds a bit bonkers TBH (the soop, not Juno!). I don't know a single PhD-er who has not worked in some capacity while writing up once funding has ended. It's extremely presumptious of your supervisor to assume that your husband should undertake a more supportive role, be this emotionally or financially.

Do you have postgrad student reps or a director or research you can address this with? If you coudl, I think it would be worth placing it on someone's radar, in case you take on the work but feel that the quality if your supervision declines due to her petulance/ignorance.

Philips/Pugh is good, but personally I found "The Unwritten Rules of PhD Research" by Gordon Rugg more helpful. It's written in a less formal way (which admittedly can sometimes be a bit annoying) but is accessible and deals with a broader range of social aspects that accompany the PhD process.

I think P and P are good if you're doing a pretty straightforward, science based doctorate though.

Congrats - very well done! Submitting in 3 years is pretty damn good - out of all the people I've known do PhDs only 2 of them managed to do this.

Very best of luck with the pregnancy and birth (and the viva of course!)

Have you asked him directly? I think that's the best thing to do. Looking at your posts it sounds like your supervisor has completed a few references for you. If he didn't think you were suitable for a PhD studentship I am sure he would have indicated this to you by now. But if he keeps going it, it's a waste of everyone's time - including his! And if anyone feels they cannot give a suitable reference for someone, they shouldn't agree to it in the first place. (Unless you've done something really bad like defraud the Uni or something, a sitation where a referee feels others need to know, but I'm sure you don't fall into that category!)

Have the places you applied to provided feedback on why you weren't successful?

It's also worth remebering that PhD places are very competitive. Harsh as it is, some places have even got someone in mind before they've even advertised a studentship. It sucks, but it's rife. Hang in there.

Hey, only just seen this... sorry for delay. My PhD is done and dusted, submitted last Sept, viva'd in January. It was in a Psychology discipline, but my first degree was an arts based one!

PS - I have a 2:1 too - and the subject area wasn't even remotely connected to my PhD!!