======= Date Modified 23 Mar 2009 19:42:33 =======
Hey Satchi, hope you had a wonderful weekend :)

it was mothers day yesterday so cooked my mom and family dinner. i made shepherds pie , it was so delicious, if i dont say so myself! i did some googling on how to make the perfect mashed potatoes!

anyways i havent done any studying today been quite poor past couple of days actually. ever since i started working on the viva questions, procrastination and boredom and frustration and kicked in.

i feel abit overwelmed by the sheer volume of the viva questions i've made myself! but perhaps i'm going about it the wrong way. instead of sitting down and thinking i can belt out the perfect answer to one viva question, and then move on to the next. i should take Jane Bolker's advice, and treat the answers, as if im producing a rough draft, playing with mud so to speak....

. if i think i just have to forumlate a zero draft/rough draft of an answer, that way it might be easier. yep i think i will do that :) yep i think that's better. so by the end of april. (in approximately a months time, i would have gone through all the questions at least once, and written a rough sketch of an answer).

okay going to start tommorow afresh and set myself the target of 4 viva questions. ontop of reading 6 pages of my thesis and reading one paper a day. its like the whole, when you have so much to do, you just paralyse yourself with feeling overwelmed and you end up doing nothing. but if you set yourself small targets, its easier to get to work.

so my aims for the rest of tonight.
1. 4 viva qs
2. 6 pages of thesis
3. read one paper.

okay starting today.
viva qs 1-4
6 pages of thesis
1 paper

you inspired me! i just went downstairs and got a vase and put some flowers that my friend gave me last week for cooking her dinner, and brought them upstairs and set them on my desk. they look lovely and smell so sweet and gorgeous! :) its nice to have them on my desk :) what a lovely idea.
(up)

oh and if you guys want to print out your very own wallplanner, here you go

they have individual months and a whole year on one single A4

i;m about to stick mine to the door!

http://www.year-planner-calendar.wanadoo.co.uk/2009-year-planner-wall-diary-calendar-public-holiday-chart-free.htm

======= Date Modified 19 Mar 2009 00:02:52 =======
hey Ruby and Satchi

wow Ruby, i did not know that about Grissom! loved your explanations about the other grissoms hahaha made me laugh. i agree with you, the original CSI will not be the same without grissom!! that totally sucks he is leaving

my revision is going okay, was rather slow today, i had to help my dad out about some computer stuff, so didnt get as much work done as i hoped. but i did read through 6 pages of my thesis and made notes. didnt work on any viva questions today whoops. must do better on friday! i printed out a wall planner (well A4) size for month march and april. and given myself a deadline of may 1st, to prepare for my viva. by then i want to have re-read the thesis again. and go through all the viva questions. even if just rough one line sentence answers. and have read through the mountain of papers i have piled up. approximately 40 days.

tommorow i'm going to the britsh library and studying there and reading papers there.

Satchi, glad to hear that the interview got sorted in the end. good luck, and good luck with reading the papers aswell!! :)

tommorow im also meeting up with friends in the evening and going for dinner and then watching the film WATCHMEN.

what a lovely idea and thread subject!!!

pamplemousse, i couldnt agree with you more!! i also love the fact i can control my own timetable and if i want to go for a bike ride in the park to enjoy the weather i can, whether i choose to or not, is another matter, but the choice and freedom is there.

i also love the british library too.

i love studying for my phd, because when all the stress and the "if you fail you're life is over" is taken off the table, i actually enjoy studying and learning about biology and making notes. i find it relaxing sitting at my desk with classical music in the background and lovely view of the blue sky and trees out of my window. i love how i can wake up at 11am, and study whenever i want to, and go to bed whenever i want. and i can take a day off and head into town if i so please and work at the weekend instead. i like being in control of my own time. thats the best thing about doing a phd.

take a few days off , and try to get away, do something you enjoy and relax , pamper yourself. then when you come back, try to make a realistic plan. it seems like the stress of having so much to do in so little time is causing you to feel demotivated. when you give yourself small tasks that are easily achievable, you will be able to work better. so my advice take a few days off and do not do any studying. then make a realistic plan, for all the things you need to do, ie work on your article abit everyday, mark one essay a day or 2 essays a day. dont try to do too much in little time, it will only stress yourself out. you're only human, so you cant work non stop like a robot.

best of luck!(up)

hello folks. i'm clocking in for today.

my aims are:
1. read papers.
2. read 6 pages from my thesis and make notes this time, not just reading (reading through my thesis again, worked out in order to read my thesis in 30 days, i have to read 6 pages a day)
3. answer 4 viva questions (i have about 112 viva questions, but even if i just jot down a few sentences for a viva qs, that's okay, cause later on i might get an idea and go back to it. so the point is to just familiarise myself with new viva questions each day and that way i can keep them in my mind whilst i read papers).

That is so true Ruby what you said, about how the whole process of viva is so "unknown" and blanketed in secrecy. i guess all we can do is try to prepare the best we can, but it is rather scary that your whole phd life is in the balance based on one day's performance for a few hours, seems abit unfair, i mean what if that one day you just had an off day, your mind just went blank. its a shame that you only get one shot at it. but you're so right, at least one good thing about the viva that its one step closer to finishing with the phd one way or the other!!

well i'm clocking it out for today. i've been studying all day long, with odd breaks here and there. so even though i was clocked in since 2pm, and am clocking out now at 10pm, TOTAL actual study time amounts to 2 hours and 40minutes! out of 8 hours. barmy aint it! but there you go.
i've only managed to read 3 and half pages of a review article, there were quite a few things that i didnt know that i then had to go off and find the definitions of.. and i made 8 pages worth of hand written notes from the paper. i find that i cant simply read a paper, i need to copy out important bits even if its just verbatim. i read that its a study technique that some people employ and im one of those people! i like making notes, and making notes from notes lol. not sure how much of it i will remember tommorow, but like they say its the constant reviewing that enables information to go from short term memory into long term memory.

tommorow i'm going to make a plan to start reading my thesis again and instead of just reading it, make notes from it. and also start making notes for viva questions too. perhaps i will be less ambitious and give myself to answer 1 viva question a day, and read 5 pages of my thesis. i find that if you give yourself a small task to do, you're more likely to accomplish it.

well i'm gonna go and have dinner now and then relax and watch a dvd :-)

i'm clocking out for today. night night folks!

ps checked my email, no email from sup (phew!) lol

Hey BilboBaggins!! thanks so much for your support ! well i did it, I just sent the email!! i was so nervous and re-read the email quite a few times!! but in the end i was happy with all that i wrote, now i'm just very very nervous as to what he will say! but yes you're right, things need to start moving, i cant just hope time will stand still

Miss spacey - hello!! nice to hear from you, thanks for checking through the email and encouraging that things should get moving. wow i did not know that about how vivas arent usually taken place over the summer, very interesting. well to be perfectly honest i wouldnt mind if i had till sept to revise for my viva lol ;-) i've heard of phd students waiting a year for a viva, there was this one phd student that had a viva exactly one year after he submitted ! but then other phd students can have their viva a month after they submit, but thats usually the phd student pushing for a quick viva so they can start a job or something.
i think its a good idea unplugging yourself from the internet. but like Ruby said, sometimes you need to just vent and share stuff to keep you sane. i know i did. so perhaps you can say to yourself, after you have finished work for the day you can pop in and tell us what you've done. sometimes just knowing that you have to report publicly what you've accomplished can give you motivation.

the website for timer is :
http://www.online-stopwatch.com/full-screen-stopwatch/

that's a great idea! i think i will do the same aswell so i can track how long i'm actually studying. i also have an excel sheet, where i clock in times im studying and clock out, and then count the total time i've studied. but using the timer is easier. you can use the STOP WATCH and then pause when you're away from your desk and then resume when you're working again. good luck!

Satchi - great to hear what you're planning, i'm glad im not the only one that has "reading papers" on the agenda, glad of the company. good luck with that.

Ruby- how wonderful to hear from you! really missed you!!! i'm glad you had a good rest and i admire you for starting to think about your viva and making a resolve to start studying. i'm glad to have a viva partner :-) if you need any help let me know, and i compiled a list of viva questions and advice, so if you want i can email you a copy of it. save you time having to compile common viva questions. pm me your email addy if you're interested.
thanks so much for your support , you understand perfectly how it is, that's so true, one stress replaced by another! but yep i agree, no point floating about , and knowing how much time i have left, i can then plan accordingly.
---

great to hear from everyone, it was getting very quiet around here.

my aims for today.

1. read papers. i've got quite a stack so want to get through as many as i can.
will clock back in at the end of my study day to confess how much i actually achieved. study time and papers read.

WELCOME WELCOME!!! always happy to have a new recruit!!

well its been a lazy sunday for me! i finalised my email that i am sending to my sup tommorow! yikes. my friend sent it back to me and said its fine. so emailing it first thing monday morning. and then i wont check my email till the evening, incase he says something that upsets me and ruins a perfectly good day of studying.

i'm going to relax for abit after sunday lunch. and then my aims for sunday evening are:
1. reading papers. and making notes. i've got a big stack of papers to get through. so will try to read as many as i can.

Satchi - keep writing, no matter how fragmented it is. every bit helps in the long run. just free write, without worrying whether its any good. you're making mud pies at the moment. think of them as zero draft versions :) good luck! and i look forward to hearing your daily aims and progress, will be nice to have the company. its awfully quiet nowadays.

nothing wrong with making a good impression by dressing smart, they will appreciate it. i would lean towards "smart" it shows you care about your appearance and made an effort. but smart shirt and tie sounds good too. if you're not comfy in a jacket.

oh wow i got two stars, when did that happen. :-)

======= Date Modified 15 Mar 2009 01:04:59 =======
i've decided to contact my sup on monday. i cant keep burying my head in the sand hoping he never contacts me and never organises my viva. i have to face my fear. i'm not prepared for my viva at all. but its time i should at least contact him and ask him whats going on with regards to my viva, so that once i know my viva date i can make a proper timetable, because right now i'm just floating around.

so monday is the day i email my sup and ask him. i'm not exactly looking forward to it, but its something i have to do, and i cant keep running from it.

okay i've composed the email and sent it to my friend to check that it sounds OK. i already feel better about it :) and feel i can breathe again.

the gist of the email is as follows:

.............."Dear X,

I hope you are well. I understand you are very busy, so I will try to keep this email concise. I did however want to congratulate you on all your papers that are being published this year, I did a pubmed search and came across several of your papers, which I have printed and will be reading. I also heard Mr Z interview on BBC 6 radio the other day about the Lancet paper.

Sorry I have been not in touch, I’ve been trying to prepare for my viva, going through my thesis again, reading new papers. But I still have loads of papers to read to increase my background knowledge as you had suggested, but i am finding it difficult to retain all the information in my head, but I am working on that, by making better notes and working on understanding the principles and revising.

I’ve also been doing research into the process of the viva, (i read the book “how to survive your viva by Murray) and have researched typical viva questions that may come up and compiled a list of 113 viva questions (attached file) which i am currently trying to formulate answers for.

I am currently working on the viva question “if you were continuing your project what would you do next”. I am thinking of incorporating copy number variance into the answer. Also I read a very interesting article in Nature about .......................Based on this I thought I might suggest something similar in the case of .................. I’ve attached the paper incase you are interested in reading it.

I feel quite overwhelmed by the viva and feel that I still have alot of work to get through, so I wanted to find out from you how organising the viva is going to work. When I handed in my thesis I spoke to senate house about how I need adequate time to prepare for my viva and what is the deadline to have my viva and they told me that senate house do not pose any deadlines and they simply hold the thesis until suitable examiners are appointed and told me if i want more time to prepare for my viva i should request a delay in appointing examiners from my supervisor.

So basically I wanted to ask you, are you waiting for me to let you know when i’m ready for the viva, and then you will arrange examiners for me and the viva or have you already organised examiners, or have you heard anything from QMUL as to when my viva date should be? I personally feel I need a few more months to prepare for my viva, and whether this is feasible.

I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your help.

Kindest Regards,

Lara.
======

my friend is going to check the email tommorow and then i will be emailing it on monday morning! yikes!!!! but i have to do it, i cant keep hiding from it. because who knows one day i might be told, my viva is next week! then what will i do. best to gather all the facts and be in the KNOW.

well i'm clocking out for today, its been a very emotional and stressful day. i've printed out a bunch of papers that are important for me to read, so will be reading them tommorow. and then monday i'm going to make a proper timetable that includes reading new papers, answering viva questions and re-reading my thesis again.

======= Date Modified 14 Mar 2009 16:40:14 =======
me too! i am doing way too much procrastination and not enough studying. and today i feel totally depressed and i dont know why. i dont feel like doing anything. and i am feeling so depressed and stressed about my viva. i really cant remember a single thing i'm reading these days and have no clue what my thesis means. im a blank slate! and i am avoidnig contacting my supervisor because i dont want him to organise my viva because im not ready and i will never be ready!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

i gave myself a deadline of april 1st to contact my supervisor. now i only have 2 weeks left ! and i still have about 100 viva questions i havent forumated answers for :( sometimes i just think they should just fail me and get it over and done with and i can just wallow in a dark corner in my shadow
---

EDIT

i just had abit of a breakdown luckily my best friend just called me and put things into perspective. she gave me sound advice and to tell me to just contact my sup and get it over and done with . and ask him for help and guidance and ask him when my viva is so i can properly prepare a timetable. right now i'm just sticking my head in the sand and living in limbo land. part of me doesnt want to have a viva because i feel if i dont have a viva, i neither pass nor fail. but thats no way to live. i feel like my life is on hold and i cant do anything or move on, until i get my viva done. so she's helped me compose an email and has told me to email it to him on monday and so that's what im going to do. im really scared about contacting my supervisor, but i gotta face my dragon. face the fear, i cant just hibernate and hide away hoping i never have a viva. thats no way to live. part of me just wants to be put out of my misery. she was so great, she told me it wouldnt be the end of the world if the worst thing happened and i failed. its like so what. life goes on. i was like im feeling very unhappy and deppressed and having suicidal thoughts not literary just feeling caved in.

so my plan for today. compose an email to my sup. and then make a list of the things i've done so far and a list of the papers i've read and make proper notes from papers i read so that it can help me with my revison. because i keep forgetting what i read so i just need to start making proper notes instead of just copying verbatim.

thanks for listening.

I am so sorry to hear that Olivia, i echo everyones words and it really is a phd students worst nightmare coming true. I hope you resolve it one way or the other and are able to move on one day from this horrible experience. i have this overwelming fear and feeling that i will fail my viva. you're definately not alone.