tell me if it sounds okay. thanks! please feel free to edit, suggest..
---
Dear *****
My apolagies for emailing again.

But I wanted to know how do I officially apply for an extension to my deadline? Just incase I do not complete my thesis by the september 1st deadline.

I also wanted to know what are my options if I fail to meet the deadline. (Also based on the fact, that the examination forms take 4 months to clear, and I have not sent them off yet, *****, I have not recieved them in the post, should I be worried they might have gotten lost?)

....

okay i am thinking of sending this email to my graduate tutor at QMUL asking how to officially apply for an extension. because i read up on the internet, that extensions have to be applied for in ADVANCE and not retrospectively.

and also if you don't submit your thesis within 1 year of "writing up" status, you are liable to a £250 fine.

or i want to know what my other options are , just incase i dont meet the sept 1st deadline. based on what my supervisor wants me to write in my thesis. and ask them, if they are willing to let me remain registered, if i pay for student fees or something.
---

Thanks cakegirl everything you said was really really comforting and nice to hear, i really appreciate it! you're absolutely right.

and reda, thanks alot, you're right it's important to look at it from a different point of view. thank you.

---

Thanks Smiloden, i appreciate you saying that about my supervisor. that definately helps to look at it from that different perspective.

yah i'm going to try my best, but not think it will the end of the world, that way i wont get depressed. i really did think it would be the end of the world if i failed and my parents and everyone would be so dissapointed in me. i think having that can really affect a person's concentration and cause writing blocks.
----
thanks again for your message.

i'm going to email my university, and clearly ask them what are the consequences just incase i dont submit by the deadline. and what i can do. better i find out these things now. than later.

thanks everyone. reading these messages again. has given me the courage and motivation to fight for it. but then realise if i do fail, than it wont be the end of the world, and i am not a bad person and stupid, but my apititude lies somewhere else.

right now, i will do my best.

thanks again. i don't know what i would do without this forum.

my friends keep calling to come to the party. but i told them no. and i've cancelled all my social engagements.

i'm even thinking of selling my alicia keys concert ticket (which is in july). any idea how i can sell it?

rjb203, thanks for saying it wont be the end of the world. you're right. i really needed to hear that.
---

Smilodon, thanks so much for your advice and message! it's made me feel better

----
Jouri, thanks , you're right. i should try my best. i'm glad i read your message, because i was going to email him and say, you're right i will fail. i should just quit now and save everyone time. but i think i will just give a plan and work something out.
----

Shani - thank you so much for all your advice and words of comfort and wisdom. really appreciate it. i especially have taken on board, about not making myself look good. but admitting what i have actually done, and moving forward.
i like what you said about does it really matter if he thinks i'm a lazy good for nothing phd student who doesnt know anything about my subject and doesnt deserve to submit or pass. i will try my best. i think that's all we can really do.
--

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words. i will keep coming back to this thread and reading all your messages, which is acting like such comfort and motivation
--
i have a huge headache from all the crying. but i wanted to personally thank you all.. before i go off to take a shower to clear my head and then later this evening. make a plan of my entire thesis. and maybe not spend too much time on background reading and trying to learn and understand everything little detail. i think i get bogged down with tangents and details. --

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words. i will keep coming back to this thread and reading all your messages, which is acting like such comfort and motivation
--
i have a huge headache from all the crying. but i wanted to personally thank you all.. before i go off to take a shower to clear my head and then later this evening. make a plan of my entire thesis. and maybe not spend too much time on background reading and trying to learn and understand everything little detail. i think i get bogged down with tangents and details. --

the thing is. my phd is registered with qmul. but my supervisor and big boss moved to ucl. so technically speaking. i dont even have a official supervisor, thats attached to qmul. i made alot of bad judgements and bad calls. but thats all in the past.

thanks for everythign you said. i feel really reassured. i'm gonna take a shower now, and clear my head, take some medicine, have some dinner. and then make a plan. and pull together a chapter draft. and plan my thesis in outline. and ask my supervisor to look at a rough draft of my whole thesis. i will do my best.

thanks everyone!

thanks omega, that means alot to me.

and thanks so much BB. everything you said, has been really inspiring. you're absolutely right. i have taken everything you have said on board.

i cancelled going to the party, my best friend and her sister kept calling. but i told them, i really cant. because i cant stop crying. and i dont want to embarrass myself and start crying at the restaurant. because i know today i'm hyper sensitive. i've also cancelled all my other parties and social engagements, completely cleared my diary and said sorry to all my friends. and i will just hibernate from everyone and just work on my thesis 24.7

right now, i have the biggest headache from crying. but i think i've had this bottled up for so many years, it just came all out. im glad my parents know now whats been going on. and if my supervisor refuses to let me submit with my thesis, then i will go to the uni and see if i can have something done about that.

so i will write back to him and say,yes i need your help to get my thesis written by sept. and i will do whatever it takes. and i've made mistakes in the past. but now i want to move on. he will think i'm a loser and dont deserve a phd. but at least i should try. i know he thinks i dont even deserve to be examined. but i have to at least try. and then worry about revising for my thesis, once i've submitted, and maybe i should cut back on reading papers and revising. and concentrate more on writing. and worry about defending my thesis at a later stage. i keep having panic attacks that i wont be able to explain something or answer a question.

i'm just going to clear my head for awhile. and then make a plan and write them back. i just hope i don't end up crying at the meeting. cause i can't stop crying right now. something just sets me off. i wish i wasn't so sensitive.

thanks everyone. i don't know what i would do without this forum.
deeply deeply appreciative.

thanks everyone. I cannot say how much each and every message meant to me. I wish I could thank you all individually and point out the things you said that made me feel better.. i will though one day

but for now. i want so say a big thank you to you all.

i have taken everything you all have said on board. i just had a long chat with my mom, she saw me crying and said that it wont be the end of the world if i fail, and they wont hate me. and that she will try her best to help me in whatever way, and if there are fines to be paid for late submission or registration fees, than she will pay for it. and not to worry. and told me, to just try my best and write. and like shani said, i wont worry about looking good infront of my supervisor. if he thinks i've not been doing anything. than that's fine.

the two projects they produced for me, were rubbish. if it wasnt for me talking to a visiting professer and coming up with an idea for my phd i would have no data, and they would have no papers. but oh no. that gets so easily forgotten. and now they want me to write a chapter on the one subject i hate the most. because it sucked up 5 years of my life and i still have nothing to show for it. and i dont even understand it fully.

it's like all of a sudden he's like we need to set time frames. where was he early this year or last year even? all he ever wanted to know was how the paper was. he never once asked about my thesis and just told me to get on with it and produce a polished version of it and only when it was perfect was i to show him.

and everyone knows he is so busy and has loads of phd students that he doesnt have time for anyone.

i'm not blaiming him. but i'm just saying he should have as a supervisor been more concerned about my thesis than he was about papers.

and the whole we gave you a RA job, i worked my butt off for that job, and i worked weekends! and i wanted to quit, and they still said no no, dont quit you can work part time and still work on your thesis.

people will always defend themselves and say they are in the right. but there are always two sides to every story.

would it be the end of the world if i failed my phd. i dont even want to stay in science. sure my parents would hate me and be extremely dissapointed in me and everyone would think i am a failure in life. and they are right. i am a failure.