Thanks for the update. It sounds as if you have taken steps and done things. So now you are still going and still deciding. I have two thoughts for you:

This is noble of you! You think it is up to you to insure that your institute does not need to pay the fine. You write that this gives YOU a deadline. I think that you are taking too much of the pressure on yourself. It is not your deadline, it is the institution that needs to be worried; it is their deadline. Why would they be fined, rather than you? Because (although they have been helpful, as you write) they obviously weren't helpful enough for you to know by now if it is worth going ahead with your PhD or not. By all means, if you are going to quit anyway, then do so before the deadline. But if you are really unsure, and just plodding on for the time being, then don't let THEIR deadline put pressure on YOU. Why not go talk to them again, explain the situation, and tell them that if you are to decide NOW, then you need help and advice NOW? Go get the help you need for making your decision. If they don't provide anything, then it is not your fault if the deadline is missed.
On the other hand: I know from personal experience that to constantly being in limbo, being "deciding" instead of "decided" is hard work, energy consuming, and can seriously distract from your real work. Maybe one of the reasons why you are not progressing as wished is because you are constantly considering if this is really for you. Sometimes it helps to put all that aside, and for a week or month "pretend" you have decided (either way) and see how it goes. Set a time/date for decision time, instead of worrying constantly. How does it feel then?
Overall, no matter what you do decide, good luck with it all!

NIGHT

Hey there,
starting out is all exciting, isn't it! I wish you the best of luck with your PhD.

In my first weeks I went to many "social" events and all kind of "induction" meetings. Many of my colleagues didn't. I know that opinions on this disagree, but I found that this helped me to settle into PhD life. In the first few weeks/months I just always already knew someone (because I had met them at a social event) or was explaining to my friends how things work (because I had heard about them at an induction meeting). This was right for me. Others say that these things are just a waste of time, which could be better used by pushing your PhD onward. And that those other students who went to those events will always tell you what you need to know, so, no point in going yourself. I suppose at the end of the day it depends how you like to work.
Trying to get into a student hall sounds like a good idea, I lived in one in my first year and liked it, too. I would take care to make sure it is a mostly postgrad hall though - there are some terrible stories about undergrad halls.

Overall, don't worry too much - everybody will be new, and nobody will be expecting you do know everything from day one!

SCAR

Hey, this new forum is looking good! What do you guys all think?

i've talked to two independent mortgage advisors. both of them tried to find a lender who would accept my studentship and both failed. this was just last month.

but the situation is complicated in that my funder is from abroad and my studentship is paid in a foreign currency. perhaps you could be luckier with a UK studentship.

as is, it looks like my partner is buying as a sole applicant. luckily he has a good job/income!

me, too, going to france for a week, soon! i am currently so gazonked that i keep slaving away but don't get any work done. i seriously need these holidays!

speaking about the biological clock ticking - just last week (it was featured on bbc health news) at a fertility conference in barcelona, a study was presented which gives strong evidence of age-related decline in fertility in men. no, there is no strict boundary such as menopause, and some men become fathers very late in life, but still, male fertility declines after the age of 40, i think.
an earlier sociological study i know of discussed that male fertility declines with age simply because older men tend to also have older wives/partners. so unless you count on that strange ability some men have, to get a much younger wife, your fertility fate is tied up with your partner's.
all this makes me think: why is it only ever women who hear said biological clock ticking?

joyce, i totally understand about feeling under pressure to perform in face of such a great supervisor! you want to impress them, make a good first and subsequent impressions, you want to get the most out of them, you want them to think you are good. you might be worried that they will discover you for a fraud.
my sup is famous and great, too. i found that the way i manage is that i simply stopped worrying about the impression i make on her - instead i always listen very carefully to what she says. there is so much to learn from her! so our meetings are less about arguing my point or such, but more about: i throw out an idea and then observe what she does with it. and learn from that. this works for me. maybe you could re-define the supervisory meetings in your head, from an occasion where you need to prove yourself, to an occasion where you have the opportunity to learn from these smart people?

consumerism! that's how i cure the blues. when broke, it's window shopping - lovely activity which doesn't involve any costs. having got into some money, it's real consumption: i bought a new bike. not just any, but a brand-new, good quality folding bike. this involves doing research (which bike exactly, what advantages and disadvantages do the different models have, where can i get it at the best price, browsing ebay, etc.), then the excitement of actually buying it (clicking "confirm order" online), then the excitement of it arriving (big package!), then learning all the specs and details of care and of the folding mechanism, then actually riding it! the joy! comparing it to everybody else's folding bikes en route... showing off in the train... all added benefits.

i know someone who moved from london to paris simply to save on the living costs during write-up. this person comes back to london about once per month to meet supervisors etc. by train it is only 2h15! and still much cheaper than living here.

this person never even told anyone that they have moved. would you feel it necessary to tell your supervisor that you are moving, if it were within the country? as long as you keep doing what you are supposed to be doing. looking out the window at french mountains could be distracting, or inspiring

i was 30 when i started the PhD. so a little younger than you. but all the same: whilst some people will say/have said on this forum: why don't you wait until you are finished with the PhD? - this is not necessarily an option for some of us. of course, it might work: finish your PhD at age 34, get a job immediately, sometime into that - perhaps at age 35 - get pregnant. however, what if it doesn't work immediately? fertility statistically drops by half for every year after the age of 35. so it might just not work out. so for those of us in this "critical" age span, it leaves three options: no kids& PhD; kids&no PhD; both at the same time. so, even knowing that it will be hard, i'd rather do both at the same time than risk not being able to have kids at all.

i'm at the end of my second year, and family planning is currently an important topic. i personally think that if i were going to get pregnant during the PhD, about now would be the best time. however, i'm still stuck in fieldwork, which involves meeting women who want to but can't get pregnant. i feel it would be insensitive to do this with a big belly sticking out. so the family bit just has to wait.

i think it wouldn't/won't be easy, but is totally doable. much depends on your financial situation and on your partner and relationship. many years ago i fell for my partner because he, without promting, came up with the topic of family and children, and said that ideally both partners would share the child-care and that he would really like to get a job that would enable this. hah! he pushed all the right buttons there

maybe they are just too busy themselves in the coming weeks and by extending your deadline, they are in effect just extending their own deadline for getting back to you with comments etc.?

way to go, jojo!
keep up the good work and attitude!

did you find the books you consulted useful, or did you just think your way through to the new question and framework?

have sent it right now. sorry for the delay, i was not online this weekend. hope it reaches you in time!

good luck!!!