You're definitely not screwed up, but I would be concerned that you've doubted the phd from day one. Having nerves at the start and feeling exhausted by the end are normal, but feeling depressed and demotivated right through is not good.

Is your topic genuinely uninteresting, or is it the phd process that you're struggling with?

I know that I applied for a wide range of studentships myself, and while I was interested in them all, nothing was a dead cert. That said, taking a year out to work before applying did give me a break from studying and a chance to build up some enthusiasm again.

If you really don't see a future in your field, haven't liked your project from day one, and don't feel like the phd means much to you, then I would consider quitting, because it's hard going even for those who love what they do. But just be sure that it's really the project that's at fault and not due to fixable issues such as peer support, supervisor relationships or project details.

Hmm, afraid that's a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question, wolfbane.
With a decent undergrad and a distinction in your MSc you've already gone a good way to proving your bright and competent. When applying for a specific studentship you'll need to have read up a little on the general field, the team your applying to, and have some specific ideas about why you're interested and how you'd approach the topic. But you won't be expected to have in depth knowledge because, after all, you undertake a phd in order to get that.

I need one too, anybody got a great big Timmy Mallet style thing they can lob at me?

Your not in the slightest bit evil algae! You're working your arse off and then listening to someone droning on while doing half the hours you are, who wouldn't be annoyed? She probably goes on about it all the more because she's aware of how much more you do (methinks the lady... and all that).

You'll be far better prepped to succeed in the big wide world than her and you enjoy what you do, so don't worry. If it's really irritating then why not tell her you're establishing a total ban on shop talk during social hours, that way you don't have to endure her faux fatigue ;-)

Wally this does not sound good, in fact, it sounds rather like me a few weeks ago. I know a phd is meant to be challenging, but I don't think we should just accept massive damage to our mental health as an innocuous "part of the process". I agree with the others, take some time away from the phd to reconnect with humanity and the positive things in your life. Far better to finish a couple of weeks later and still have your sanity.

For me, that mood stuff has levelled massively since seeking help and starting medication (this isn't for everyone I know, I have a history of this stuff so I knew it was needed), I've cut back, spent more time being social and while I'm not getting as much work done, life doesn't feel like a constant hell either. I hope that I can now get back into working well without damaging myself.

I know I've gained skills during this phd and had some wonderful opportunities, but I have to admit, the constant sense of inadequacy (often idiocy) has ground me down. My husband comments that I seem to have lost a great deal of confidence the past three years, and that I'm not as sparky as I used to be. I often feel that I don't have much to contrbute in a social setting, but I'm trying to work on that. The biggest difference is that at the start of this I couldn't comprehend people who quit 2.5, even 3 years into their studies, now I understand entirely.

Tony, I understand that you're frustrated, but being turned down for two phds doesn't mean you're being discriminated against! Unfortunately, it just means that they had someone better in mind. You sound very well qualified but competition is really tough these days, a lot of people out there have masters, 1sts, and work experience to boot. I applied for at least half a dozen phds and had only two offers, I'm white, female and British. If you want a studentship then rally yourself and keep applying, you'll get there in the end.

As for part-time, it has disadvantages but plenty of people do it, it's a good option if you want to keep working.

It's frustrating that they won't offer feedback, but it's quite possibly true that they had a number of good candidates and simply couldn't take them all. If you're worried at all, why not get your careers service (or a friendly academic from your current/last uni) to look over your cv and cover letter, see if they can offer any general advice?

Hmm, I'd be concerned actually. Are her diet and gym-fixations causing her to be unhappy, restricting her diet excessively or preventing her from socialising/working as she normally would? It worries me that she seems obsessed and is beating herself up over slip-ups - that's never a healthy approach. The fact that's she's just been through a traumatic experience suggests that she is using this as a coping mechanism. It's not unnatural, but it won't help her for two reasons; 1) it prevents her from dealing with the real issues, 2) it creates a further problem that then needs help.

Many people go through a phase such as this and then give up and move on, but equally, it can develop into an eating disorder and have very serious consequences. If you're close enough then I would talk to her about it. I don't mean attack her eating habits, but just ask if she's ok, say you're concerned that she's being very hard on herself and that you think she's beautiful as she is. If she doesn't want to discuss it then fair enough, but you can open the door and offer her support.

Aha, I'm a scorpio too 4Matt - does this mean we're both a bit evil?

I think it's all nonsense but it does amuse me :-)

Got 'em someone3 :-)

Just PM me and I'll send them over

Well done bobeep! That's wonderful news :-) I know you really went through the mill the last few weeks so hope you're now relaxing and enjoying your success!

I know what you mean Dr2be, I'd be a wreck without this place sometimes! Hope the last stretch goes ok for you.

Ahhh, "ring on it", tee hee!

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

Thanks Jun :-)

I had a few hideous days of side effects from the new drug but that seems to be settling down now. And I actually do use yoga, especially helps with the anxiety.

*goes off to do a rebalancing shoulder stand*

Sending you all kinds of positive thoughts and well wishes Chrisrolinski. Hang in there, you can do it :-)