======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2012 23:43:37 =======
Sorry - accidentally posted a reply!

======= Date Modified 10 Jan 2012 00:05:28 =======
======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2012 23:52:56 =======
======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2012 23:47:35 =======
======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2012 23:46:54 =======
======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2012 23:36:50 =======
I am at a crossroads of sorts:

• 6 years since I started my PhD in engineering/physical science at a top UK university
• I have lost significant time (at least a year) and also taken some time off (12 months) during the process due to anxiety and depression.
• Completed all experiments, although I still need to do some of the analysis.
• Presented my work at a handful of conferences but do not have any peer-reviewed journal articles.
• Drafted 3 of 5 thesis chapters (literature, methods, etc.)

Supervisor

My supervisor is superficially a nice guy, however we have never really connected at all. To make matters worse, as I was struggling he continued to be a passive cheer leader. He has always agreed with and supported anything I do with my research, regardless of the level of sophistication or polish. I know it may sound like I'm being too hard on myself, but a bit of constructive criticism would be great sometimes.

Program

As is typical of graduate study in the UK there was very little in the way of classes or formal departmental structures. As I reflect on it now, the program was just a very poor fit for me. Coming out of my bachelors degree I was excited to learn and do more in graduate school, but at the same time wasn't ready to narrow down completely in the way that is good/required in a PhD project. Having to jump right into a research group and PhD project really wasn't what I wanted, especially one with so little structure. Alas, I feel like I've missed out.

Quitting or Finishing

I came close to quitting a couple of years ago, right up to the point of having the 'I quit' conversation with my supervisor. HOWEVER - I was not ready to let go and was convinced to give it another try.

Currently I finally feel like I'm finally ready to let it all go. I know I'm not my PhD and that I will still exist on the other side of it all. I could quit and walk away and be ok, or I could grind out a few more months and finish.

However part of me wonders if the only way to ever exorcise the hurt is to try PhD studies again on my own terms, with a clear mind (plust I love teaching). I'm not sure this feeling will go away whether I quit, get the PhD, or an MSc in the case the examiners don't like it.

If anybody has some thoughts or similar experiences I'm all ears. I'm especially interested in the idea of doing doctoral studies again in the future, maybe 5-10 years from now. Would anybody in their right mind be interested in someone who struggled so mightily the first time out? Is this whole idea just ridiculous? Why would I even want to subject myself to more years of graduate school?