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is this a sign that I should not seek help?

M

Hello everyone,

at the risk of sounding overtly sensitive, I'd like to share the fact that I am rather upset about the fact that my current supervisor has changed her attitude and is being much less enthusiastic about me. She helped me so much for drafting my phd proposal because she believed I had a lot of potential. But now that it is all sorted out, she is becoming very distant towards me. The last time I contacted her was for some technical help (I wanted to apply a particular method, but did not manage to do it properly), she said she was busy and will get back to me. However, the last message she sent me was so unrelated to my query that I am trying to wonder if she does not want to help? Maybe she wants me to find out by myself? I know she knows how to do it as it is her specialty, but why would she not help?
After all the support, she is changing into one of those 'ghost' supervisors (never there for their students).
What can I do?

Should I interpret her changing behaviour as 'do not ask for help, get on with it by yourself'? Why though? She has been really helpful before. Maybe she has started to dislike me? Maybe I exasperate her? I have to reckon that I change my mind constantly and am never sure of myself. Maybe that is annoying her?

Urghhh, please help me understand this!!!!

H

Quote From majar:
Hello everyone,

at the risk of sounding overtly sensitive....

Should I interpret her changing behaviour as 'do not ask for help, get on with it by yourself'? Why though? She has been really helpful before. Maybe she has started to dislike me? Maybe I exasperate her? I have to reckon that I change my mind constantly and am never sure of myself. Maybe that is annoying her?

Urghhh, please help me understand this!!!!


I think perhaps you are reading too much into this. Supervisors are busy, they have lots of people asking them to do things, and some things just get accidentally forgotten sometimes. How long ago was it that you made your technical query? Have you considered following it up and asking if she's less busy now and can help you? Or asking her to recommend someone else within your research group who could support you with technical matters (sometimes postdocs can be more helpful with technical stuff, and supervisors are better for the bigger picture, but you should check what the norm is in your department).

While it's true that some supervisors do become ghost-like, I think perhaps you shouldn't worry too much about this one incident.

M

There should be proper documentation on all the meetings with your supervisor.
Most importantly, let your supervisor know that you have proper records (e.g. shared folder).

For example, date and time of meeting, outcomes of meeting, discussions through emails...

B

Majar - what hazyjane said is spot on. This is always a busy time of year for academics and this year is exponentially worse because of the pressure of the REF preparations. Have you tried looking for a training course you could go on or whether there are any online training resources in this technique? If your suspicion is correct (although I honestly suspect this is a case of overwork), that this is a hint to start being a bit more independent, then doing things like that would allow you to go back to her with an update on things you've tried.

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