Hello,
i've just finished writing my motivation/cover letter for a PhD position at a research institution in Irland, and i'd pretty much like an outside perspective to be more confident.
Any suggestions, comments, improvements, critiques, corrections (grammatical errors, or
any misplaced words like 'the' and 'your' here and there) are highly appreciated.
here's the letter :

I can't tell that much about your english (I'm not a native speaker), but I would definitely suggest you to remove the initial part, where you talk about your childhood. It sounds good to me, BUT everyone agrees it is something to avoid, like citations.

Again, IMHO there are too many commas in the wrong "position" and I would correct the minuscule "i" since it is a personal pronoun

thank you for your reply, i'll try to edit out the first part, & from what you said i take it the rest of it is good, it only needs little of bit of tuning, right?!

Well, kind of. There isn't a perfect way to write a personal statement tho!

I would try to use shorter periods (again you use too many commas) and try to divide it into paragraphs (not many, just 3 of 4): your experience, why you are applying and so on.
Your letter is already divided into those "topics", you just need to divide them, so it will look more organized and easier to read, but that's my opinion! :)

oh and try to stay in 2 pages

Agree with the above comments! :)

thanks again i really appreciate your answers

i'll go through it one more time and get back to you with hopefully a better version.

here's my revised version, i did some changes according to your answer.

Now, it looks professional.

My english is far from perfection, but:
- I don't like "after having gone through your website", maybe "I visited your website and I am very....";

-"institution provides both the opportunities for research as well as the implementation of that research" -> maybe "as well as their implementation"?;

- "Today,having completed my Bachelors in Medical" : don't like having completed...

- "I aspire to get into the photonics field. Within this field, my interest lies primarily in the areas of photonic": too many "field" and "photonics". I'd rather say "into the field of photonics. In particular, my interest ...." or something like that;

- "physics and chemistry, was diversified into different fields, from electronics and the physics of semi-conductors components and
biomaterials, to optical fibers in biomedical imaging, laser technology and its applications in biomedicine, as well as simulation and modeling techniques of biomedical systems." :

different fields: .....
or "different fields, such as , , and . "

- "Added to this, I did an undergraduate project entitled Study of Fresenius Vial’s Double" : in addition... sounds better

- "As indicated earlier, my interest lies in the areas of photonic circuits and devices. I find this PhD position an..." : no need to repeat your interests. It's a new paragraph, so you can just say "I find ...." .


This is what I would suggest you to change, keep in mind I'm not a native speaker, so....

thank you very much for precise observations!