Hi wsspzwps,

Firstly congratulations on getting your PhD place! I wouldn't worry about being kicked out of the university, you're only a month in and there is plenty of time to make up for the last month of little progress, these things happen. My advice would be to get started with the literature review and case studies that your supervisor asked for and if you have regular meetings maybe give him updates on how it's going. That way he'll see that you're serious about working and it will show that you don't want to let him down.

I do think it was unfair of him to say he regrets taking you on as a student though. Did he actually say that in those words or did he imply it? My supervisor has been known to make weird and sarcastic remarks when I've had periods of little progress, but then when things turn around he's a bit more complimentary. Hopefully this is just his way of giving you a kick up the bum (at least I hope that's why my supervisor makes his strange comments!) and hopefully when you're back on track with the literature review his attitude will improve.

Hope you feel a bit more reassured! And hopefully things will get better with your supervisor! :)

Hi,

Just putting this out there for a bit of advice - I'm hoping to emigrate after I finish my PhD, hopefully to Australia (although I realise academics aren't on the list of wanted occupations but that's another story!) and am planning a holiday out there in a few months to look around and maybe try and contact a few labs out there etc. My funding runs out in just over a year so I'm thinking about what my plans would be for when I finish.

So here's the thing... I'm really nervous about asking my supervisor for time off for this. We had a frank discussion recently where he said I'll be in the lab right up until my funding ends because I'm a bit behind with data collection because of lots of technical problems. So I feel like asking for 2 weeks off might be a bad idea. However, I would like to ask for his advice because I'd like to try to contact a couple of labs to see if it's possible to speak to anyone about what it's like to work in my field out in Australia. Maybe I would be better off explaining about my hopes of emigrating and emphasise that this is the reason for the holiday as opposed to just taking time off to enjoy the sun!

Sorry this has been a long and waffly post, I'm a bit stressed out by my partner and family going on and on about the holiday and wanting me to ask for the time off ASAP - basically I'm wondering is asking for a holiday for this reason a terrible idea, and is it very naive of me to think that contacting labs would be a good idea? I'm due to finish in about a year to 18months, so to me it makes sense to start planning for after the PhD.

Any thoughts would be very welcome :) Thanks!

Hi Natassia,

Thanks for your reply. I'm doing a science PhD so the project was designed and organised by my supervisor, and I'm fully funded by a grant that he got for the project before I started (I was essentially 'recruited' to take on the project because I had relevant experience). I am behind schedule due to a combination of experiments not working and poor health, and although I've done my best to keep on track I think he's now concerned about my progress.

In the past I've always asked for time off in advance if I wanted it, and I've kept him informed when I've needed to take a morning here or there for medical appointments, and always made up the time by working into the evening or at weekends. The time I'd like off isn't a leave of absence or anything long term, it's just a week that I'd happily take as part of my holiday allowance (we're told we're entitled to 6 weeks off each year, but in all honesty I've never taken more than 3 weeks off for fear of falling behind). The reason I'm stressing though is because recently his attitude has changed - at first he was sympathetic that I was doing my best despite feeling unwell, and now he's piling on the pressure and seems to get irritated when I talk to him about my work. He doesn't fully understand the time scales of my experiments and I think he's starting to think I'm fobbing him off when I say it'll take a couple of weeks to get results, etc.

I know my supervisor will be annoyed that I want this time off, but in all honesty it's been an incredibly stressful few months (to the point where I well up whenever anyone asks how I am etc) and I really feel that a break is needed. Any advice on how to approach him about this?

Hi,

I know it might sound like a silly question, but I'm really stressed out about this at the minute. I've been ill on and off all through my PhD so far, and now I'm in second year and finally starting to feel a bit better, but I feel like I really need a break after the stress of everything, even just a week or so to recharge my batteries.

My partner is pressuring me about a holiday we're supposed to go on in a couple of months so we can book flights, but because I've had the odd day off here and there due to illness and my supervisor was getting more and more irritated, there was never a good time to ask for time off. Now I'm thinking if I ask for a week off in a few weeks' time (and explain that this gives me time to get some more data, get back into the swing of experiments etc.), what if my supervisor just says he's had enough?

I'm really panicking, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this for the last few days at all. I could really do with a break after everythng, and my health should be more important, but my supervisor's been so funny with me lately and has made so many snide remarks about my health that I just feel like he'll say this is the final straw if I ask for time off!

Any advice/kind words would be really helpful right now! Sorry for such a negative post, I've nowhere else to turn right now.

Thanks! Xx

Hi anon007,

Thank you for taking the time to post, it's really nice to hear from other people with good advice. Since you were so nice, I'll be cheeky and elaborate... :) I suffer from a chronic physical illness which can also lead to bouts of feeling down (I guess depression but I've never been diagnosed). My supervisor is aware of the physical problems, which have slowed my work down and has a big impact on how well I can concentrate etc, but in recent weeks his sympathy seems to have disappeared. I guess this is due to lack of results on my part, but I've done my best to try to keep on track.

I really feel like I need a break, even just a week off, but instead he is now piling on the pressure to get results as soon as possible, so I don't feel like asking for time off is a possibility. On the other hand I don't want to burn myself out and I feel really stressed by this pressure at a time where I should be focussing on my health. Do you think that perhaps explaining this in an email and asking for a week or two off (which has been recommended by my doctor as well) that way would be a good move? I feel like a coward not explaining in person, but my last few conversations with him ended with him telling me to get a move on, etc. and it didn't seem like a good time to explain.

Thank you for the link you posted too. I've had a read and it looks really useful. I've tried counselling at the university in the past so I'll give them and the student's union a try for more advice. Apologies if this sounds very 'woe is me' - I really don't mean to, I just feel a bit stuck at the moment!

Thanks again for your help! Xx

Hi,

I posted recently about feeling let down by my supervisor etc. for a number of reasons. I had a meeting recently with him where he expressed concern about my progress (lack of data), which is largely due to health problems that I've had since the beginning of my PhD. I'm due to change medication soon but am concerned that if it takes a while to adjust and to start to feel better again, I might be in serious danger of failing. I'll be going into my final year of funding in about 5months' time, and was wondering whether changing to part time would be a big problem or not? I'm funded by a charity so would need to find out how my funding would be affected, but I didn't want to express this concern with my supervisor until I knew all the details etc. I'm not even sure if going part time would be an option for the project as it's lab based and the department probably wouldn't be very happy about the research taking longer to do.

I don't really want the PhD to be dragged out in this way, but I'm really worried about failing and it all being a waste of time. In addition, worrying and stress tends to exacerbate my health problem, so all of this is really getting me down at the moment. If anyone has any words of wisdom I'd really appreciate it!

Thanks! Xx

Hi, thanks for your comments guys!

Pjlu - I'm definitely with you in thinking that to complain would be a bad idea so I'm just hoping to get on with the PhD and get finished as soon as I can. I'm not planning to act unprofessionally, I still treat my supervisor and colleagues with respect but I certainly am not happy with the situation. I'm thinking that the project probably won't pigeon hole me so as you said I could always try to explore my original interests later, although if I'm honest I'm now looking at career options outside of academia for after the PhD, as I'm getting really fed up of it now.

Bewildered - thanks for your message. My supervisor thinks I will get a PhD out of the data I'm getting, even though it's pretty much all negative data at this point. I have really considered walking away to be honest, but I think I'd feel like I'd let myself down if I did. I'm trying to change my feelings towards everything so I guess I'll see how things go over the next few weeks.

Thanks again for your messages, much appreciated, it's good to get an outside perspective at times!

Hi Boo,

I'm also around the 18 month mark, although I'm in a different field as my project is lab based so I don't have to interview participants or transcribe interviews. I do however have a hell of a lot of lab work still to do, and haven't had great progress so far with loads of experiments failing etc. However, although my knowledge of participant-based PhDs is limited, it sounds to me like you've got a lot done already and like you have a good plan set out for the rest of the time you have left. The fact that you have 10,000 words already plus publications etc. is a great starting point for writing up too! (I'm wishing I'd done more writing up until now, and hope to start drafting some chapters if I can ever find some spare time). I'm sorry to say I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, but you are definitely not alone in that panicky feeling. However, I think you should try to have more faith in yourself - it sounds like you're doing so much better than you think you are! You'll probably find that once you get back into the swing of things, it will all fall into place and by the time you move home for 3rd year you'll have everything you need done :)

Best of luck with it all! X

PS that post should say 'I'm well *aware*...' - brain has decided to stop working as it's Friday!

Sorry, hit word limit...

The only people to complain to are other academics, and I'm well aware of the tendency of universities to close ranks. As it is I don't feel like he took me very seriously when I did complain about the situation, so my gut feeling is that there's not much point trying again. Maybe I should just put my head down, work hard for a year and a half and get the hell out of the department.

Apologies for this massive rant - if anyone has any suggestions on whether I should speak up or just get on with it, I'd be really grateful! Feeling a bit lost at the minute...

Thanks!

Hi All,

Just wanted to vent quickly to figure out what (if anything!) I'm going to do... Apologies for ranting!

I'm feeling very disappointed and let down by my supervisor - I realise there are worse supervisors around but here's what's going on. I started a life sciences PhD a year and a half ago and applied for a specific project using techniques I'd never used before in an area I was very interested in. At the beginning I was told by my supervisor that my samples weren't ready to get started on and given another side project to work on that would take 'a few months at most'. It's now been 18 months and I'm still working on this useless side project that is yielding no results, meanwhile I found out recently that my project was handed to another student a few months ago, and this student is already getting data and is preparing to write a paper for publication. I should point out at this point that this side project I'm working on uses techniques I had experience of previously, but that I have no interest in and wanted to veer away from during my PhD, in the hope of getting a research job in this other field after my PhD. As a result I feel like I've learned nothing new since I started and I know that I won't be prepared for a job in the field I want with the experience I'm getting.

I've tried talking to my supervisor informally about this, basically saying I'm disappointed with the way my project was taken off me. His response was pretty much suck it up and get on with it. I'm also not very happy with him in general because of other things that have happened, e.g. him blurting out a personal problem of mine that I told him in confidence to another student! My partner has suggested complaining formally but the only people to complain to are other academics.....

Hi traveller,

Sorry to hear you're struggling with confidence issues at the moment. I too have found that since starting my PhD about a year and a half ago I've found it increasingly difficult to meet people and socialise, and when I am in social situations (or even just having chit chat in the office at work) I find it hard to get involved and be chatty with other people, and yet my close friends and boyfriend all say that I never shut up around them. I also blush a lot around new people, so I understand how embarrassing it can be.

I don't have a lot of advice unfortunately, apart from that it does get better with time. For me, my lack of confidence in my work and my project had a big impact on my confidence around other people, and I have found that as time went on and I became more confident in my abilities in the PhD, that I've managed to worry or care less about what other people think of me. I still struggle and have low periods where I feel isolated (for example I don't really 'click' with people in my department) but I have found a few friends outside of my department to meet with for coffee, drinks, etc from time to time.

You're doing the right thing in joining clubs/societies to meet people, and the only thing I would suggest for the blushing is to try to remember that most people there will be nervous about meeting new people as well. And if you meet people that you don't click with straight away, don't worry too much because you will eventually find like-minded people that you like spending time with. Things will settle down with time. If you want to talk more feel free to PM me. Best of luck!

Thanks zipidee :) I've never heard of meetup.com but I'll definitely give it a try - it would be nice to meet people outside of a uni/PhD environment for a bit of perspective! And I will keep remembering what you said about this being finite. My boyfriend keeps telling me the same thing and I think remembering this will be a massive help! I'm feeling better already just from having so many nice comments on here and from taking the weekend off to relax. Hopefully things will now continue to look up...

Thanks again for all the advice, it's really boosted my spirits! :) xx

Hi wowzers, thanks for your post. I think I'll take your advice and go see my GP or a counsellor at uni, I'm starting to think maybe I have some symptoms of anxiety rather than depression (I now feel silly about my username! I didn't feel this bad when I signed up to the forum lol). However, I worry about the stigma attached to this. I don't mean that to sound like I think there is shame in having a problem with depression/anxiety because I really don't. There's a lot of depression in my family and I think if anything I was hoping I would never have a problem like this because up until now I'd never struggled with anything like that.

Regarding an entended holiday or suspension of study, I don't think this is really an option at the moment because I'm trying to get data for a paper with a looming deadline. As it is I feel like my supervisor and department think I'm rubbish because all of my data has been negative so far and I've had problems with my assays. I'd give anything for a break though, so once this deadline is over with I'll definitely take a week or so off to rest. I think you're right about a change not necessarily being a good idea, I think wherever I go now I'll feel like this until it gets sorted (I was probably kidding myself a bit before now).

Thanks again for reading and taking the time to post. This is a really great forum for advice, and I really appreciate it because there's very few people I could actually speak to in person about all of this! Xx

Hi,

Thank you so much for the very kind replies - it's a real comfort to know that other people understand and have had these kinds of feelings before (although I wouldn't wish them on anyone!). Things got a little worse since I posted this thread and I have been genuinely considering leaving my PhD, although this feeling seems to change by the hour! A big part of me feels like I could get a job and make friends at work in a (hopefully) nicer environment than the one I'm working in at the moment, and just feel happier that way in general.

I do really appreciate the advice given here though, and I will definitely follow your advice Hazyjane regarding classes and activities. I've found a few I haven't tried yet so will give those a shot over the next couple of weeks. I also agree that maybe changing my mindset would help although it can be hard. I've always enjoyed my own company and never felt I need to rely on other people to be happy, but this whole process seems to have knocked my confidence a little and I find that being alone seems to upset me whereas before the PhD I would have enjoyed the time to myself. I think I need to remember that this isn't forever, and if I grit my teeth and stick at the PhD it will only be a means to an end. I just can't help but feel like I'm wasting my twenties when I should be enjoying life and instead I'm struggling through a project in a city where I have hardly anyone. Anyway, apologies for sounding sorry for myself! I just needed to get this written down somewhere.

Thanks again for reading and posting, it's much appreciated! x