So if that title isn't emo enough, here it goes. My advisor is one of the best writers in the field. He cannot seem to teach writing to me though. I have issues when it comes to writing. I am an engineer who does things with computers others in my field dream about. I have always struggled with writing. It is actually gotten to the point where I hate it and I don't mean like I hate my friend for doing something stupid, I mean I hate it like I have a visceral reaction to even thinking about getting started.

I have a writing disorder. It is impossible to explain but I actually do have a problem. I have tried almost everything to work around it and I get the same response: "I sort of understand where you are coming from but you are not being clear." It isn't clear enough, it isn't good enough, and I don't know how to make it better. I have read 100+ articles, 5 or 6 books, use Dragon, try to mimic styles and explanations but none of it really works. I have 95% of all of my models done with fantastic results. I don't know what to do and I can tell my advisor is starting to get frustrated since he does put in time and effort but whatever he is doing isn't working. I can't afford the thousands of dollars for a writing coach and I have a really bad feeling that my writing isn't horrible but it is never good enough. That is, it will be okay for my committee but not my advisor.

What do I do? I am so close to finishing that I can't stop but my first paper took 2 years, the second took 6 months and is still isn't very good. I am now on my third.

Thanks.