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My PhD destroyed my life

Im so sorry. I feel like it’s ruining my life too. I’ve been on my PhD for 7 years now. No papers, only one and not as first author. The first 3.5 years were a disaster. I hated my project and didn’t get any of it, except a figure in the above mentioned paper. Then two years later my mom died. We were really close, everything to me. I came back to the US (I’m an international student), and the year after that was completely lost, I don’t even remember what I did in that year in regards to work. I got a divorce, and I tried killing myself but it obviously didn’t work. I took a 6-months leave of absence and came back with a new project I actually enjoy, I was excited. But next year is the last year I have to defend and I got nothing. It has been 3.5 since I started this new project and nothing… I feel like such a failure. I KNOW that I am and my PI constantly reminds me that I have no data and that I’m not doing great. I can’t complain about him, he’s a great person, just not a great advisor. I’m so far away from back home and I miss my family so much and I feel so lonely here. I can’t drop out - if I do I gotta pay 4 years of scholarship back (I had a scholarship from my country’s government). I thought I was doing better but I honestly think about how miserable my life is and how much easier it would be to end it all everyday. The only reason I haven’t done anything is because it would hurt my family so deeply. But besides that… I feel like I’m a fart in the wind. I can’t do the only thing I thought I knew how to do, which is research. I wish I could just drop out and get a normal job, but I can’t. And how shitty it would be dropping out after 7 years with nothing in my CV anyways. I don’t even think I’ll be able to defend… anyways. I relate to you a lot. I’m too old now to have kids (I’m almost 40), so chances I ever will are minimum. I hope you’re doing better.