Competitive 'friends'


This is a bit of a rant more than anything... anyone else having trouble connecting to other postgrad students due to their inherently competitive nature?
I chose to enter my program because I genuinely love the subject. Most of the people I'm socializing with though (and we know how hard it is to befriend/socialize with people in school as it is) can't seem to get beyond this know-it-all veneer. They're not competing with me academically- our work is all pretty separate still- but there seems to be a constant one-upmanship in their general conversation (talking about the cool jobs they've had, the stuff they've done, research, etc).
I'm not feeling threatened because I'm very content in my personal life, I worry about finding a good job after graduation of course, but I don't feel the same need to self-promote and I'm feeling alienated from these hyper-competitive, driven people (I know, I know, this is the nature of a lot of grad students).
So... maybe this is a pointless thread... but anyone else having this problem?


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Oh I know exactly how that feels dont be worried about it. The thing is those people are usually the ones who feel underconfident because they have to feel the need to constantly overpublicise and self validate. Personally its something I cant be bothered with so I choose not to socialise with many of my peers. Check out my thread for a similar rant !! lol


======= Date Modified 30 Nov 2008 21:28:46 =======
I found this in my first degree and even more during my masters. It's one thing to talk about achievements, but it's often the way they say it which comes across as pompous. And they'll bring it up when it's relevant to the conversation. Actually one person who I thought was a friend but radically changed after she did a studentship (how sad is that? I did one too and I didn't become a complete snob) reminded me of Andy Pipkins because she always replied with "yeah I know" after every little thing I said. Look at it this way...when things don't go well for these people, the comedown is much worse for them, because they have no self-esteem to fall back on. :-)


During my master studies I had a flatmate who turned everything (and I mean everything) into a competition. She was angry when my exams were better than hers (we did different subjects with different profs), she had a look on my working schedule and tried to work more than me, when I did sport she did more sport and so on. I am not kidding, I know how weird it sounds. I was angry but there came I point when I could only laugh: I found out that she tries to get up earlier in the morning than I did. When she heard my alarm, she came into the kitchen few minutes later where I was with my coffee. I asked if she slept well and she said she was awake for a long time working in bed. Well, from the hall I could see that there was no light in her room.
I liked her a lot, she was a funny character but this drove me nuts because I am not competitive. So I know what you mean, this just puts you into competition, if you boycott you are the weak one.
This seems to be a type of character, they push themselves and are probably afraid of feeling like they are not good enough.


Quote From verypoor:

======= Date Modified 30 Nov 2008 21:28:46 =======
reminded me of Andy Pipkins because she always replied with "yeah I know" after every little thing I said.

lol that just made me spit out my coffee.


I know what you are talking about, too. And when I was reading Neena's post I thought I was reading mine. The only difference was that my flatmate was on the same course as me and that I was being attacked on a personal level, too, because I had a boyfriend (what a bad and unethical thing!!!!). The funniest was that one day she came into the kitchen and said that my boyfriend's presence was insulting HER, because I was never studying and I was passing my modules!!! I was just ignoring her and laughing! That's the best you can do.