BUSTED! Please help (for my friend)


======= Date Modified 01 25 2010 14:25:49 =======
Guys, Can i ask your advice for my friend? She has a huge (innocent) crush on a very close friend of hers. It will never happen and she has never made a move. She doesn't wait around for him (sees other guys) and has never told him because it's not reciprocated. Anyway, to her absolute horror, she's just found out that his best friends (and him) all know it. It's obviously not really a problem, or he wouldn't see her so often, but now she's thinking about things retrospectively, she's very embarrassed about how much contact she initiates with him, and is mortified by fact that they all realise her crush.

Given that she doesn't want him to know EVER, what's the best way for her to make them change their minds, (or will they ever):

a. ignore it, go on as usual, and try to contact him less
b. raise the issue lightheartedly, tell them it's not true and laugh it off
c. Raise the issue seriously, and tell them it's not true
d. tell him privately that she's embarrassed they all think that, it's inaccurate, and she's going to not hang out with him so much because she doesn't want people thinking this.



Personally I'd just ignore it, if she says anything it will make it even more certain! The lady doth protest too much.....

Avatar for sneaks

I'd say your "friend" should point out what her ideal guy is and that she *hates* people that have all the attributes of this bloke. E.g. "urgh, I HATE men with xxx colour eyes"


Pretty bad situation because of his friends. If it was just him you could pass it off as delusional, but since his friends know she can't brush it off. It's always so obvious looking from the outside when it comes to stuff like this. So, either come out and tell all or just ignore it. Anything in the middle will make it worse I think.


Hmm,i am wondering why she contacted him that much when she never quite wanted to pursue it?And when you say contact him a lot - I mean, in what way? if they work together and the contact is through that I doubt it could be potentially embarrassing. If not? I agree with Killhatron below - these things are very obvious...

Avatar for Eska

There's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone, surely he and his mates will think your firend has good taste? I'd just carry on as normal, and if anyone asks just be honest about it, why not? It's a natural thing, and your friend will probably go off him anyhow - at which point he will probably pursue her! Such is life...

How do you know there's no chance?


Yes, agreeing with Eska - why not? And what's wrong if he knows? In high school things were different, but we are mature adults, and I don't find myself liking a whole lot of people really, so if I do, really (really) like someone, they must have tons of good in them in the first place. Non reciprocation/reciprocation is another question, but I pride my taste deffo! and nothing to hide IMO.


Options b, c and d aren't honest representations of 'her' feelings. That leaves option a. Simples. (By the way, I was in a similar situation...and we've just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary).


I don't get it. Why aren't they together? Why will it never happen - he clearly enjoys her attention (because if he didn't, surely he'd have found a way to distance himself by now)? :-x


Quote From ubu:

I don't get it. Why aren't they together? Why will it never happen - he clearly enjoys her attention (because if he didn't, surely he'd have found a way to distance himself by now)? :-x

Agree too. Why is he not distancing himself in some sort of way? I mean, either he has something to gain directly - like work stuff, or he is not ready to admit to himself that he actually likes her, or whatever. I mean, why can it 'never' happen?

Of course if she wishes to disatance herself for it causes her some kind of pain/embarrassment, then she could/should


I think if she makes an issue of it and tells them that it's not true, there's a chance of him being (illogically) offended. Blokes are funny.
Go with a. He hasn't made a big deal out of it and nothing has changed as a result of him knowing how she feels (and he will have that element of doubt, since she hasn't said it to him herself). Absolute worst case is they drift apart. Best case is it's got him thinking about her in a different light.