Lost

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How are you guys? I think I feel a little bit lost and alone and tired.I am so close to the end but however, it feels like it will never end. I don't know why things just not getting alright. I have problems in every single step. There is not even one easy step existing.

Avatar for aysegul

:(

T

Hey Aysegul, sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Did something trigger it? Just sending over a bit of encouragement your way.
Tudor

E

My PhD has felt a bit like this, as though nothing is ever straightforward and everything that could go wrong does go wrong. Some of it is my negative thinking habits and depressed mood though... I guess a PhD is not supposed to be easy...

Maybe check out the final year support thread at the top? It can be a struggle for lots of people.

Avatar for aysegul

Thank you <3. I need to hear these, I don't feel alone then. I know it is not supposed to be easy, and there is even no trigger all these feelings. But I am just feeling exhausted.

T

Hope you manage to get some rest over there!

P

Quote From aysegul:
How are you guys? I think I feel a little bit lost and alone and tired.I am so close to the end but however, it feels like it will never end. I don't know why things just not getting alright. I have problems in every single step. There is not even one easy step existing.


Pretty much sounds like the experience of every PhD student I have ever met, including my own.
Everyday brings a list of things to do and in most occasions there isn't a single simple thing on the list. Some examples:

1) Quickly print a page. Printer out of paper. Replace paper easily enough. Press print. It's also out of toner. Organise toner. Colleagues emptied both and simply could not be arsed fixing it themselves. Don't even get me started on staplers without staples. Takes an hour to get supervisor in to authorise the purchase. Computer people out to lunch. Come back an hour later. Toner replaced. Excellent! But students are on campus so internet is a bit dodgy. Printer not contactable. At this point I am blowing steam out of my ears.

2) Send in timesheet to get paid for tutorials. Easy enough but Finance department have removed the common sheet we used to fill in and replaced it with a month specific sheet for some reason. They emailed me it ages ago and I deleted it. Now I have to trawl my trash folder but I can't find it. Emailed my colleagues and finally get a copy of it but the form requires things called Business codes, department codes, job IDs, course IDs and I don't know what they are. Three trips made to department office to find these numbers from the secretary. She doesn't have them. No idea who does have them. Three hours later I finally get them from someone prepared to admit they know them. Go to submit form and they ask for my employee number. Finance won't gve me it without proof of my ID which I don't have on me that day. The employee number is on a payslip from a year ago and I don't have it with me. Have to do it the following day now.

You have to laugh at this stuff or you will cry.

This PhD is the single hardest thing I have ever undertaken in my life and that is coming from someone who has brought three children up to adulthood. Nobody but nobody gives a shit whether you make it and your family and friends have no idea what you are going through. You are on your own. On the positive side, I remember that only a handful of people get PhDs in the first place so obtaining one automatically puts you in an elite class academically. You've made it to the top academic education rung our society has to offer. I reckon that in the UK we only graduate about 1000 PhD students per year. The workplace contains people between the ages of around 25 and 65 which means there is 40 years of people with PhDs out there in the UK workplace or about 40,000 people who have achieved the same academic qualification out of a current UK workforce of about 30 million people. Remembering that helps me sleep at night :-D

Avatar for aysegul

Well, pm133 and all of you <3, I couldnt stop my tears when I read that. Exactly... sometimes I laugh at all but sometimes it cant be possible. we are on our own and noone cares yes. but on the other hand I see we have each other. Thank you it makes me relieved to hear from you. I came to end, writing my thesis and waiting for lab results I hope it will be over soon.

T

Quote From pm133:
I reckon that in the UK we only graduate about 1000 PhD students per year.


I reckon it's more like 15-20k but I get your point.

P

Quote From TreeofLife:
Quote From pm133:
I reckon that in the UK we only graduate about 1000 PhD students per year.


I reckon it's more like 15-20k but I get your point.

Is it really as much as that? I genuinely had no idea.

P

Quote From aysegul:
Well, pm133 and all of you <3, I couldnt stop my tears when I read that. Exactly... sometimes I laugh at all but sometimes it cant be possible. we are on our own and noone cares yes. but on the other hand I see we have each other. Thank you it makes me relieved to hear from you. I came to end, writing my thesis and waiting for lab results I hope it will be over soon.


You are welcome. It should be possible to laugh at most of it eventually. Might take a while though. Todays troubles are tomorrows source of humour. I stopped worrying about people not caring about my troubles when I realised I wasnt particularly interested in theirs either. That seemed fair to me. I was having a low point last week and my two daughters asked if they could each have a bound copy of my thesis with gold lettering on the spine. They wanted to use it as a family heirloom to hand onto their own children. They are 15 and 19 years old. I wont lie. I had to leave the room or I would have dissolved into a soggy mess right in front of them.

Avatar for aysegul

Quote From pm133:
Quote From aysegul:
Well, pm133 and all of you <3, I couldnt stop my tears when I read that. Exactly... sometimes I laugh at all but sometimes it cant be possible. we are on our own and noone cares yes. but on the other hand I see we have each other. Thank you it makes me relieved to hear from you. I came to end, writing my thesis and waiting for lab results I hope it will be over soon.


You are welcome. It should be possible to laugh at most of it eventually. Might take a while though. Todays troubles are tomorrows source of humour. I stopped worrying about people not caring about my troubles when I realised I wasnt particularly interested in theirs either. That seemed fair to me. I was having a low point last week and my two daughters asked if they could each have a bound copy of my thesis with gold lettering on the spine. They wanted to use it as a family heirloom to hand onto their own children. They are 15 and 19 years old. I wont lie. I had to leave the room or I would have dissolved into a soggy mess right in front of them.


That is amazing. You are really lucky to have them and it is obvious they are lucky too. I care people's troubles probably that is the reason I expect them at least to seem interested. But you are right we all have our own troubles... I will make a baby than 😊😊. everyday I try to make a good start, today I will try more... Thank you

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