nighmare to complete with this in the air!


Like everyone else, Chrisrolinski, I'm very sad to hear that this has happened. I remember you saying that you had an inkling that this might happen. I know what you must be going through (and all the things you'll be thinking about) and it's very difficult to concentrate and focus on work. I hope that this doesn't come across wrong, but you have less than two weeks to get your thesis in, so be strong and just get it done and dusted - even if you can't just block what has happened out of your mind. I wish I had something wiser to say. Take care :-)


Thanks . Not much to say really. I need to get it done. Feel very insecure. I'll get over it. Just unbelievably sad.


Oh, poor Chris!! Am very sorry to hear that, and am also sending big virtual hugs. Keep going, get this horror over and done with, get it out of the way. Can you take a holiday at all? Maybe plan some nice things to do with friends once your done. Life needs to be more than academia!


Thanks. No chance of a real holiday sadly, too poor for that. But when I have handed in, I will make sure it catch up with friends. My viva is going to take place the opposite side of the country. I will stay with both my parents (no sympathy from them) but I have a few friends there that I can catch up with. I had planned to get the train back after the viva straight away to see the ex and imagined the happy phonecall. Not going to happen now. Sorry to be morose. I think will be the last post I make about all this. :(

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Keep going Chrisolinski, we are all behind you now! Looking forward to seeing your name on the hall of fame thread.


Hey! So sorry to hear about all this, you must be a very strong person to just keep going like you are, and everyone here wishes you all the luck in the world with your thesis and everything else in your life. Keep going, we're all behind you, and we're here whenever you need to vent/de-stress! Big hugs, KB


Hey Chris, I know you said you had made your last post about all this, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this has happened, especially at such a delicate time for you. I didn't see the original post so only seeing it now, but try to stay positive for the next few days at least, you WILL finish and you WILL do well, and after, when you have had time to regroup and decide what you want to do and where you want to go from here. Every single person in this forum is behind you Chrisrolinski, and we are all sending good vibes! It's a really crappy time fo this, and a really crappy thing that your ex couldn't wait until you've finished, seems to say at lot more about him that it does about how you are, so don't feel so negative about yourself. It's time to try and be pragmatic about things, and keep on keeping on, and when you have time to deal with it, once you've handed in, then you can.
I honestly wish you all the luck in the world, I'll give you all my good luck for the next while too, and if you feel like a random chat just PM away. And of course, copious amounts and tea and chocolate in the meantime, whatever it takes!


Chris, I've just come back on here, this is a horrible thing to have happened whenever it happens, but one thing you do need to do is not bottle it up, you need to let your emotions out, so I suggest you get some old plates or something and throw them at the wall, or the floor or any surface available, you will feel better, rage against something, anything preferably inanimate as it can't tell tales - pets and people tend to get alarmed - and release some of that tension. You owe it to yourself to get through this after all the work you have put into it, once it is over and handed in you can deal with the other stuff, one step at a time. sending hugs  and best wishes x


Thank you both for your posts. I feel better today than I have since it happened, though still a bit scattered. But enough to start concentrating properly on the thesis.


I think I am pretty close to a mental breakdown, I have so much to do in 8 days (and not even 8 full days, more like 6 full, because I must work for money too), and I spend most of the time sat in either tears or numb. I just can't believe someone would choose to do this so close to me finishing.

Since this has happened, the exes housemate and an acquaintance (we are all at the same institution) have revealed how absolutely manic and unpredictable his behaviour has been for weeks. The last year of my relationship has been like witnessing the descent of a man into complete mental illness. I am so sad and worried for him - but also in so much pain over all this. I just want this all over. To finish my thesis and to just run away. But there is no running away. I am trapped in this city until Spring for work. I was so happy to be finishing soon, and imagined a happy time with me having a PhD, a pt lecturing job, and a happy boyfriend who had finally chosen to leave his PhD (he hasn't and won't even though he loathes it). Instead all this has happened and I have an ex who is very unwell and I myself feel pretty much broken. It is my birthday in 2 weeks. Needless to say it might as well just not be happening.

What a mess, I am going to get this thesis whatever it takes. Sorry for the pityfest. I just have to get it out.


Hang in there Chris. Just take the next few days, and try not to worry about what you've lost relationship-wise until then. Focus on getting the thesis out of the way.

I was wondering if you should ask for an extension in the circumstances, but you may prefer to try to get this finished ASAP. But not at the sake of your own welfare.

Good luck.


Chris is there any chance you can take those few days you have to work off just to get finished?  It seems like your ex has just cracked under the pressure of watching you finish your PhD while he can't finish or leave his. Perhaps in the future, after you have submitted and things have a chance to calm down, you might be able to discuss things with him and you might be able to get back on track?  Surely after so many years, including being long distance for a while he might be willing to talk about things then, when the situation has settled down. For now, you have to try to not think about it, impossible I know. 
I'm terrible at focusing on work when I have personal issues going on, I went to the uni counsellor about it and she gave me some visualisation techniques that might help you though. She said to imagine everything I have to do as if it was all in separate little windows like on a computer screen.  Like for example, if I have a row with my boyf and I have to finish a chapter, I imagine 2 windows, one with my boyfs face, one with my chapter. Then, you know how when you're in the cinema and things are so much more engaging on the big screen compared to a little TV screen?  Well, the same thing applies here. She told me to imagine the window with my boyf, imagine it losing colour and turning black and white and getting smaller and smaller.  Then just like on a computer you say to yourself, ok I'm not going to think about that until later, when I get this other thing done, and you minimise it. So it's still there, just has become insignificant and you can concentrate on it later. 
I think trying to put things out of your mind only makes for more trouble down the line so i like the idea that it's still there, but I've put it in its place and am deciding that yes I will deal with it, and think about stuff, just later when I have time. It does take a bit of practice and some imagination, but its worth a try maybe? 

I'm not sure if there is anything we can say to help you, it's only you that can do anything about it, you know you have it in yourself to finish, don't let yourself regret these last few days so close to the end.