On dating a (shallow) friend..


Hi all. I've got a situation for you, it's not mine, but my very best friend in the world:

Two people have been close friends for a long time, but one person (the male) is (to be blunt) considered more attractive than the other. However, imagine the girl kind of has a "She's all That" style transformation, not over night, but over about 6months--her skin clears up, she loses a lot of weight, she becomes fit, healthy and a lot more confident and positive. Now, she's always had a slight crush on her friend (but then, everyone does, as he's gorgeous), but he's never been interested, until now. Do you think he's shallow? I'm recently single and I don't want to sound bitter and jealous by telling her that when I see them together I just look at him and think "oh NOW she's good enough for you!?" Am I being unfair?

Avatar for sneaks

ooh tricky. I would probably agree with you - he's shallow. BUT what man isn't lol. I remember a student house down the road from me - we were vaguely friends. One of the girls in the house did the same thing when she graduated and all the boys tongues were lolling when they saw her again, after 3 years of dismissing her as an ugly fat girl. Men!

But there's nothing you can do about it, you'll come across as the evil friend. I'd just let it take its course. Her self esteem is probably still pretty awful, even though she's got a confidence boost, so she's probably latched onto him because of this. If he is that shallow he'll soon get bored. I'd just be there for her when he leaves and hits her esteem even more. :-(


hi maria1
no you're not being unfair; this kind of thing happens a lot; I guess the only thing you can do is nothing; just let nature run its course...and be there for your very best friend in case anything happens


Yes, you're being unfair. If, as you say everyone has a crush on him, then he will inevitably have higher standards for a potential mate. It's the inverse of "beggers can't be choosers". I'm not defending the morality of judging people by appearance, but attractiveness is a major feature of attraction and is also implicit in your sentence "but then, everyone does, as he's gorgeous". Anyhow, if it helps you could just do the classic female eye-roll-with-exhalation-"men".


Then again, as her self confidence grows, she may realise on her own that he is shallow and will leave him instead. He may be the crutch that will get her out and about and meeting new people and doing things she wouldn't have tried otherwise.


I think she should be straight with her and tell em how he had been and been almost every where... I would leave the poor folks alone and concentrate to get a PhD. I could not resist to appraise her for her determination and motivation which could be for wrong reasons. But again she deserves the due respect and the Bloke may be he was not mating for new offsprings but just for fun it is the culture we fancy thesedays?


I don't think he is shallow. He noticed her and likes her now. It's probably because with her inner confidence growing, she started to become happier with herself and celebrated her achievements, so she started to reflect positive vibes. This transformation might have effected him too. Not every good-looking person is attractive.


I wouldn't tell her anything, not because you'd come across as jealous but because it might upset her. Like 404 said, it might just be her grown confidence that's attractive. If they were close friends, then he's unlikely to hurt her.

You're clearly best friends and I can see that you care deeply for her so the only thing you can do is to just be there for her if she does fall into any problems.

P.s. single is good! :p


I would love to be with a girl with such a drive. Sadly love comes to those people who don't want it in first place. May be it is the nature's law.:-(