i am angry. I had to take the last week off cos my nan passed away. I have so much more to do. But for some reason now that i have settled back into uni my emotions are taking over and I AM ANGRY. i dont know why. I get annoyed when people tell me how sorry they are etc etc etc. I have my mini-thesis due in soon so i really need to send it to them. I cant concentrate. Any tips. My supervisors are aware of teh situation BUT there is a limit to everything. I dotn know what to do.

This must be really tough for you Driven. I sadly lost some family members and a friend last year and it does make things much harder (my Nan also). I am trying to think what made me continue. My Nan, particularly, was so proud that I was doing a PhD and even though she was a bit ditsy about some things, was always on the ball with this. I tried to remind myself how much she wanted me to finish (was always asking me when that would be!) I know this is not easy. I do think you have to give yourself a bit of a break and just set small tasks. You are dealing with a lot at the moment.

The other thing I did was to dedicate my thesis to these people. This may not be for you and I was not whether it was a bit cheesy but I know they would have been proud and I wanted to acknowledge them.

I am glad you have told your supervisors. I hope that they are understanding. Is there any chance you could extend your deadline but keep working on the mini thesis?

Take care.

Sorry to post again but I was thinking about this and I am not sure that I answered your question at all.

Anger is a natural part of grief and it is completely understandable that you are angry about losing your Nan. Life is unfair. Bad things happen to good people and sometimes we can't do anything about it. It sucks. I don't mean that to sound flippant at all.

With regard to feeling angry, have you perhaps thought about calling Cruse (bereavement people) or doing some sport. I think you need some sort of outlet and only you would know the best thing for you.

Sorry if this seems a little flimsy but I do think you will get through it.

fluffy - you sound almost apologetic... Don't, your advice is spot on.

i'm sorry for your loss, driven. i was far closer to my nan than anyone else and still miss her terribly. i was angry at myself for a very long time (still have moments) - but we won't go into that. just know that you have to work through different stages, and it's different for everyone.

i agree with fluffy on making your nan proud. every milestone i have reached or achievement, life event etc. i have privately marked by imagining that she's there with me.

x

Hi
I am really sorry about your Nan and can only say what I did in a similar situation.
I lost my Dad when I was 20, an absolute shock, he was only 55. I went completely numb and just threw myself into my Honours year to get through but not a day didn't go by when I didn't cry first and then get on with it, it was a conscious decision to exist. The next year my best friend since childhood, also now my sister in law died from a brain haemorrhage at 25. Not only was I besides myself with grief but I was ANGRY. The only way I actually got through was by setting aside times to be angry and grieve and then getting on with the day. I never felt bad about my 'grief time' but it helped knowing it was my time to be angry and upset each day. I am dedicating this PhD to my sister in law because she was the one who told me to go to Uni with her and helped make it happen for me, it just didn't happen for her. Like Fluffy said, it gives me focus.

I lost my grandma a few months ago, she had been very ill for a long time but I never really thought that she would one day not be there. I spoke to her almost everyday and she always said that I made her feel better. This was my first experience of grief and I found it really weird, and still do, I'd get irritated by the smallest things too and go through really weird mood swings. I also often pretend she isn't dead just to make myself feel better. All I can say is that grief is weird and you can't understand it but it will get better and you will feel better in time. Just hang in there and take it a day at a time.

At least your supervisors sound supportive, when I mentioned my grandma had died so I needed time off to visit my grandad so he wasn't on his own my supervisor suggested setting him up with his mum who is the same age! I'm not even sure it was a joke, I nearly punched him

thank you all so much for beign so supportive What am finding difficult is that i didnt really like her, we didnt get on adn I didnt know she was ill and i thought cos of that i would be fine.But i am getting angry with people that tell me how sorry they are etc etc. I just want to scream to say i hated her anyway. But then still feel bad shes gone. This sounds strange and selfish i know. But i dunno. Thank you all for your help. My transfer was due in last wednesday but theyve given me an exension until tomorrow. I know there isnt much to do on it now but am not in the right frame of mind. Just going insane. Thanks again.

I guess that's a way for you to express grief. The best thing to do is perhaps take a break, but I know that sometimes this is not an option for us! I hope you feel better! Good luck with the mini-viva