======= Date Modified 15 46 2010 16:46:32 =======
I'm not close to my supervisor at all, but have found out that he has just lost a child after a long period of illness. I was unaware that his child was ill. Still, I feel as though I have to say, or send something. Is a letter inappropriate from a student? Or a card? If it was any one else, I'd send a card or something immediately, I just think it's a really sensitive issue. My bf says I'm being absolutely pathetic and should of course send something. Do you agree?

I agree with your bf, send something and a card is appropriate, I think.

I don't think you're being pathetic but I would definiely send a card. I think we're all so afraid of over-stepping the mark or infringing people's privacy that we're often in danger of seeming cold. At times like this every reminder that people care is welcome, in some ways even more so when it comes from an unexpected source.

I would send a card. I would think your supervisor would really appreciate the thought.

And I'm not someone who sends Christmas cards to sups, or anything like that. But this is different.

I have been bereaved recently and have been really touched by all the sympathy cards, letters, emails etc. that my family and I have received from people, I think at times like this you don't expect to receive anything although it is tradition, for that reason I think he will be touched rather than think it is innapropriate. I do think that the death of a child is more sensitive than other bereavements in some respects, but I would send a card to him and his family, he will appreciate the thought.

I agree with Teek, I don't think you are being pathetic at all - it is often hard to now how to respond to bereavement, and I imagine it is even harder when it's your supervisor. This said, I would send a card, in my experience, they are always appreciated, and its a professionally safe way of letting him know that you care.

I think I would send a card, with just a brief message saying how sorry you are for his loss, the family are in your thoughts etc. it's very unlikely he would be offended or find it inappropriate.

I understand your feeling of awkwardness though, it's always impossible to know what to say when something like this happens, even if it's a friend, and doubly so if it's someone you don't know very well on a personal level. I'm lucky enough to have never been in such a situation, but I think I would appreciate any gesture of kindness, and knowing that people cared.

Definately send a card, just something simple. I've been there but mine was sudden and just knowing that people care and are thinking of you helps so very much. I don't think its inappropriate at all, just caring. Its so hard to know what to say, but in cases like this something simple and genuine and caring is all it takes.

Yes, a carefully chosen card that is warm but still professionallty respectful would be well-recieved.

I agree that a card would be perfectly appropriate, appreciated and respectful. You could leave it in his pigeonhole, under the door or post it so he doesn't have to confront the issue in your presence. In case that would make him upset.

Thanks guys, I sent him a card today with a note in it expressing my sympathy. You're right, I think at times like this it's more important to be compassionate than to worry about being inappropriate. So sad :(