It maybe look trivial, but i am really depressed...


Sure everyone of us knows how tight the schedule and tough a life of a PhD student is, i do, thats why i ve been always working incredibly hard, dreaming about getting a decent job in the future, as if strapping a huge sweet carrot over a donkey's head...same as many out here, there were lotsa ups-and-downs (more downs) during my previous 1.5 years (i m in the mid-way now), and had my youthful soul gradually eroded, leaving behind is a very cynical, depressed, and lonely piece of flesh.

Not until a couple of months ago, i met this special person, who has brought me in joy and laughter to my lonely days. She was like my oasis during this long desert journey and i felt as if shes the biggest blessing in my life. Yet, she is not talking to me anymore now after confessing to her i had a very strong feeling towards her...she politely declined my feeling, which was fine, yet she also stopped replying my calls, messages, as if the friendship in between has also disappeared. It feels like riding a roller-coaster, or like being pushed from the pinnacle to the nadir of the really upset, and i felt its my fault in putting myself into this situation, i cant forgive myself....

Right now, after spending a day and two plain staring the ceiling in my room, shedding tears in pain, i have no choice but to move on, i know this is the only option on my plate, know that I cant just get stuck like a piece of corpse, and nothing can be rewinded...but my heart is still in deep pain...

I know this may look trivial while compared to other tough situations many of the folks here are facing. I hope you guys don mind that, I need to vent my feelings out...:-(


Looie... I know what you mean, been through that myself. Women always figure every man comes along wants them.


Um, am I the only person here fairly offended by MH's comment? Referring to 'women' as a homogeneous group with negative character traits is hardly the critical mind of a PhD student - and extremely insulting.


Yes, me too Sleepyhead, I thought it was a rather arrogant comment. I also thought he'd got the wrong end of the stick in relation to the OP, who appears to have been rejected by a woman, rather than the other way round.


hi Looie
I know it hurts, but actually what this person is doing (to you) is really a positive thing, she is behaving in a way to completely STOP any more of your feelings from building up. She is not sending conflicting signals, see, some people tend to be nice, and even after declining other people, they still behave nicely and kindly but unfortunately other people become confused as to "why is she still so nice to me" "maybe she likes me after all" "maybe I do stand a chance after all" and still continue to like these people.... and it gets a lot more complicated...

You will get through this. It may take some time but you will.


Keep yourself busy outside of the lab and enjoy all that the uni has to offer in terms of clubs, societies, etc. Don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff.


======= Date Modified 09 May 2009 14:07:52 =======
Looie - just get a grip! I am sorry to sound harsh but that's the only way to come out of this situation. I know you might say it is easier said than done and it is true. BUT it only you can begin to change your situation. Take a walk, get out of the house, go biking, be active and then gradually you will see how you'll be ready to go back to your research again.

I cannot believe the drama over MH's comment. He must have been badly hurt, which explains perfectly his remark about women. You're just little bit angry MH? Aren't you? ;-) I never came across a woman who thinks that all men want her, it must be quite a good feeling though :-) Cheer up people!


======= Date Modified 09 May 2009 17:14:16 =======
Well... when you have been burnt by the opposite sex more times than you dare to admit then you can understand.

If ladies here are offended by my comment then im sorry, no offense to anyone here but I am simply stating the fact based on my and my friends experiences.

Sleepyhead, regarding my critical abilities you should know that I have never mixed my professional life with my personal life. I have respect for women but I do not trust and you don't when you get stabbed in the back by your thought to be good female friends. People change and some change more than others!

Ruby, getting rejected is one thing... betrayal is another!


Right guys and gals. I full-heartedly thank all of you first for being supportive around the corner. Yeh, today, I ve been into the sun the entire afternoon for lacrosse and the evening for kendo. All of them are brand new activities to me yet i finally realized there are lotsa fun and joy around, and was having a wonderful day with my nerves working on and learning these new hobbies (guess what, the coaches from both sports said i played amazingly good and wanted me to be into their squd immediately [honestly i have a very strong sports background despite i am studying a PhD in medicine, which in layman's eye it is dominated by book-addicts)...!!!!!!] I instantly remembered how joyful my life used to be before i met her, which is awesome...ummmm,one thing i have to clarify is, again despite trivial...i am a

I will be back to my lab tomorrow and work freakingly focused on my second first-authored manuscript, after getting a round of supports and being recharged.



To MH, I am sorry to learn your experience about girls...i can say, sometimes same sex relationships do cause lotsa hurts too.

Anyways, thanks for comment. Good luck, dude.


======= Date Modified 09 May 2009 17:25:25 =======
That's the spirit Looie! This is how you should be... thumbs up to you (up)


======= Date Modified 09 May 2009 17:23:00 =======
Thanks Looie, you learn as long as you live. Of course not everyone is the same but you never know who you come across. The world is like a jungle, most people think about themselves these days.

Take care Looie


Hey that's good to hear. Keep it up until you forget about the whole thing completely


The thing I learned from own experience is destiny always bring someone in front of you, but finally you will have to forget her.
I know it's easier to say. But I believe everyone has been in the same situation, so get busy with something interested and try to move on. Time really helps.


(((((((((Looie)))))))) there is very little in life that is more painful than unrequainted love! Artists, musicians, film-makers, writers etc have made their fortune out of tuning into that pain, and I think that most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives - it hurts like hell, but so long as you do what you're doing - getting out, trying new things, working, living really, then it ends and in time you realise that that person wasn't all that anyway ;-) You sound a lot more positive now, just remember that you have so much more in life to look forward to and enjoy and that special girl is out there for you :-)

MH, I can assure you my friend that not all girls are like that, I hope that you find that out soon :-)