Long-distance relationship and PhDs


Hi, im new to this and was looking for some advice/ to share experiences. I am currently doing my masters in UK but my boyfriend of 3 years is in his first year of PhD in the US. I spent last year studying in Japan so we had already done some long distance experience before.  However, I am finding the UK-US situation excruciatingly hard because it's just so damn difficult for me to get out there and being a science PhD he's there for the foreseeable future :( I support him 100% and am so proud of what he's doing but it feels pretty overwhelming for me because of just how long he will be there and the pressure on me to make something work and get a job/study there too especially when they are few and far between at the moment.
I would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences


Delusional...I totally feel your worry :(. I moved away from home and left my boyfriend of 5 years behind to start my PhD studies (there is a thread somewhere when I was planning to move away and has quite some good insights). We have been apart for 8 months now, and it is hard (at least you know a bit of how it feels from the Japan-US situation). The worst days are when things are going bad and you just need someone to listen to you rant and give you a hug. But I believe that we have gotten stronger throughout the past months. My suggestion is to make an effort to talk (enjoy the wonders of Skype) and try and meet up whenever possible. We meet every 6-8 weeks, with him visiting me and me visiting him in a roughly alternate manner. What is wonderful about long-distance relationships is that you really make an effort to enjoy each other's company when you get some time together - no more bickering about non-important stuff - though it is important not to let the bigger stuff slide. It is hard, but if you are both determined, you can get there. When doing your masters make sure to still make time for your course/uni friends. Do not go rushing home to chat with your boyfriend on Skype every second you have, as you need a social life with people who are physically there. Overall...it is hard...but you can do it. Good luck


I'm probably not much good for advice, but I've ended up in a long distance relationship too. I'm about a year and a half into my PhD, and my boyfriend moved countries a couple of months ago for an amazing new job. Obviously I'm not going anywhere for a while, and he's hoping to stay in this job for the next few years... it's hard knowing that it's going to be so long until we can live in the same place again but we both totally support eachother and in the meantime I've got some amazingly supportive friends who I can demand hugs from on a regular basis. I definitely second the advice about making sure that you keep some sort social life. On those days when everything feels miserable and hopeless it can be good to drag yourself out and let your friends distract you from it all.


Hi Delusional,

Me too. Currently I am in distance relationship with my husband and my son. I've  just started doing my PhD in UK, and leaving my family back in Singapore.They will come to UK next year, I hope (as we are working to make it possible). In the meantime, we keep in touch with each other by using skype, FB, phone calls and email. Yes, it is difficult, and sometimes I feel guilty of making this decision even though we have been discussing about pros and cons of separation, long before I started. I terribly miss my son!

Thank God, the passion of doing what I love, and seeking for knowledge still keep me sane, and appreciation to video calling technology I still can cry, laugh, and share the story of unfortunate moments with the one I love while I am away.

Be strong, and stay honest to your partner.:-)