PhD Offer Dilemma - Advice Needed!


Hey everyone,

Thank you all for your replies! I am really really thankful for all the advice you've given. My decision is still up in the air, but I've got a while to decide as the funding interview (which I might not even pass!) is not until the end of February. At the moment it seems my decision is changing every few hours depending on who I speak to. My girlfriend is trying to persuade me to go for it and has been really supportive and reassuring me that we are strong enough to survive anything.

Quote From Mackem_Beefy:

You say you're happy with your life, job and girlfriend. I think you've answered you're own question to be honest. If you don't feel ready to take on such a commitment, that in itself says leave it for now. If you do, remember you'll be taking a major hit financially. Also, you'll be moving to another part of the country for the next few years. Whether your girlfirend moves with you or not, the upheval of the move and the stress of the Ph.D. will (unless she's very understanding) put pressure on that relationship.

In all honesty, it sounds more like you're beginning to settle down rather than looking for change, and you're current circumstances are creating a situation where you're able to do that. If you're really onto a good thing, do you really want to spoil it?

You've really hit the nail on the head here and outlined my major concerns. I think the big question for everyone in this situation is whether you are career driven or family driven? What do you prioritise? At the moment I'm feeling like I'd much rather prioritise my relationship that my career. However, we have had a chat and she doesn't want me to turn it down just for her, mainly due to the pressure she feels from that for us to succeed and fear that it will come back to haunt her if things turn hairy a year down the line.

Quote From Becky:

Do you mind me asking which university you are considering?

I wouldn't mind at all if this wasn't being posted on a public internet forum, but as it is I would like to minimise any risk of said University discovering my doubts and acting accordingly with regards to my current offer. I'd be more than happy to share through a Private Message. I hope you don't mind!

Thanks again for all your advice! Whilst typing this my mind has switched between accepting to rejecting and back to accepting this!! It's such a hard decision!!!