My body clock is all messed and it's been like this for a while now. I don't really sleep at the moment and my work is not going as well as it could. I'm finding this time of year really hard and missing what I used to have. The past 2 festive periods were just really nice, but I'm by myself this year and not used to it. It gets me down because everyone else seems to be really looking forward to it but I just want to get it over with. So I just lie in bed and wonder what I could have done better to prevent this.
I've popped a few Nytol so forgive my ramblings. I'm a bit sappy and probably weak, but definitely not a weirdo.
I'm going to make a New Year's resolution or two. I'm going to make an extra effort with all my friends, be as helpful to them as possible and try never to lose touch - that's what mobiles are for. I'm also hopefully going to find someone special and have a nice family one day. Oh, and I'm not going to be naive about things and just try not to dwell on things past, as what has happened has happened. I've just got to toughen up, swallow a spoonful of courage and realise that, despite 6.5 billion other people and counting, I just have me an my thoughts and they are what I should rely on and try to look after more.
Do you ever find yourself in situations where you sense that you just don't fit and you shut your gob because you realise that there's nothing you can say that won't seem strange of stupid? Like now!
Anyway, just wanted to get that self-indulgent whine off my chest.
Have a (bit of a) relaxing and fun Christmas everyone, and best wishes for a productive and successful 2010 too. (mince)
thank you for your very open posting, providing an insight in what you are feeling at the moment. I am sorry to hear that things do not seem to go as well as you would have liked. Must be difficult, especially as you are not sleeping very well, and this may make it more difficult to cope with everyday PhD and other stresses.
I do not have any specific tips to give, although your resolution to keep in contact with friends, and in that way to maintain your social network, seems a good one to me.
Obviously I wish you, despite your reservations, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I've suffered from insomnia for about 15 years now. It waxes and wanes in tune with my overall life satisfaction. Also, I am in the terrible habit of ruminating on stuff overnight. The most valuable lesson I have learnt is that you can't really control your thoughts very well (it's very labour-intensive) but you can control your actions. So when you have difficult thoughts you can acknowledge they're there but try not to get too involved with them - just try to see them as if they were passing clouds. In those situations you can take positive action - you can get up and do something relaxing or at least phone a friend or something.
I fear this post is not coming across as too helpful, and perhaps rather simplistic. But I strongly relate to the stuff you have said about loneliness and insomnia and all of it, so you are not alone. I can recommend you a short, practical book if you want to PM me. Xmas is a mad time for everyone except the 0.07% of people who have perfect partner, family, life and bags of cash.
Take care, look after yourself.
I don't know how useful I can be as I don't have trouble sleeping, despite the constant worry and stress I am under at the moment. You have my sympathy though, a friend of mine has bad insomnia and I've seen how terrible it makes her feel during the day. Have you seen your GP about it?
Christmas is a really tough time when life isn't going well as there is so much forced happiness around, it is literally everywere and there are more expectations of how you should feel and behave. Basically Christmas creates pressure and can be more stressful than enjoyable. I'm just seeing Christmas this year as a chance to have a week off work and catch up on my MSc, not very festive but thats what I'll be doing. Try not to put yourself under as much pressure to enjoy Christmas as everyone else seems to, just do exactly what you want to do, take some time out for yourself and hopefully you'll start 2010 feeling a bit better. Take care, Nx
am sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time. it can be particularly difficult when you have no one at christmas time. being an international student am alone every christmas. not that am short of invites, but it makes little sense to spend time around people who are not family, so i prefer to be on my own. right now am reading a novel at the library. partly because there's more company there from other people like me, who realise that their time will come. :-) it may not be now, but who says it will never happen.
re the sleep. this is a sign of stress. have you seen your GP. at the moment it would be unthinkable to accept a suggestion to take time off work and just sleep, but that could help you a lot and rejuvenate you for the new year. re finding someone you love and friends.. i have found that whilst there is a place in this life for friends and lovers :-) it does not mean that we are happier or less lonely with them, albeit for a moment. why not strive for personal completeness, that is, an ability to be happy and content no matter what. (am working on that myself) that way you will be happy and less stressed when you find yourself in such situations. and no.. you don't need to toughen up. you just need to be more aware of what your mind is doing and of your emotions. i quite like the way someone on here put it (sorry i don't remember who that was): "The most valuable lesson I have learnt is that you can't really control your thoughts very well (it's very labour-intensive) but you can control your actions. So when you have difficult thoughts you can acknowledge they're there but try not to get too involved with them - just try to see them as if they were passing clouds. In those situations you can take positive action - you can get up and do something relaxing or at least phone a friend or something." i think what you should do is actively manage how you feel. i always say to myself - its never that bad. and its true. its never as bad as it feels in the grand scheme of things.
to lift you up if it helps - i think that piece you sent me a while back is really good! so despite the what you feel, you have achieved something this year. and in time, every other thing will fall into place (friends & partner). but before then, we can't allow ourselves to be down. life is too short for that. do something that makes you happy - personally i have learnt to appreciate little things like sleep, tv, making a good meal for myself in readiness to make it for that special someone, just listening to music. because the truth is, it is a guarantee that one day this feeling will end. but before it does, we should not let this phase put us down.
ps: it is ok to moan once in a while. i find it useful to just let things out once in a while. thanks for sharing.
Hey Walminski! I really sympathize with you- I have ongoing sleep problems and it's a right pain in the arse. For weeks I'll be really crap and take 2 hours to get to sleep and then wake up every half hour for the next 4 hours, then I'll have a week or two where I sleep like a dream. But it can be so frustrating and exhausting to have endless nights of poor sleep. I think it can also be a bit of a cycle you get into- it's hard to work in the day and then you worry that you're getting behind, which makes it harder to sleep and so on. Have you identified the reason behind your poor sleep at the moment? I am on and off prescription sleeping pills all the time, but that's not really a great cycle to get into either. Having said that, they can be a godsend for when you just need something to knock you out for a few hours so you can feel a bit rested...but they don't work for very long and the GPs don't like prescribing them nowadays anyway. Might be worth seeing your doc if things don't pick up though- just beware the patronising 'sleep hygiene rules' they reel off to you though, I am sick to death of being told that I need to sleep in a cool room, where I am comfortable, have a routine, don't eat/work/watch TV too late into the evening, have a milky drink' etc. Grrrrrr....No shit! To be honest, if I am really stuck, I stick on a dvd that will make me laugh (the inbetweeners or big bang theory at the moment- trashy but amusing!) and then at least I am happy and tired, not miserable and tired! A good laugh can cure a lot of things on a good day! Hope things pick up for you soon. Best wishes for a nice xmas and new year, KB.
Hii Wally, sorry to hear you are feeling low. I won't go into my Christmas arrangements, but I too have been feeling the lack of a significant other, at ths time of year especially, but I've been single more than I've been in a couple so it feels quite normal to me - I'm trying to train myself to expect a happy romantic life.
Anyhow, aside from empathy, what I thought I could contribute are my secrets to good sleep (I very rarely have a problem in this area and go out like a light as soon as my head had been on the pillow for a few minutes). These are:
1. Bed room is for sleeping, and other intimacies, only, no reading, radio, tv or anything else at all., whatsoever. I feel sleepy when I just go into my bedroom.
2. The room is decoated nicely, with soft colours, and it smells nice, I love my bedroom.
3. Read some trashy literature, routinely on getting into bed: I read things like Reveal and Closer, and after a few pages of that I'm well away, without fail - do not use anything that could stimulate you, ie avoid quality literature of any kind.
4. I do not drink caffiene (absolutely never after midday - or else I do get sleep problems), and I eat before 7pm most nights.
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