sorry everyone for posting yet another gloomy post, but this is the only real place I can vent my feelings to people who are or have been in a similar situation.
After a wobbly week last week I haven't quit (yet!). Not sure if that is a good or bad thing!
I haven't eaten properly in a couple of weeks and have a recurring headache and general lethargy, whenever I get up in the morning I have a feeling of immense dread about the day ahead and work. Week days are tremendously depressing, I feel like crying all the time. I try reading - no luck, the words just go over my head and mean nothing and I can't see myself writing or thinking about this (the phd) any more.
I feel like there really is no way out, even if I quit then I will be in a bad situation - no job, no money, probably no prospects with a failed PhD. I guess I don't see any better alternatives, and then there is always the amount of money I will have wasted thus far, and a feeling of guilt for all that entails. Urgh.
Weren't you warned about how TOUGH phds are going to be? I was. And I keep facing so many hurdles and I am just in my first 6 months. I cry. I feel tired. I feel unproductive. I complain. But I will never give up. Just keep venting your feelings. Take a few days off. Go somewhere for vacation or just socialize and do a few fun things. Then get back to work. If you approach your work with all the negativity you've got, you won't get anything done. Just be confident. It'll all work out. You've done 2 years so far. What's left is not easy but it's closer. After all this hard work and when you finally pass, you'll realize that it was all worth the pain. You'll be Dr. Mokey.
Phds are tough and that's why not everybody can follow them through. Don't give up. That's just silly. You're not someone who gives up because you've already survived 2 years. So I know it's just a period.
I want you to take the time to look inside yourself and try to remember why you loved being a phd student to start with.
But, don't give up. You'll never forgive yourself for it.
Only you can decide if it's right to leave, although there is no reason to quit just yet unless you have something better to do instead (particularly if funded, you can always turn up, read Viz and collect the stipend!).
Regardless of the PhD, you may as well look after yourself - eating properly is something that is entirely within your control; taking positive steps may help with the depression.
You might be struggling with a form of mild depression; the feelings you describe do fit the bill. Not that I'm a GP. Check this page:
I would have a chat with your GP: depression is very common and treatable, and your outlook on your PhD may improve as your feelings lift.
If it really is just that you hate your PhD; then apologies in advance...just thought it was worth mentioning.
I guess I don't 'hate' the PhD, it's a strange contradictory situation where I just have no feelings for it and yet at the same time have these feelings of angst and gloom about it. I guess I don't really hate my topic either, it is just so unrefined that I feel like it's going nowhere and have lost the interest and foresight. Thanks for your suggestion, I have had prolonged anxiety attacks in the past however not for a while, this may just be another manifestation of that. My head feels so foggy at the moment!
Mokey, my most heartfelt sympathies. I think Juno's suggestion may be a good one, although I'm certainly no expert.
Maybe try not to think in terms of sorting out your whole life, future etc, while you're feeling like this? Smaller objectives are easier to face sometimes, if you take them one by one. Hope things improve for you.
Don't know if this is possible in your circumstances, but I found a relatively senior member of staff to talk to. Both my supervisors are young and inexperienced and believe that a PhD is about reading around your subject and finding new avenues. Whilst this is all very well, it was the senior member of staff (with minimal knowledge of my field) that gave me the suggestions on how to actually *complete* a PhD - about staging posts, about how to be clear presenting an argument, how to make the thesis less complicated than you think it is...
maybe there's someone for you (it might not be who you expect)
Mokey so sorry about the 2 years mix-up. I just wanted to uplift your morale by making you look at the fuller part of the glass.
Regardless, I am also 6 or 7 months in and I suffer from general anxiety disorder and I do kind of have an idea of what you go through. Sometimes I feel it's not worth it, sometimes I feel my topic won't get me anywhere, but these are normal feelings... I deal with them and try to get myself through my first year.
I sincerely hope you don't give up.
mokey, the feelings you described are exactly how I felt before I fainted from nervous exhaustion (extreme lack of sleep, lethargy, constant headaches, heightened emotion) I felt like that for several weeks before my collapse. I have now been advised by my doc and everyone on the forum to detach myself from the PhD for a bit, and it sounds like you might need to do the same before you get into the state I did. I really sympathise. Oh, and don't apologise for feeling this way--you have every right to feel however you feel!
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