My PhD is proving to be a VERY isolating process.
Long story short i got a job as a technician at a uni, spent years doing technical support whilst also lecturing, achieving accreditations for my programmes ect (i even worked as interim programme leader until they could get a replacement for the programme leader that left). I got passed over for a teaching post despite my experience as i didn't have a PhD. So i signed up to a part-time one.
Then, one of the Lecturers on our programme left, opening up a post so i applied. i was told i was ideal but they couldn't offer me the post without seeing external candidates. I had to interview twice but was awarded the post, but here's the kick in the gut, with a two year probation and on condition that i pass my MPhil/PhD transfer.
It feels like a rope around my neck, it feels like no matter how hard i work, no matter what i do, no matter how happy my students are, or how much we've progressed up the league tables, i'll never be good enough. My results keep hitting dead ends which isn't helping.
I spend all my time either working on my lectures, supporting students or working on what feels like failing experimental work. My husband completed his PhD shortly after we met (i was studying my masters at the same institution). But even he seems to be struggling to relate. i just need to know that i'm not alone? i need to know that there is hope.