Signup date: 18 Oct 2021 at 5:44pm
Last login: 18 Oct 2021 at 8:37pm
Post count: 2
Thanks a lot this is a wise and calm answer. It actually helps a lot to hear something like this from someone who has been trough it.
And yes, no one can answer the question for me. I now red also my first post and see how bad my mental state was when writing it, as there is a lot of misspelling. SO I fore sure have to calm down about it and accept the situation. I really think this phd happened too soon for me, and in the wrong time. Which is a pity but life..
So thanks again!
So Im 31 years old and a first year phd in sociology student. I have been struggling a lot, mostly with feeling overwhelmed, not good enough and not knowledgable enough. I am terrible procrastinator and this part is even the most painful for me. As i am a person who loves working, and than being "unable" to work while things are falling apart kills me. And i tried a lot of things, but lately its a complete struggle.
One of the aspects is that I entered the Phd unsure of it, I was working on a the scientific project but the phd than came as a good option and i than got pushed into it (so I dont lose my job). And than i decided I will go and try.
Now Im at the end of first year, unable to push trough and do the final exam and presentation. My dissertation theme is still not clear andi spent time with advisor trying to come to it but nothing yet happened. And at the moment i should be doing 5 complicated things in a rush at the same times, which i cant even start. And all this type of work also disrupted my daily life completely. I feel trapped all the time and guilty to do other stuff, but at the same time I cant do the work for the phd.
Before I worked for an NOG and on a governmental project and felt capable and confidant. This phd just ruined me. I am also not in sociology enough, lack basic methodology and theoretical knowledge as it has been quite some time from when i studied it. I should be motivated and learn it now, which was the plan, but my progress is super slow. Also i am in lot of panic about it all the time on which i also waste a lot of time.
So all this made it obvious for me that i should drop out. Its still the first year, better to go develop career somewhere else sooner. At the same time Im panicking, I dont know how to explain it to my mentor, i feel like a terrible failure and incompetent. Coz I think this is not even that hard at the level I am now, just that I have to learn all from the start, and lack knowledge in almost everything.
And I am also afraid for the future, and what other job I could do - as if I quit I will all of a sudden be jobless and this scares me and makes me sad. I worked in good jobs prior to this and this than just feels like a terrible failure. And after all the anxiety and numbness i have been feeling I cant even figure out what I would want to do..
Any similar experiences or experiences with quitting?
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